Upset about sister in law

[NavarnaJ]

Me me and my partner have been TTC for 18 months, as we are a same sex couple you can imagine the amount of money, emotional turmoil and tests that have gone on.
Luckily we are now 10 weeks pregnant and couldn’t be more excited. We’ve slowly been telling members of our family- those closest to us.
Yesterday I found out my partner had been keeping a secret from me- her sister is pregnant too, due 3 weeks after us! She doesn’t have a partner and has a 6 year old son who we have spent a lot of our time bringing up ourselves! Am I selfish for feeling upset, emotional, angry and a whole host of other feelings towards my sister in law? I just feel that we tried so hard and she knew we were actively having treatment why would she do this to us? And she also claimed she didn’t want anymore children etc etc... I just don’t know what to think anymore and we are due to have our nephew this weekend (as we do every other weekend to give my sister in law a break!) and I can’t think of anything worse.
Please help me in telling me what I’m feeling is either okay or I’m being too sensitive. My partner is a little upset and doesn’t feel any excitement towards this new niece/nephew either...
TIA

AnneLovesGilbert

Thank you xx

@KurriKurri

Spot on

I also am at a loss what you are angry about

What are you upset about? Can only people you feel are worthy enough get pregnant or can nobody you know get pregnant in case they steal your thunder?

Tbh, in the world of infertility, 18 months isn't that long to be trying considering that couples aren't usually referred for investigation until they're a year trying.

If she's 3 weeks behind you, she was pregnant before you knew you were pregnant so it's not like she did it deliberately - although even if she had, she's allowed to get pregnant whenever she wants!

Having a child opens you up to a lifetime of comparisons with other kids and parents if you let it. Do yourself a favour and don't let it. You will only make yourself miserable.

I’m not sure the op is coming back..,

I am so lucky that I have a first cousin who is 3 week older than me. During our childhood, we spent so much time together, less in our teens but we were still very close. Lost touch a little in our 20s but became really close again in our 30s and thereafter. She is one of my closest friends even though she lives on the other side of the world now. I'm ridiculously excited that she's over here now and I'll be with her next week! We're in our 60s!

Your baby and his/her cousin are very lucky.

Try to think of it like that. It will honestly work out the best way if you can.

Am I missing something here? I was thrilled when dsis and I pregnant at same time our dds adore each other only 8 weeks apart

How did I know the OP would have only posted once.

I can see it from both sides. She’s probably oblivious drifting through life in a feckless way as people do. Her happiness and baby won’t take away from yours. It doesn’t reflect on you in anyway. But my partner and l are struggling with fertility issues. Friday we had 3 pregnancy announcements from people. Each situation was more ridiculous than the last e.g. people who won’t work and want to just smoke weed, people running off to Canada, one who has burned through 2 fiancées in 3 years etc. I freely admit l think we deserve it more than them and we have tried harder. Yeah l sound like a bitch probably but l don’t care. It’s just the way l feel

@Praiseyou they are a same sex couple so it’s more complicated for them

I can understand you are sensitive about this and you have been through a lot so you have every right to be.

But it isn't your choice when anyone else has their own children. It is their own choice and they are entitled to do it as and when they want to.

It will actually be lovely for your kids to. E so close in age.

Yabu

In the time I've been TTC, my SIL has had one baby and is 18 weeks pregnant with another. Of course it hurts like hell, but she's not doing it to get at me...

Why should you expect others to put their lives on hold because of your problems, unfortunate as they may be? That's an incredibly entitled attitude. Your partner sounds far kinder in not telling you when he knew it would upset you.

So bizarre. No ones done anything to you.

What exactly did your SIL do to you and your partner? SIL getting pregnant has nothing to do with you. Your and your partner’s fertility issues have nothing to do with her. YABU. Should everyone you know not have sex nor get pregnant while you’re trying to conceive or while you’re pregnant?

This isn't about you.

I started TTC on the first of january 2009. Yes, 2009. Luckily my SIL didn't wait for me and had two more kids. You don't wait for friends and family, I presume you didn't go around asking permission to get pregnant first? That would be bonkers.

Did you only have your Nephew, "to give her a break"?

There was no attachment made on your behalf etc? You seem prepared to throw away that relationship and upset a child (and possibly your partner) to punish the Mother.

You need to have a look at yourself. As said, she hasn't done anything to you. This could be a shock for her, but she didn't want to abort. Should she abort on your demand?