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Original poster

To wonder honestly what must go on in the minds of some men?

454 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 03/07/2019 13:08

I've just taken my niece out for lunch. She's 16 and with the arrival of the weather she's been wearing a t-shirt and a mini skirt with her converse. Typical look for your typical teen but for just during lunch alone she was accosted by 2 different men who asked for her number. Both men clearly middle-aged and trying their luck. I admit she does look older than a teen but sheer audacity of these men hitting on a 16 year old girl really riled me.

OP posts:
managedmis · 04/07/2019 12:55

At 16 she's already learning to appease men so they don't get aggressive towards her

^

I agree. She shouldn't have to appease anyone. I'll be telling DD to look these idiots in the eye and tell them to fuck off, what are you looking at you pervert?

Girls are still too socially conditioned to be nice, behave, be polite, etc etc, instead we need to tell our girls it's OK not to be nice, not to conform and not to expect and deflect street harassment!

JacquesHammer · 04/07/2019 12:57

I agree. She shouldn't have to appease anyone. I'll be telling DD to look these idiots in the eye and tell them to fuck off, what are you looking at you pervert?

Girls are still too socially conditioned to be nice, behave, be polite, etc etc, instead we need to tell our girls it's OK not to be nice, not to conform and not to expect and deflect street harassment!

But the risk of male violence is massive.

Sheepdog100 · 04/07/2019 13:02

I think some of these pervs would rather we lived in the 13th century when the age of consent was finally introduced......at age 12!!!

I’m not sure why they do it. They are a very different breed to women that’s for sure!

MissConductUS · 04/07/2019 13:10

My experience in OLD many, many years ago taught me that most men are massively over confident in their appearance and attractiveness to women. It was a shock to me because in general women are acutely sensitive to the slightest imperfection in our appearance. I, for example, do not like my toes at all.

Many men, on the other hand, seem never to have looked in a mirror or given a thought to their lack of physical fitness or the state or their hair, clothes or shoes and swan around like movie stars.

2eternities · 04/07/2019 13:11

menu plant I wasn't saying it in that way.. I do think some girls/women obviously attract more male attention than others, like another poster said being conventionally attractive and ime having a certain type of figure /look (two boys I went to school with when I was 14/15 told me on MSN messenger they wa**ed off over me because I 'looked like a porn star', these guys wernt friends either they said it separately!)

So that's what I meant I think women who look a certain way get more attention than say very 'homely' looking flat chested women who have rather boyish figures iyswim? Not that I'm excusing any of it. Just think thats why some women are perplexed about this because it never happened to them?

2eternities · 04/07/2019 13:15

Nanagedmis because deep down, they understand it. Some of these men will no doubt be up to no good themselves, or would be tempted if they knew categorically no one will ever find out.

alligatorsmile · 04/07/2019 13:17

And how many men approach girls "respectfully"? Plenty! Probably the majority

Doesn't matter HOW. Grown men should not be approaching girls.

They don't have an automatic god-given right to approach people they fancy. Their hopes of getting their rocks off does not constitute a right to do anything, nor does it trump the girl's right to go peaceably about her day.

This happens to almost every female. And I think the majority (more than half, rather than "most") of men do it or think about it. The (sizeable) minority of decent men don't realise it goes on and would be quite shocked to learn that just about every female they know has experienced this or will experience it.

Grrr getting so angry just thinking about these entitled, frightening scumbags.

YOUR HORN AIN'T NOBODY'S PROBLEM BUT YOURS, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF

LuckyAmy1986 · 04/07/2019 13:18

because deep down, they understand it. Some of these men will no doubt be up to no good themselves, or would be tempted if they knew categorically no one will ever find out
Yep!

SimplySteveRedux · 04/07/2019 13:48
  • Why aren't some of those plenty of men who don't do this not speaking out against it? Why are they keeping quiet when they know other men are treating/have treated their mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, girlfriends, nieces, daughters like this?

This, really? Why not? They just allow it to continue... And I don't know why*

I think many men are naive to the sheer size of this issue, plain ignorant or complicit. I do believe a large majority see this behaviour as completely ok, totally disregarding the psychological impact it has. Pure conjecture but it's not a stretch these leches think looking is completely fine. These pervs have insular, safe, internet spaces, are in the ascendency, fighting to exert control and power, and those men who see this behaviour for what it is are shot down, marginalised and ignored.

SimplySteveRedux · 04/07/2019 13:50

Nanagedmis because deep down, they understand it. Some of these men will no doubt be up to no good themselves, or would be tempted if they knew categorically no one will ever find out.

Yes, quite. The father away for the week with work etc. Boak.

2eternities · 04/07/2019 14:25

Oh yes, and the golf/gym/pub/working late excuse for when they were secretly visiting my council flat to pay for sex, and I was a broke 18 year old! My neighbours were young lads and used to always comment on the flash cars outside my flat, too flash for the area. Many of the cars had child sun visors in the back windows,which was amusing to my neighbours for some reason.

LettuceP · 04/07/2019 14:33

Had it from about age 12-20. I was constant, I was slim with big boobs and quite a pretty face. I can remember my male PE teacher leering and smirking at me during swimming lessons, being catcalled and horns beeping at me while walking down the road, random men thinking they had the right to touch my arse or try to have a grope of my boobs. I was quite fiesty though so I always told them "fuck off perv" or something like that. One time I was in a nightclub and a guy (early 20s) grabbed my bum and tried to come on to me, when I told him to fuck off he spat in my face. I manged to get him kicked out but it was bloody awful.

Of the men aged 25-50 that I know I can count on one hand how many that are not sleazy creeps. I know a few men in their 30s and 40s that are cheating or have cheated on their wives with 17/18 year olds and my opinion is that most would if they got the chance. I honestly don't understand how some of the men I know at work actually have wives who would put up with them but I guess they must show a very different side of themselves at home.
I think/hope my dh is one of the good ones and all his friends (male and female) tell me that he is but I would never say never.

SylviaAndSidney · 04/07/2019 14:38

I was walking to the supermarket with my 14 year old in her school uniform last week. A 40 odd year old had his head craned practically out of the window, slowing down as he drove past.
I honestly nearly broke out into a run to chase the car, wrench the door open and slap his filthy chops Angry

2eternities · 04/07/2019 14:49

Lettuce, honestly the unwanted attention you get when younger is off the scale, I was the same slim curvy figure,.had DDs by 13 and the amount of groping and being followed around shopping centres etc was insane. I still get harassed usually by young men in cars if I'm not with my DC or dp but I just laugh and think it's pathetic now and doesn't happen as often now I'm nearing in on 30 lol. My DD is 5 very pretty with long golden hair and my DP has had a guy looking at her on the bus and then approaching him trying to be friendly, it freaked him clean out I've also had an old man slow down in his car to look at my then 4 year old DD I couldn't believe it I was shaking with anger, the amount of pedos about is insane.

LettuceP · 04/07/2019 15:15

2eternities yes it's disgusting really. I think a lot of girls/women are uncomfortable and intimidated so giggle, be polite or say nothing and these pigs think that means their advances are wanted. In my job we usually have a few teenage girls (17-19) working with us and most of the men (age 30-45) make filthy comments about them and less filthy ones to them all the time. Really bothers me but I can guarantee that if I complained then nothing would happen and I would probably get pushed out of my job.

I'm 27 now and I get left alone mainly, I've always got small children and sometimes dh with me plus I look my age. If I'm on my own or with my friends I do get men coming on to me but it's respectful now. The creeps seem to only like teenagers.

LenoVentura · 04/07/2019 15:56

BiL is currently in the throes of a divorce from his DW of 35 years. Turns out he's been using prostitutes of one sort or another for most of their marriage. He's unrepentant and in many ways not unhappy because now he's free to pursue his interests unconstrained. He likes very young women, late teens, early twenties and has no insight that they only go with him because he's paying. He's utterly entitled - "why shouldn't I?" and seems to believe that they actually like him and are interested in him.

He's 58, a paunchy, shortsighted, boring corporate exec Hmm. He thinks they should be grateful. He's got two DDs in their early twenties and no doubt has spent the last 10 years perving over their friends. These men are demons and they are on every corner, in every office, pub and club. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'd castrate them if I could. Thankfully I'm not in charge.

2eternities · 04/07/2019 16:28

Leno yes I met a lot of guys like that, many said things like 'younger women are just better/more beautiful' etc and some would say that they wernt attracted to their wife anymore since she got old and fat. There were also ones who said they had no issues at home but just wanted 'variety'. I also came across single and widowed men who said they wouldn't visit if they were in a relationship so it ain't all bad I suppose, lol. There's also a big market for 'milfs' in escorting so I don't think every man only likes very young women. Certainly a lot do though.

areyoubeingserviced · 04/07/2019 16:39

My young looking fifteen year old was accosted by a middle aged man who asked her for her phone number when she was on a bus.
She told him that he looked older than her own father.
Btw, she noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring

Moralitym1n1 · 04/07/2019 17:37

Why aren’t - what appears to be a fairly large proportion of - men just capable of being decent humans?!

They re not - they think with their dicks, they're animals; if you assume that about them, you'll be on the right track re. most men.

Sexnotgender · 04/07/2019 17:42

Creepy arsehole followed my 14 year old daughter up a quiet side street and started taking photos of her.
We spoke to the police. They said we were absolutely right to report it.

EllenMP · 04/07/2019 17:45

I'm sorry your niece has already had to learn how to wriggle away from a man's attention without provoking him. No one should have to do that, especially a young girl. What have we argued and pressed for if not to be treated as people and not objects? What else can we do to get the world to value us for something besides our sexual desirability? And to define desirability as looking like a teenager? Gross. I would have told the men she was underage and that if they were not gone in two seconds you would be photographing them for the police. That will make them think about approaching another young girl. Vile.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 04/07/2019 18:02

I'm sorry but men as a class are trash.

OP posts:
ton181 · 04/07/2019 18:06

There are some distasteful men out there, as well as women and those that identify as anything in between. They are not all the same!

clareken260 · 04/07/2019 18:06

I was 13, and in Girl Guides uniform, when I was flashed. As I didn't react he ran passed me and flashed again. I just kept going and he gave up, but it left me shaky and worried about walking anywhere on my own.

nuxe1984 · 04/07/2019 18:08

Unfortunately this is an indication of the society we live in. And before anyone jumps on me - I'm generalising here as I know not all men are like this BUT too many are …

They feel they are entitled. That they can say (and in some cases do) whatever they want to women. They will have mothers, sisters, even daughters and would be outraged if anyone treated them in this manner but that doesn't seem to occur to them.

Gender stereotyping and the media have a bloody lot to answer for this. If middle-aged men feel they can hit on young girls when they are out with their mothers, aunts, etc. just think what they'd try if those same girls were on their own???

I'll tell you something … if we (as in us women) did the same to them they'd be horrified! Hit on them whilst they were with their wives, daughters, etc. Maybe that's what we need to start doing ????

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