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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you can hang out without your husband

397 replies

Independentlondoner · 03/07/2019 17:57

NC
So genuinely don’t know if I’m unreasonable in my expectations.
Recently a new neighbour moved in, and her daughter and mine attend the same preschool. Really nice woman/ family, we’ve attended parties at her house and vice versa.
First time she suggested a play date I said yes and suggested the local park- great. Me and my LO leave the house and her, her husband and her daughter are all ready to walk round to the park- it didn’t really cross my mind to bring my husband. It was a nice trip but I felt slightly like an intruder on their family day out.
Next she group messaged me and another mum to a get together at hers- great I could do with more mum friends. Very quickly the third woman mentioned her husbands dietary requirements, another bring your husbands get together.
I love my husband and we do things as a family often, but we have our own friendships- and to be honest my husband and hers are very different and wouldn’t naturally be friends. I also think it hinders our growing friendship.

Fast forward to this week and I’ve asked if her and her daughter would like to come to a day trip to the zoo, she wants to invite her husband. This means two cars, or me sitting in the back of their car like a child.

AIBU In thinking she could dare do something independent from her husband for a couple of hours or am I the strange one?

OP posts:
SushiForAmateurs · 03/07/2019 21:36

That sounds utterly normal @Jeremybearimybaby !

Original poster
Independentlondoner · 03/07/2019 21:37

Yes most people are the middle ground- myself included.

OP posts:
that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 21:38

since the beginning of the year have you spent any weekend time without your OH?

socially? no, why would I.

Without him when one of us is away for work (mainly him), quite a few.
Do I prefer when he's away? nope. Would I go to a wedding without him? probably not.

Does it give you the right or any valid reason to judge me? I don't think so, but go ahead.

anothernotherone · 03/07/2019 21:39

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 you haven't made it home from an office job at 21:32 because you're mumsnetting instead of going home (I've known a lot of men like that - hiding out at work pretending they "work their arse off" but really surfing the internet and gossiping to avoid "helping" with dinner/ bath/ bed for their own children) or you work shifts? If you work shifts (I do too) you are presumably free in the day often, when your husband is working - do you socialise with other parents then? Or stay indoors with your child unless your DH accompanies you?

formerbabe · 03/07/2019 21:40

Does it give you the right or any valid reason to judge me? I don't think so, but go ahead

Yet you judged me and insinuated I was trying to avoid my dh because I can go out without him.

SushiForAmateurs · 03/07/2019 21:41

People have a 'right' to judge whatever they like, to be fair. It's usually done silently inside one's own head, so how are you going to police it?

Everyone judges. Everyone.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 21:43

you haven't made it home from an office job at 21:32 because you're mumsnetting instead of going home
Grin Grin Grin

I wish! No, I am stuck in the train and I am killing time because my kindle ran out of battery.
and I will probably be Mnetting again tomorrow morning, hopefully not in the same train.

Original poster
Independentlondoner · 03/07/2019 21:44

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 I don’t judge you spending all your time with your prtner as much as I judge your confusion at the concept of spending time apart
“Why would I” Hmm really?

OP posts:
that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 21:44

People have a 'right' to judge whatever they like, to be fair. It's usually done silently inside one's own head, so how are you going to police it?
thanks, I thought so, I am more than willing to judge the very weird and dysfunctional couples I am reading about on this thread.

Original poster
Independentlondoner · 03/07/2019 21:45

Everyone judges. Everyone Preach! Couldn’t give a damn who judges me

OP posts:
that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 21:46

“Why would I” hmm really?

yes, really, why on earth can't you understand that?
I like being with him, we like to do a lot of things in common, we have a lot to talk about and not so much time to do so. WHY is that a bother to you that I like to see him, and that I enjoy myself more when he's around

formerbabe · 03/07/2019 21:47

I am more than willing to judge the very weird and dysfunctional couples

That says a lot about you if you think couples who can socialise separately are weird and dysfunctional.

SushiForAmateurs · 03/07/2019 21:47

I am more than willing to judge the very weird and dysfunctional couples I am reading about on this thread.

You think people who socialise with their husbands, families and also just with their own friends are 'weird and dysfunctional'....?

MsTSwift · 03/07/2019 21:48

Most people are normal and do both of course but personally prefer couples / family socialising at weekends so I can see dh too we will go to a party or drinks with other couples with the occasional girls night or girls only weeknight meet up

buttertoasty · 03/07/2019 21:49

I would rather spend time with my husband than anyone else

anothernotherone · 03/07/2019 21:49

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 ah that makes more sense. Do you still have toddlers? How does that work then - DH works locally/ from home?

Cherrysoup · 03/07/2019 21:51

very weird and dysfunctional couples I am reading about on this thread.

Blimey, judge away, why don’t you?!

I adore my dh, I’d rather come home and spend the evening with him above pretty much else, however, I’d be horrified if he turned up to one of my girlie lunches. Equally, he’d be horrified if I wanted to come on his blokes’ holiday. I visit my parents alone, he doesn’t care for them. I’m going on holiday with lots of family this summer-without him. Shocking.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 21:51

I love how it's ok to absolutely slate people like me who prefers their DH company and want to be with him, but as soon as you make a comment about others, they get VERY irate.

If you are so confident your way is the right way, why do you care so much? I find it very amusing, unlike you I don't think there's any right or wrong but apparently the reverse is not true. Interesting Smile

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 21:54

anothernotherone
I have an au-pair and 2 sisters locally. I do work from home as much as possible too!

SushiForAmateurs · 03/07/2019 21:54

I find it very amusing, unlike you I don't think there's any right or wrong

ConfusedHmm Yes you do.

formerbabe · 03/07/2019 21:59

I love how it's ok to absolutely slate people like me who prefers their DH company

I don't think you are getting it. Vast majority of couples prefer the company of each other, hence why they're together..however, that doesn't mean you can't spend time with others.

I have a favourite song, I still listen to other music. I have a favourite tv program, I still watch other shows.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 03/07/2019 22:01

One has to wonder why it's such an issue for some people. You have different preferences, but WHY do you get so worked up about other couples dynamic? That's a lot of time and effort trying to find fault in their private life.

Anyway, it's been fun Smile

Femaleassassin · 03/07/2019 22:03

Most of my friends if not all are more than happy to spend time away from their husbands which suits me.

Calloway · 03/07/2019 22:05

I am more than willing to judge the very weird and dysfunctional couples I am reading about on this thread.

Ssys the weirdo.

DecomposingComposers · 03/07/2019 22:06

As I’ve stated I’m not saying women need women time, I’m saying individuals need their own friendships

In your opinion.