to be unsure about going for ££ Michelin Star lunch ££

[DismalDaughter]

I’ll try and keep it brief! I appreciate it’s a First World Problem....

Very close friend has big birthday coming up. We have been friends forever and our DHs are friends too. They have no DCs, no pets, no mortgage - just 2 big fat salaries / bonuses / shares and lots of exotic holidays!

On the other hand DH and I have a substantial mortgage, DCs and pets! DH is our breadwinner. He works very long hours to provide for us. I was a SAHM but now work p/t and term time. I earn peanuts. My (our!) choice - DH earns enough and I wanted to be home for DCs.

We don’t have much of a social life as no family nearby, but we have maintained this friendship (and others) buy socialising mainly at our house over the years. No issues - we provide food and booze and they bring along pudding and more booze, and sometimes sweets for kids. All good!

DCs are now at high school so it feels as though ever so slowly we are starting to get our lives back a bit. We’ll leave kids home alone for a couple of hours from time to time to go shopping or for lunch, and once to the cinema. Kids are happy to be left and well behaved - so no problem with this.

So... DF has suggested that for her upcoming 50th she’d like the 4 of us to go for a posh lunch. DH would like to go and says we can afford it as a “once in a lifetime experience”. But I’ve looked at the website and I reckon for the 2 of us it’d be about £700 😵 Dates are released 3 months in advance so we need to make a decision. I get that for them it’s about a day’s salary (between them) but for me that’s over a month’s pay! And I’m really struggling to get my head round that. Even though DH has a career, like I say we have a mortgage, kids, pets etc.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on holiday or pay for DCs to go on school trips. But this just seems a bit OTT. Out of my comfort zone I suppose. Or am I missing the point? Will it be worth every penny? I’d appreciate views! And as I said at the start, I do appreciate it’s a “nice” dilemma to have.

Are any of you experienced Michelin star lunchers?! Would I regret not going?!

@pelirocco123

I would highly recommend Adam Handling Chelsea. Been there twice now and the food is simply outstanding. Went once for A La Carte and once for the Tasting menu. You still get The Frog favorites with the tasting menu (chicken butter and cheese doughnuts for those reading and not familiar) and the other dishes were just outstanding.

I love his Covent Garden restaurant too.

Adam Handling is a genius, IMO.

I still think the best meal I ever had was at the French Laundry - where £700 for 2 went somewhere into the wind once we got a bit happy ordering wine! My DH however loved Noma, which I found distinctly meh.

We are complete foodies - plan holidays around great restaurants!

Just say 'I'd love to celebrate with you but it's too much for us. Can we have dinner at ours the week after? I want to hear EVERY detail.'

I hope you that they are planning to pay for you, and unlike a pp I would definitely go!

No way would I go!

So OP have you decided what to do?

If your thinking its not for you and way to expensive the sooner you tell them the better.

Like posters here I have been for both lunch and dinner in many stared restaurants ( and not just in the UK), but we are foodies and really enjoy it as a special treat, but its for us as a couple not for others.

£700 each is ridiculous to me for a lunch and to expect others to shell out for a lunch for someone elses birthday, no matter how much they can afford it or not. I would never think to even ask someone along to something so costly unless I was paying for the whole lot.

There are plenty lunchtime 'special' packages that the restaurants offer nowhere near that costing.

If you dont feel comfortable about it now, you may feel even worse if you do decide to go.

We are off to a 2 star restaurant this weekend for a celebration, cost with wine parings and 4 courses, 130 euros each inc service and taxes.

To the poster who mentioned the Raby Hunt, did you get there or not? I was not impressed at all.

Raymond Blanc's Le Manoir charges £105 per person for a 5 course lunch. Obviously you might have drinks which add up to more but not hundreds if you are careful. I have only been here with work so haven't actually had to pay but the experience was amazing and certainly not £700 for 4 people.

Irishgurl - it's worse than that, the OP has calculated £700 for 2 people, not 4! (Unless that was a typo, in which case I apologise!)

Way too expensive unless I was a millionaire.
Your friend is BU to ask you knowing you are not in their financial position. I would say you'd love to celebrate but can't afford it that restaurant.

I've been very fortunate over the years to dine at a number of starred restaurants.

Did I enjoy it - absolutely yes. However my enjoyment was also linked to the fact it was being paid for by work and not myself.

I love cooking and consider myself a foodie. I absolutely understand the research, prep, techniques and sourcing that makes this food as expensive as it is (even before you factor in front of house service, the fixtures/fittings etc that are obligatory in such an establishment which is actually one of the biggest expenses).

Here's the thing...are they the meals I most enjoyed ever.....and the answer is no.

There's lots to factor in, the location, the food, the service, the company and the price and when all is said and done my favourite dining experiences have been at very well regarded restaurants that don't have stars but equally don't have the costs (that don't actually translate into the food/cooking) that obtaining multiple stars entails.

So no, I wouldn't pay that amount of money.

There are plenty of fantastic restaurants out there where you can have a brilliant experience at a third of that price.

I’d also be very wary of the fact they’ve specifically said the bill would be split 50/50.

They could go way off ordering really expensive options so even if you were careful you’d end up with an enormous bill.

Only silly New Money blingsters would pay that for lunch.

Old money would have cucumber sandwiches with Pimms in the garden.

That's how they keep their money.

Petrus and Hide (where I walked out just plain angry and feeling utterly ripped off) are up themselves where they've no right to be. I've eaten in Petrus a couple of times and they have been genuinely lovely both times - first time - dh was 30mins late - the swine! and they brought me a selection of popcorn And second time with my sister they invited us down into the kitchen and introduced us to the chef!

Only silly New Money blingsters would pay that for lunch.

that's harsh. If people can afford it, and it's their thing, nothing wrong in trying the "experience".

Nothing wrong in refusing to spend so much either, I wouldn't, but I wouldn't judge anyone who goes - as long as they have the funds

Thanks for all the messages. I’ve been at an end of term event, but am overwhelmed by the responses.

It’s £700 for 2, not 4 BTW!

I’ve just looked at Le Manoir’s website as several people have mentioned the £105 menu, but that is weekdays. We would be going on a weekend.

The most expensive wine menu at Le Manoir is £699 per guest 🤣

Clearly I belong on a different planet.

I shall re-read all of your posts later and chat with DH. He is the breadwinner and he’s the one who thinks it’d be a good “experience”.

We had frozen pizzas for tea - get me, all stressed about Michelin stars 🤣🤣🤣

I think you’d be crazy to spend a month’s wages on one meal. I can’t believe your friends are this rude.

I think they've got a massive dose of CheekyFuckery tbh.

Spend £700 to celebrate MY birthday, and no consideration of whether you can afford that or not.

I'm lucky enough not have have many financial restraints but paying that much for someone else's bday? Nah.

@that25cUKHeatwaveof2019

Old money do not do these kind of things. It is really the preserve of the new money blingers. Sorry if you disagree with that.

I don't care what anyone spends on anything, but in any event, if you can afford it that's fine. Just making a point that's all!

So what if he's the 'breadwinner'? It's a stupid amount of money to spend on a fucking lunch and your 'friend' is a straight up bitch to expect people to spend that much to celebrate her birthday when she knows damn well you have kids, don't earn as much and have a big mortgage. I do well in my job but it's so inconsiderate and rude not to consider your mates' financial position when expecting them to pay to celebrate with you, that's just bullshit. You just say, 'NO. I don't feel comfortable spending that kind of money on one lunch.' End of. If he's bothered by it, he can go alone and you save half. Honestly, grow a pair and stop being such a doormat to these people. Bet if you stop and examine it over the years, you'll see a clear pattern of CFery.

I’d also be very wary of the fact they’ve specifically said the bill would be split 50/50.

They could go way off ordering really expensive options so even if you were careful you’d end up with an enormous bill.

This. Your 'friend' is an inconsiderate CFer who's going to bang up the bill and then quip '50/50 it's my birthday!' and you, being a doormat, will pony up.

I simply cannot imagine expecting a mate to spunk £700 on my birthday.

That’s pretty pricey OP so it’s completely understandable if you’re unable to afford it.

I’ve been to a few Michelin star restaurants and that’s pretty pricey, especially for lunch. I was treated to a meal of similar cost in Vegas at Joel Robuchon which was truly stunning but yeah, it’s a hell of a lot of money for food and wine.

There are loads of other Michelin star restaurants that aren’t near that price, it’s such a shame they’ve opted for somewhere so expensive.

Sorry to be so crude, but the 700 quids worth will be excreted the next day anyway whether you had Michelin stars galore or KFC.

Very presumptuous of your friends too. I would decline gracefully and spend the money on my family.

Let them at it.

I wouldn’t spend that much even if I had it to spend. There are amazing restaurants where you could have a wonderful tasting menu for quite a bit less than that. It seems unnecessarily extravagant. The only time I have had a lot of money spent on me is at work lunches and even then I thought it was a waste of (their) money.

Your DH being the breadwinner is irrelevant, OP. Whoever earns the money, it’s up to you BOTH how it should be spent, and what is worth money on.

You could have a lovely weekend away together with amazing food for £700!

I would echo some other posters, OP - if I were your friend in the same circumstances and knowing about your finances, if I wanted you both to share the experience for my mid-century, I would invite you as my guests and pay for the whole thing. Or suggest a “downgrade” to a cheaper rosetted restaurant, as many have suggested, which would be moreI affordable for you and just as enjoyable for you all.
Don't feel bad about saying no - in your shoes, I'd begrudge each and every penny and mouthful. It wouldn't make for a happy experience.

Are, you really really sure it will be £350 per head? I have been to some high end restaurants, and it has been more like £100-150, should be cheaper for lunch.

If it really is £325 per person, I would think it is ok to say no. Maybe you could suggest you all meet at Pizza Express, and you will pay!