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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder honestly what must go on in the minds of some men?

454 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 03/07/2019 13:08

I've just taken my niece out for lunch. She's 16 and with the arrival of the weather she's been wearing a t-shirt and a mini skirt with her converse. Typical look for your typical teen but for just during lunch alone she was accosted by 2 different men who asked for her number. Both men clearly middle-aged and trying their luck. I admit she does look older than a teen but sheer audacity of these men hitting on a 16 year old girl really riled me.

OP posts:
MyLovelyLadyFlumps · 04/07/2019 18:11

“There are some distasteful men out there, as well as women”

Feel free to start a thread asking for situations where men/women have been harassed by women. I’m sure it’ll fill up in no time Hmm

oldtiredlonely · 04/07/2019 18:17

My daughter is 20 and we went out together with family before Christmas. Men who were clearly more my age were chatting her up, gawping at her. Made her feel really uncomfortable.

Made me really angry and quite upset. She's gorgeous, but if men my age went young girls what chance do I have? I don't want to be with someone who acts like that on a night out.

Someone touched her bum as she walked past. I was behind her and saw, I needed holding back or I'd have probably been arrested for assault! In 2018 who the hell thinks it's still appropriate to touch a girls bum in a pub?

CoraPirbright · 04/07/2019 18:19

As an attractive women when I was on my 20’s for example, I got nowhere near as much attention as I did from age 12-17

I had never thought about that before but you are absolutely right Sundancer77. What a sobering thought. I just have to keep reminding myself “there are good men out there, there are good men out there” as a sort of mantra before I lose my faith in humanity entirely.

Hassled · 04/07/2019 18:27

This thread is so depressing and upsetting. I'm the invisible woman in her 50s now but back when I was young and pretty it was the same - and I normalised it then. That's just what life was like. I'm fucked if my grand-daughter should have to normalise it though.

NippySweetie16 · 04/07/2019 18:28

I am 60 in a month. Sitting on the bus this week one evening the drunk behind me twice ruffled my hair while reciting a filthy poem at the top of his voice. He was told sharply to stop - twice - but ignored me. Full bus and no-one helped. Minor incident but just says it all - what goes on in their heads?

vincettenoir · 04/07/2019 18:30

Yuck

LuckyAmy1986 · 04/07/2019 18:32

Yep @nippysweetie16 completely agree with you. And that was my point earlier. Even if they aren’t acting on it, who knows what goes on in their heads or their internet search history!
Just to clarify I’m not saying ALL men are like this. I’m just saying it’s not just some who are distasteful and the majority good. It’s the reverse!

Vynalbob · 04/07/2019 18:37

My answer for the 12 year old one would be .... she is 12 I suggest you leave before I call the police. They quite clearly can see how old she is. That is not right at all

Sadly she wasn’t with me. She was coming home from school.

She did as I told her and approached the guard. Who declined to assist.

BY Guard - on a train
Report guard next time

I agree with 99% of comments but creeps come in all shapes and sizes.... Even decent looking ones, they're not always obvious.
Suggest general safety advice not just avoid the weird ones in long macs

MorningRichie · 04/07/2019 18:38

My wife tells me stories like this and reading them turns me cold. I used to say that not all men are like that because I'm not.

I think it's safe to say that most men are like that and how would you know that I'm one of the minority? I now agree when people say "all men" because rather too many of us are.

I was crossing the road and was going to end up on the other side at approximately the same time as a woman on that side was passing so I ran to make sure I got there before her. I didnt want to end up walking alongside her and I certainly didn't want to be walking behind her as I've read so many threads here where men behind women can be frightening.

I wouldnt have thought about it without threads like this.

Beansandcoffee · 04/07/2019 18:38

Men don’t see this as a problem or issue - until it happens to their daughter. The men I know, decent blokes, know their mates do this but do nothing about it as it seems to be a male right. I say to my partner why don’t you say something when your mates are being sexist. He just says I don’t think about it.

MorningRichie · 04/07/2019 18:42

I have.

Going back a good few years we walked past a young homeless girl asking for change. A mate offered her a tenner for oral sex. I know for a fact he was joking and was just trying to impress the rest of us.

He got shoved away and told that he was a disgrace and never to do that again.

roundtable · 04/07/2019 18:43

Someone should start a Facebook page where people can upload photos of these perverts with the age of the child they were trying to harass. Disgusting pigs.

Moralitym1n1 · 04/07/2019 19:00

Why aren't some of those plenty of men who don't do this not speaking out against it?

On what platform?

I have seen men defend women occasionally in situations like this is a train service worker in high vis stopping a drunk Rastafarian pushing a girl into a corner and smooching at her on a train out to greenwich. But I'm sure many men are worried about aggression and being hurt in scenarios like that.

Aside from one off incidents where, when and how do they protest against it?

Also I do think, never being on the receiving end, many men are truly unaware of the extent.

Moralitym1n1 · 04/07/2019 19:02

Ie a train ...

Nearly47 · 04/07/2019 19:11

There is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behaviour. Even if girls look older from afar you can tell they are young. I remember me coming back from school at bus stop hiring my long attention but to attract attention from men that would slow down to call out from their cars. Do they realise that it can be terrifying for a young girl? I have hope for the generation though as I see less of this behaviour among 20 years olds. So maybe there is hope

Nearly47 · 04/07/2019 19:12

*hiding

Iamnotagoddess · 04/07/2019 19:14

I often think this when I see blokes in cars perving at school girls Envy not envy.

SimplySteveRedux · 04/07/2019 19:18

Also I do think, never being on the receiving end, many men are truly unaware of the extent.

While I think a man watching their daughter go through it opens eyes, it's also true fathers are engaging in this behaviour. Men are more than aware of what's going on, choosing to be part of it, ignoring it, fighting it or frustrated. Would be a very small minority who are unaware. Infinitesimally small.

pinkstripeycat · 04/07/2019 19:25

Hidingtonothing

I'm already noticing DD getting looks. She's 10

Omg! There won’t be any normal men looking at her. That’s paedophilia. Disgusting!

BBOA · 04/07/2019 19:30

A dad I know was saying he experienced this. He just very loudly said to an ogling man. '' She's 13 for gods sake ' whilst giving a very hard stare.... I'm starting to have similar with my 11 year old who is really tall and looks like she's 15, until yuu see her baby face. Makes me so mad! Think i' ll just start shouting' are you a paedophile? '.

thedevondumpling · 04/07/2019 19:34

I suppose it is a bit like the 70 year old women who go on holiday to a poor country and are convinced the 20 waiter is madly in love with them. I can never figure out what they must be thinking and then you see them in a magazine or on TV all sad faced that he's got his visa and dumped them.

I can never work out who is worse in that scenario.

cheesemongery · 04/07/2019 19:36

My 10 year old daughter has long blonde hair and long legs - out yesterday, she was in a tshirt, denim shorts, cap and trainers - perfectly acceptable 10 year old attire...

The amount of men I caught 'clocking' her made me feel sick.

Dontcallmeprecious · 04/07/2019 19:36

My dd is turning every head, even very old ones, and was approached by 17/18 year old men, she is wearing conservative clothes by anyone standards, not that this matters. She is 12.

It makes me feel sick. Yes she is tall. Yes she is striking. But now she has started to look and feel less confident because she finds it so uncomfortable.

I am running out of patience fast.

KennDodd · 04/07/2019 19:41

I expect they're thinking she's gagging for it and owes them a blow job.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/07/2019 19:54

I expect they're thinking she's gagging for it
I think you're right, it is all about warped perception in their head.
I remember the first time I watched American beauty Kevin spacey the irony
The 2 female feminist songs released miley and Billy, men won't hear the words, they'll be focused on the tongue and pvc in the video.

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