About couples making out that childfree weddings are for my benefit not theirs?!

[WeddingWoes1234]

Not a thread about whether weddings should be childfree or not, I totally appreciate that it’s down to each individual couple to plan their day exactly as they want it although I do think it’s weird when all of your friends have children, but the WAY this is put in the invite.
Over the last couple of months I’ve had invites saying things along the lines of ‘no children because we think you’ll have more fun’ or ‘we want you to be able to let your hair down and relax’, like it’s a big favour to me not to invite my children. Don’t get me wrong, things are fun without kids they’ll still be there when we get home at the end of the night and will need looking after the next day so there’s only so much hair you can let down! I wish people would just say ‘we’ve decided we aren’t inviting children’ and leave it at that rather than making it seem like a virtuous act.

And yes I KNOW this isn’t a big deal in the scheme of things but I’m irrationally irked by it

IMHO, alcohol and children dont mix.

YANBU, but for what it's worth I had something like that on my invitation as I'd seen it frequently, and pre DS thought it was a really big deal to say no kids and wanted to try and explain it (albeit cheesy and badly done). Now I have DS I can see simply saying 'adults only' would have been fine!

YANBU. We're not having children at our wedding (because we don't want to), but we're not going to pretend that it's for the benefit of the guests.

If anyone asks we will tell them that it is because it would quadruple the cost of the wedding, and the party we are planning is not child friendly.

Yanbu.
By all means, don't invite children. But don't make out it's for my benefit! If your invitation says no children, I'd be working out how to best politely decline anyway so I don't have to be away from them

We had a child free wedding.
If we were invited to one, we'd probably have to decline because we have no childcare.
I wouldn't hold any ill feelings towards the couple, and I would also hope they'd understand.
Everyone should have the wedding they want.

Not this thread again!

Yanbu. If people were thinking about the comfort of their guests then they could offer them the choice!

Yanbu. It's very condescending.

I don't know. I think it's sad the happy couple feel they need to justify their choices in this way.

YANBU

Always the ones that take a refusal to attend as a personal slight as well

Totally agree. Although ‘we don’t want your snotty nosed brats running around while you ignore them and chug the free champagne and ruin our big day’ may not be as poetic on the wedding invite.
Or please bring presents but not your cunty kids.

For the record we had loads of kids at our wedding. Had some lovely dancing moments and they all went suitably nuts went it got dark and cracked me up.

I like my friends kids! Most of the time.

But we're having several (very loud and not lyrically child friendly) bands, bonfire, bbqs, and single malt tasting.

YANBU adults only is a better explanation on an invitation. Not that an explanation is needed I think people feel guilty like they have to explain

We addressed the invitations to the people invited. And to be clear, we said at the bottom of the rsvp card we put something along the lines of ‘space restrictions preclude us from inviting children’.
It was a black tie wedding and if we’d included children we would have had to cut about 30 of our friends out. It was only a problem with one family, and she was more upset I hadn’t asked her kids to be bridesmaids (the two children who were part of the wedding stayed for an hour afterwards and then were taken home by their grandmother). No one seemed to mind and I think young kids would have been pretty bored much of the time.

I would decline on principle any wedding invitation that included that patronising let your hair down phrase whether or not I had a babysitter.

I think it's just become the standard, rather coy way in which this is phrased on wedding invitations, like those poems about giving money as a present. No one actually expects you to think they're doing you a favour by not inviting your kids any more than they expect you to arrange for a horse-drawn landau to bring you home because the invitation says 'Carriages at midnight.'

'Carriages at midnight' means 'book your taxis for 12'. 'No children because we want you to let your hair down' means 'We're not inviting your offspring because it would quadruple the cost of the wedding'.

YANBU. It’s ridiculously condescending. Just be honest and say you don’t want kids there, don’t try to dress it up.

I asked my friends if they were likely to want to bring their kids before I sent the invites- just to get a feel for numbers etc. None of them did because they all fancied a nice adult weekend away where they could drink, dance and let their hair down!

All our friends had kids when we got married.
What's weird about not inviting them?
If we had, it would have added at least 50 extra people, who quite frankly I didn't want there, never mind the extra cost and lack of spave. It was my wedding, not a kids disco.

Having said that, there was no cute lines from me. A simple family children only when asked if kids were invited.
Only 2 guests declined, husband's of 2 close friends as they couldn't get sitters. My friends just said tough on their husbands, they were not missing my wedding!

Agreed, that message is so twee. We had no kids at wedding and just said ‘we’re not inviting children’ all of the people with invited who had children still came so think it was fine.

Yes completely agree!!

Don’t have children at your wedding if you don’t want to (although it unfortunately means I will also not be there) but do not make out it’s a favour to me - “you’ll have more fun.”

You're not being unreasonable, the person inviting only has to address the invitation to the couple (or parent), and they will know their kids aren't invited because they are not named. When people are having a less formal do and are happy to have children there, they usually put 'children welcome' on the invitation.

I think it REALLY is something not to fuss about.

Said couple probably just wanted a nice way to say it, and found some website that advised that this was the way to do it.

It's the 'we must arrange something soon' of wedding blandishments.

I work as a wedding and event planner and I find the whole thing very odd. I understand it more when couples don't have children themselves, although you will often see it done by couples who have their own DC's!

If I were invited to a wedding that wasn't child friendly I wouldn't attend. My children have never spent a night away from me / DH and I wouldn't leave them for a wedding, friend or not.

Oh and it's a millions time better than my friend, who has put a lot of pass agg hints on her invite about limited room for prams, yet expects her in laws to mind read about wanting no children in spite of not specifically ruling them out!