to be unsure about going for ££ Michelin Star lunch ££

[DismalDaughter]

I’ll try and keep it brief! I appreciate it’s a First World Problem....

Very close friend has big birthday coming up. We have been friends forever and our DHs are friends too. They have no DCs, no pets, no mortgage - just 2 big fat salaries / bonuses / shares and lots of exotic holidays!

On the other hand DH and I have a substantial mortgage, DCs and pets! DH is our breadwinner. He works very long hours to provide for us. I was a SAHM but now work p/t and term time. I earn peanuts. My (our!) choice - DH earns enough and I wanted to be home for DCs.

We don’t have much of a social life as no family nearby, but we have maintained this friendship (and others) buy socialising mainly at our house over the years. No issues - we provide food and booze and they bring along pudding and more booze, and sometimes sweets for kids. All good!

DCs are now at high school so it feels as though ever so slowly we are starting to get our lives back a bit. We’ll leave kids home alone for a couple of hours from time to time to go shopping or for lunch, and once to the cinema. Kids are happy to be left and well behaved - so no problem with this.

So... DF has suggested that for her upcoming 50th she’d like the 4 of us to go for a posh lunch. DH would like to go and says we can afford it as a “once in a lifetime experience”. But I’ve looked at the website and I reckon for the 2 of us it’d be about £700 😵 Dates are released 3 months in advance so we need to make a decision. I get that for them it’s about a day’s salary (between them) but for me that’s over a month’s pay! And I’m really struggling to get my head round that. Even though DH has a career, like I say we have a mortgage, kids, pets etc.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on holiday or pay for DCs to go on school trips. But this just seems a bit OTT. Out of my comfort zone I suppose. Or am I missing the point? Will it be worth every penny? I’d appreciate views! And as I said at the start, I do appreciate it’s a “nice” dilemma to have.

Are any of you experienced Michelin star lunchers?! Would I regret not going?!

No way.
If I decided it was an expense worth doing, then I’d want to be completely happy about it. I’d be too wary of your friend pushing the boat out with drinks and then expecting it all to be split 50:50.
I’d also prefer to have a holiday with the dog

All these sneaky wealth boasters!

I'd swerve it and go to Kentucky for Wicked Zinger Burger, chips, beans, hot wings and Pepsi.

So just discussing this with DH.

He thought it relevant that though both of us have been fortunate enough to dine at 2/3 star establishments via work we've never, ever suggested to one another we should go by ourselves (though we could afford to do so).

I suggested that's because we have been lucky enough to have that experience (albeit separately) so it isn't a "tick" in the box we feel the need to accommodate.

His response was: "that might be your view but frankly I wouldn't pay a penny (never mind £700) for the endless shite tiny portions of performance fluff described as a tasting menu and don't get me started on the cost of the wine to accompany what was essentially a set of "snacks". Your home cooking is more satisfying".

Sorry he was a bit more explicit (sweary) than this so have edited

He's not a foodie btw but appreciates good food.

I love food I really do but £700?! FML!

Sod that, go to Spain for a few days.

that might be your view but frankly I wouldn't pay a penny (never mind £700) for the endless shite tiny portions of performance fluff described as a tasting menu and don't get me started on the cost of the wine to accompany what was essentially a set of "snacks

I love your husband, that's exactly my thoughts! We went to a well know celebrity 'chain' basically because it was situated within the hotel we were staying at and had the tasting menu, I was dying for a fish supper after it. It's since been stripped of its solitary Michelin star.

@LaurieFairyCake

“I spunk all sorts of money on shite I don't need but this is a bridge too far for me”

Me too!

Oh, you can bet they'll go crazy ordering as '50/50' and 'Well, it's my birthday!'

DH and I OK mainly me are massively foodie, and could afford it, and we probably wouldn't do it.

We have gone to Michelin star places abroad where it is generally cheaper, and for set lunches - but in the UK to pay for a star name, chef, no.

We don't generally like the atmosphere or the fussiness and would rather go somewhere a bit more rough round the edges but fun.

DH is fond of quoting Michael Winner who said something along the lines that 'it's just food. A few hours later it will be shit. For me to pay that much, the added value must be spectacular'

So what sort of added value would you need for it to be worth it? If bits of foam in a Michelin star restaurant don't work for you, sometimes a plate of fish and chips from a shack on the beach can be just as good at a fraction of the price with a holiday thrown in!

@AnnaMagnani great quote!!

Sorry, yes you said £700 for 2 not 4. I was reading it quickly and didn't notice. Yes, very expensive ! And if you are going to worry about it, then it really wouldn't be enjoyable. They do seem a bit stingy not to offer to pay if they can afford it. At the end of the day, the company is more important than the venue!

Have to add this comment from my father (immensely wealthy, though entirely self-made) when I mentioned it to him:

Bloody hell, what’s wrong with people today? You would literally be shitting away the best part of a grand a few hours later. The money would actually be flying down the sodding u-bend. They’d better be gold-encrusted turds for that price. Jesus Christ I’ve heard it all now.

(You have to imagine this all spoken in a broad Lancashire accent to get the full effect)

If I were going to spend that kind of money on a once-in-a-lifetime one meal, I would want to do it on my own terms: not in honour of someone else’s birthday where they get to choose the venue, and the date, and the wine, and have all the fuss made of them, while I get to pay for the privilege of joining them. Perhaps this is very selfish of me. Nevertheless, I think your friend has a cheek asking you to spend such an enormous amount of money to celebrate her birthday.

I'd be quite upset if a good friend, knowing the difference in our relative financial positions, suggested that I might like to spend a huge amount of money on a celebration of their birthday. At best it's unthinking, at worst greedy.

£700 is much less than a day's salary for me, not even including DH. I could never ever bring myself to pay that amount of money for a meal - the (albeit limited) number of Michelin starred restaurants I've visited have screamed pretentious wankery, and the people who frequent them just aren't my type.

I'm really not meaning to offend anyone by the way!! It's just that as someone who grew up lower working class in the north, it's really not my scene.

And I completely agree with @Reallybadidea

Been for a Michelin starred meal tonight and nowhere near that. Sounds more like Le Manoir or Fat Duck prices - you would need to be very comfortable payingvthose prices to be able to relax. A no from me

I suggest the business lunch at Le Gavroche for £73 per head:

Canapés
Amuse Bouches
Starter
As much home made bread as you can eat
Main course
Dessert
Coffee with petit fours
Half a bottle of wine
“ “ “ “ water

Michel Roux jnr comes round the tables to chat to his customers at the end of lunch.

Iirc, Time Out or some other foodie organisation calls it the best value lunch in London!

Not a chance would we go.

We could have a week away for that as a family!

@MontStMichel - I'm so glad I read this thread and saw your comment.

That sounds fabulous and I so love Michel. Will be subtly telling my DH about it for sure!

I hope you let us know the final decision OP

But don’t worry about saying no, I think it’s a crazy ask.

It’s too subjective to say for someone else.

It’s not something I’d spend easily. But you say your husband wants to do it. And I want to go to French Laundry which involves a flight to the USA and driving to and accommodation in the Napa Valley..
I’ve mentioned it to friends who say they would be interested. But if they hadn’t been, I’d hope they wouldn’t hold it against me.

You can go to a starred restaurant at lots of top restaurants for lunch for £50-£75 per head, especially in London including the Ritz and the Savoy, although they stand out more for the buildings and ambience rather than the food. I agree with the PP who said that Le Gavroche is excellent.

Our children buy us Virgin Experience vouchers for dining experiences for our birthdays, Mother's Day etc as they know we like eating out and don't need any more 'stuff'. We have been to some lovely places, most recently Roux at the Landau for a tasting menu and aperitif. Could you send her a voucher for something like this and then you would be able to control the venue and the price, and you would only have wine and service to pay on the day so could budget for it. I assure you that the restaurants welcome these vouchers or they would not participate and it's lovely to receive one as a gift. I don't think you need to buy a new outfit, smart casual is fine, just wear something that you feel comfortable in. Someone mentioned the Ivy (the original one not the spin offs) - I go often but it is not really fine dining, just lovely food and a good vibe, and a lot of people just wear jeans.

If it's the Fat Duck, I would say that it is a 'once in a lifetime' experience. I was very impressed the first time I went but the second time I was underwhelmed. It's more of a culinary theatrical than fine dining.

It’s too subjective to say for someone else - this is so true - what you wish to spend your money on after all life's essentials have been paid for is a wide range of stuff that no one needs - fancy car, designer handbag, bit of jewellery whatever give you pleasure...I prefer experiences to things - I am peak stuff - so spending money on good food and wine is the best way for me to spend money. OP if spending money like this does not make you happy then let your friend know it's too much she can go with her dh and all of you can go somewhere else.
Think it was Jay Rayner that recommended La Gavroche as the best value lunch in London - I love his writing but I have dined in a few of his recommendations and I often wonder where he ate as his view of the food and mine were wildly different.

@SickOfBeingFat not a starred restaurant but
www.vanillablack.co.uk/ was really good fine dining food, definitely not the standard veggie fayre - dh and I were both blown away - it made us grin ear to ear - still remember the blackened celeriac!