I'm 18 stone, shortish and my BMI is about 50 billion.
I have small children and I'm very unfit. I can walk around for hours easily with them but I can't run, trampoline, swim (my body is now weirdly and slightly grossly buoyant!!), get involved at soft play etc.
My knees really hurt and when I get up from a chair I make an "ooof" noise. I'm also tired all the time and generally sluggish.
I used to be 10 stone and reasonably fit. I've had a few really shit years with bereavement and domestic violence. Now single (phew).
I don't binge eat but I do eat too much over the day so my weight gradually creeps up and up. I probably have between 2000 and 3000 calories a day. Also I really love diet drinks which I know I should knock on the head.
Food has become my emotional crutch and something I have control over. It's not even that the food I eat is terrible, but for example if I have a jacket potato I will have enough cheese and butter with it (and salad...) to make it probably close to 800 calories. Or maybe more. Or if I have a salad I will have a whole avocado, blue cheese and dressing.
I have managed to lose weight before but it is SO HARD not to go back to comfort eating patterns. I am single so no-one else for me to cook for or to cook for me.
My children eat fantastically well and I do eat well with them. But I'm the classic Mum with chocolate hidden in the fridge that I munch while they're distracted/outside etc. I have to reiterate that my dc eat a wide and varied healthy diet. They're the right weight for their height and are slim and fit. I know they will notice that I am fat though (if they haven't already) and this makes me so sad.
So, my AIBU. Aibu to not know where to find the motivation to change my lifestyle? I want to eat more fruit and vegetables. Eat less processed food. Eat my meals with the dc and not eat again after they're in bed. I want to do couch to 5k. I want to take them to Go Ape when they're tall enough! I want to be able to jog along with them when they scoot. I want to be a great role model for them.
And yet, I bury my head in a comforting tray of nachos or a bag of M&M's most evenings. Or both.
It's not ok but I'm struggling so much. Partly, I think the problem is that I have no one to look after me (I know, that sounds a bit wet). I am highly motivated to look after my children and to feed them well but I lack the oomph to do the same for myself. Even though I know that looking after myself is one of the most important things I can do for my dc!
Sorry, it's an essay. AIBU to ask for help, motivation, anything?
I have tried SW and WW. I found the meetings quite annoying and the way of eating didn't seem that healthy to me. To be honest, I don't think I need a diet plan - I just need to not eat crisps, chocolate and cake every single bloody day.
Thanks for reading this far. I will be checking in on this thread before I go to bed.