Obese and without motivation

[SplashingAroundTown]

I'm 18 stone, shortish and my BMI is about 50 billion.
I have small children and I'm very unfit. I can walk around for hours easily with them but I can't run, trampoline, swim (my body is now weirdly and slightly grossly buoyant!!), get involved at soft play etc.
My knees really hurt and when I get up from a chair I make an "ooof" noise. I'm also tired all the time and generally sluggish.

I used to be 10 stone and reasonably fit. I've had a few really shit years with bereavement and domestic violence. Now single (phew).

I don't binge eat but I do eat too much over the day so my weight gradually creeps up and up. I probably have between 2000 and 3000 calories a day. Also I really love diet drinks which I know I should knock on the head.

Food has become my emotional crutch and something I have control over. It's not even that the food I eat is terrible, but for example if I have a jacket potato I will have enough cheese and butter with it (and salad...) to make it probably close to 800 calories. Or maybe more. Or if I have a salad I will have a whole avocado, blue cheese and dressing.

I have managed to lose weight before but it is SO HARD not to go back to comfort eating patterns. I am single so no-one else for me to cook for or to cook for me.

My children eat fantastically well and I do eat well with them. But I'm the classic Mum with chocolate hidden in the fridge that I munch while they're distracted/outside etc. I have to reiterate that my dc eat a wide and varied healthy diet. They're the right weight for their height and are slim and fit. I know they will notice that I am fat though (if they haven't already) and this makes me so sad.

So, my AIBU. Aibu to not know where to find the motivation to change my lifestyle? I want to eat more fruit and vegetables. Eat less processed food. Eat my meals with the dc and not eat again after they're in bed. I want to do couch to 5k. I want to take them to Go Ape when they're tall enough! I want to be able to jog along with them when they scoot. I want to be a great role model for them.

And yet, I bury my head in a comforting tray of nachos or a bag of M&M's most evenings. Or both.

It's not ok but I'm struggling so much. Partly, I think the problem is that I have no one to look after me (I know, that sounds a bit wet). I am highly motivated to look after my children and to feed them well but I lack the oomph to do the same for myself. Even though I know that looking after myself is one of the most important things I can do for my dc!

Sorry, it's an essay. AIBU to ask for help, motivation, anything?

I have tried SW and WW. I found the meetings quite annoying and the way of eating didn't seem that healthy to me. To be honest, I don't think I need a diet plan - I just need to not eat crisps, chocolate and cake every single bloody day.

Thanks for reading this far. I will be checking in on this thread before I go to bed.

I have struggled with my weight all my life but after my 2nd child it's at it's worst! After 2st baby I worked really hard and felt bsck in shape. I am finding the sheer exhaustion of 2 small children ( 1of which still doesnt sleep well) and a demanding job and try ing to check the house clean and tidy means it crushes and energy/motivation left at the end of the day. I've also just been tested and had low vitamin D. Im.hoping supplements might perk me up.a bit and give me energy to cook healthy food and do exercise. If anyone finds some inspiration of kick starting motivation please let me know! Good luck x

What about trying the Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis App?

apps.apple.com/gb/app/virtual-gastric-band-hypnosis/id504835984

I have actually used this and it does work!

Intermittent fasting, life changer for me. No longer feel hungry or crave foods. 6 weeks in, 2 stone down and happy on a 20/4 regime. I’ve cut the carbs, upped the good fat and am sleeping better and far less brain foggy.

Right, well you guys rock. And to everyone who is in the same boat - we can do this!
Interesting that 5:2 has been mentioned because I think that might be the way forward for me. I have done it before and loved it because a) it's not just free but you save money because you buy slightly less food! b) it's simple on fast days - don't eat until a simple 500 calorie supper and c) I have friends who do 5:2 so I can have support in real life (of the "My goodness I'm so hungry" "Me too!" variety)

I really get a shock every time I see myself in a mirror or shop window. In my head I'm still a size 10-12 which is what I was for most of my adult life pre children.

I do think that no having anyone to look after me plays a big role. I "treat" myself with a box of chocolates and then eat them all. It's madness. I would NEVER let me children eat a box of chocolates because I care too much about them.

One thing I might try to think about is whether what I'm about to eat is something I'd feed my children. I'm also guilty of not eating with them, and I think this will help so much.

The plan that's formulating in my mind is to go back to 5:2 but possibly the version a pp mentioned where I fast 3 days a week, eat normally (as much healthy food as I can eat really - can't have too many vegetables, right!) on 3 days a week and one day when I eat whatever I want. Hopefully I will manage that day better once I'm eating more healthily anyway?

And I should probably try to walk for an hour or so every day - enough so I get out of puff. I can't start couch to 5K yet because I HAVE NO CLOTHES!! But that's another story.

Honestly guys, thank you. Another thing that I think will help is re-reading this thread! And yes to whoever mentioned drinking water. I have lots of pony bottles for water and I can add some lemon and cucumber so I can feel like this is really me, the new healthy kick ass me.

This is me. I was doing better, got down to 17 stone from 22, have been very unwell since October time and put all the weight back on

I start a new diet every couple of days. I am severely depressed by it. I have recently been diagnosed with OSA. Just today I've signed up with a weight loss specialist. Hes going to set me up an exercise regime, a food plan and speak to me every day I've signed up for 4 months at £400. I'm secretly hoping he will rop me to shreds if I cant keep to it and in 4 months time I will magically be better.

I'm so sick of this being my reality.

I've spent my life dieting, and what finally seems to be working for me is doing the 16/8 diet. Basically you can only eat during an 8 hour window of the day - I seem to work best with 8.30am to 4.30pm and it's been really simple for me. There is a black and white rule that you can't eat outside that time, and I've been able to stick to it. Initially I just stuck to eating in between those times, and then I've gradually reduced the amount of food. I'm veggie anyway so that helps, and I have cut all junk out now so I'm eating 3 healthy meals a day and nothing in between.

I completely agree with the PPs who said baby steps and changing one thing at a time. I'm sure I read somewhere that it takes around 66 days or similar for something to become a habit.

I did think about asking for this thread to be moved somewhere or starting a new thread in another section. But I think I'll leave it as everyone is being so kind and brilliant and I'm sure lots of people will benefit from reading this.

My GP told me recently that my BMI is now in the category that would be considered suitable for gastric band surgery. I have never felt so horrified or ashamed. (I would also never chose surgery - all power to those who do, but it's not for me).

I'm starting tomorrow. Well, today really because there is no chocolate in the house

Only got 8 stone to lose. How hard can it be?! Who's with me?

Your biggest advantage in all of this is that you are aware you are doing things from. Without that you would imho never succeed. And that awareness is hard to come to.
Kudos to you!

Well done peonies My GP and another consultant I saw for something unrelated both recommended intermittent fasting. I have a lot of healthy friends who do it purely for health benefits and not weight loss.

Wrong. Not from...

In 2 weeks - you'll feel it
In 4 weeks - you'll see it
In 6 weeks - you'll hear it

This is so true. It's so hard to start, and it seems pointless - what's one days dieting going to do, I can just start tomorrow. But then if you start now, in six weeks there will be a real difference. Compared to being at the end of the year and thinking "damn, I didn't lose anything this whole year" (I've done this ).

You said you don't need a specific diet, and I know what you mean. It's just about eating less and despite how it may seem, us fat people actually have a lot of food knowledge. But maybe it would help to just pick a diet (any diet) and follow it for a while. So you have more of a strict goal and something to think about. I've had good results with the 800 diet/intermittent fasting.

My other tip is go to sleep instead of sitting up in the evenings. It seems a little sad but there's no way I can resist eating high cal foods at that time, especially if I'm by myself.

If you add a table spoon of ground flax seed to yogurt/smoothie or whatever everyday it completely gets rid of cellulite in less than a week.

Ok, it doesnt get rid of it, but it boosts your body’s collagen and makes your skin smooth...its like witch craft for £1.80 a bag.

It’s not weight loss but it makes you look much better for minimal effort.

Thanks Ninja I do really like this too:
In 2 weeks - you'll feel it
In 4 weeks - you'll see it
In 6 weeks - you'll hear it
And I might put those milestones in my diary to see if they're true!

I'd also LOVE to be slimmer and fitter by Christmas. I'd love to wear a dress or new jeans or ANYTHING on Christmas day that isn't size 20 M&S jeans. That would be so super cool. I spend about £100 a year on clothes for myself at the moment. How cool would it be to buy new things that looked good!

I wear the same sort of thing every day. I also avoid pretty much every party I'm invited to because I literally have nothing to wear.

Single My dc have flaxseed in smoothies most days! And there was me thinking that their perfect limbs were due to youth! I will definitely give that a go!

I'm skinny as a vegan. About right as a vegetarian, and currently, as a meat-eater, obese.

I think it lies in self esteem, like you, my kids are slim but I don't place the same value on my own health so don't take the same care with my own diet.

However, doing it for a cause worked, in my case, animal welfare. Would something similar work for you?

I am on the verge of changing to a pescatarian diet (just fish.....or maybe fowl too) as I think the morality of eating mammals will be the clincher for me.

X post OP, I just saw you are thinking of trying the 5.2 diet, that's great.

Exante. Shakes are good.

I'm with you. 4 stone to lose (I'm 15.6 at the moment) and I hate it. My body disgusts me☹ I need to change.

Oh god me too.

I also eat generally sensibly but it's the snacking that's my downfall.

I had 2 portions of icecream after dinner this evening 😔

And biscuits and chocolates and nuts at work "to keep me going"

I'm trying slimming world this week but I also know i have to give up sugar completely. It's addictive and I crave it. When i give it up the first week is hell but then it gets easier, and I don't have to make any hard decisions. I allow myself fruit instead.

Tomorrow is another day! Let's make it a better one x

I'll join in.

I'm great at losing weight for 3 or 5 weeks.

Saldly, that doesn't seem to be enough time to lose 5 stones in.

I'm a chunk too, little bit taller little bit bigger than you. And I'm a massive boredom eater. Don't have a sweet tooth and hate fizzy pop but love my crisps and salt. I eat roughly 1800 kcal a day but I'm def lazy. I did loose a stone in two months using my fitness pal, as having to see what you eat and the amount Of kcal etc in it made me only have the one pack of crisps instead of the entire multi pack etc. Then I found out I was pregnant so now it's more to make sure I don't gain anything, so far so good BTW even lost 5 pounds. I also plan on joining a gym once bean is here as I know moving is my main issue. It's just finding what works for you in honesty. The app stopped my snacksadents and now I eat cherries or grapes when bored and make sure I don't go over my daily kcal limit. So may be worth a look?

Everyone is different, so it’s hard to offer advice. I found i had to write a food diary to keep myself on track. As someone who has recently lost over 4st, my key changes were
Swapped crisps for rice cakes (still crunchy and vinegary)
Swapped chocolate bars for ryvita with a bit of Nutella on them
Swapped soft drinks for low calorie squash mixed with sparkly water
Gave up pasta
Had eggs for breakfast, as they keep you full
Ate big salads and stirfrys so that I never felt I was having to limit my portions
Bought expensive dark chocolate so I only had a small piece in the evenings, as it was so rich

The swaps are obviously not as nice as the real thing, but I gradually felt the swaps were worth it as I saw the weight coming off. I know it’s not easy though, OP. I still have a couple of weeks at a time when I fall off the wagon. Good luck!

I want to eat more fruit and vegetables. Eat less processed food. Eat my meals with the dc and not eat again after they're in bed. I want to do couch to 5k. I want to take them to Go Ape when they're tall enough! I want to be able to jog along with them when they scoot. I want to be a great role model for them.

Then do it! The only person stopping you from doing these things is you. You have to find the answer within yourself. I know it’s easy to say and so so hard to do, but in words from the musical Matilda: “nobody else is going to put it right for me, nobody but me is going to change my story” - you can do it if you really want to. Believe in yourself and value yourself.

More practical tips, as well as the above psychobabble 😊:

1. start now, don’t put it off
2. cut out all crap, and I mean all! After a while you won’t miss it, a while longer and you’ll look at it and think - yuck!
3. set small attainable goals
4. celebrate when you achieve them (in a non-calorific manner!)
5. put a picture of slimmer you on your fridge
6. find some type of exercise you enjoy, even if it’s just a daily walk
7. don’t have crap food in the house. If the kids want unhealthy snacks, buy stuff you don’t like (I buy salt and vinegar crisps!)
8. if you get tempted, have an argument with yourself! Don’t let self say “a little bit won’t do any harm”. Those little bits all mount up
9. remember that we on mumsnet are rooting for you!

Good luck!

From Pinterest

Can you pre make healthy but sweet snacks.
Vanilla essence and honey raisins are great replacements for baking sweet low fat treats.
You can use strawberry shavings to decorate the top like castor sugar.
My Dsis records all the eat well for less programs, she fast forwards all the chap to note healthy recipes.
She's lost 4 stone and never thought she would.
Be kind to yourself the motivation will come later.