Obese and without motivation

[SplashingAroundTown]

I'm 18 stone, shortish and my BMI is about 50 billion.
I have small children and I'm very unfit. I can walk around for hours easily with them but I can't run, trampoline, swim (my body is now weirdly and slightly grossly buoyant!!), get involved at soft play etc.
My knees really hurt and when I get up from a chair I make an "ooof" noise. I'm also tired all the time and generally sluggish.

I used to be 10 stone and reasonably fit. I've had a few really shit years with bereavement and domestic violence. Now single (phew).

I don't binge eat but I do eat too much over the day so my weight gradually creeps up and up. I probably have between 2000 and 3000 calories a day. Also I really love diet drinks which I know I should knock on the head.

Food has become my emotional crutch and something I have control over. It's not even that the food I eat is terrible, but for example if I have a jacket potato I will have enough cheese and butter with it (and salad...) to make it probably close to 800 calories. Or maybe more. Or if I have a salad I will have a whole avocado, blue cheese and dressing.

I have managed to lose weight before but it is SO HARD not to go back to comfort eating patterns. I am single so no-one else for me to cook for or to cook for me.

My children eat fantastically well and I do eat well with them. But I'm the classic Mum with chocolate hidden in the fridge that I munch while they're distracted/outside etc. I have to reiterate that my dc eat a wide and varied healthy diet. They're the right weight for their height and are slim and fit. I know they will notice that I am fat though (if they haven't already) and this makes me so sad.

So, my AIBU. Aibu to not know where to find the motivation to change my lifestyle? I want to eat more fruit and vegetables. Eat less processed food. Eat my meals with the dc and not eat again after they're in bed. I want to do couch to 5k. I want to take them to Go Ape when they're tall enough! I want to be able to jog along with them when they scoot. I want to be a great role model for them.

And yet, I bury my head in a comforting tray of nachos or a bag of M&M's most evenings. Or both.

It's not ok but I'm struggling so much. Partly, I think the problem is that I have no one to look after me (I know, that sounds a bit wet). I am highly motivated to look after my children and to feed them well but I lack the oomph to do the same for myself. Even though I know that looking after myself is one of the most important things I can do for my dc!

Sorry, it's an essay. AIBU to ask for help, motivation, anything?

I have tried SW and WW. I found the meetings quite annoying and the way of eating didn't seem that healthy to me. To be honest, I don't think I need a diet plan - I just need to not eat crisps, chocolate and cake every single bloody day.

Thanks for reading this far. I will be checking in on this thread before I go to bed.

AngryBird the chart sounds awesome!
Knitting and jigsaws are a great idea too.

With the diet fizz. As I said upthread about DSIS and her weight loss, she had a Coca-Cola addiction, she replaced it with coke zero or pepsi max.
I much prefer Pepsi max.
The weight fell off her.

I was you this time last year. In September I joined SW which I know you say doesn't work for you but I think any plan so long as its the right one for you will work if you stick to it. I am now 4 stone lighter (have 1.5 to go to target but may loose another 1.5 if I feel up to it once hit target). Yes at times it has been hard but it is worth it. Dont get fixated by the number on the scales my advice would be to take your measurements and pictures (no one has to see) and redo every month. Keep a record of non scale victories I help this keeps me motivated on bad days - things like dropping a dress size, someone commenting, being able to do something your weight stopped you doing etc. I also did c25K and now I run 2/3 times a week and although I'm still not great at running I love the feeling I get and how my body is toning up. I've joined a local running group and do Park Runs on a Saturday. Keep going as believe me the benefits far out weigh the negatives of loosing the weight. I know you say you have no one to look after you and you put all your energy into looking after your DC but they need you to take care of yourself so you will be there to take care of them.

Instead of fasting all day, could you have porridge for breakfast, salad for much, grilled chicken with loads of veg for dinner.
I think you're setting yourself up to fail by fasting. Good luck

Intermittent fasting is great. After DD2 I lost all the baby weight within two weeks but within a few months I weighed more than when I was 9 months pregnant, same happened with DD1. I find sleep deprivation hugely affects my eating, plus you're tied to the house so much when DC are young and it was boredom that had me reaching for the junk food. I was so low and cross with myself.

I used to lose weight quite easily but the yo-yo-ing caught up with me and nothing would shift it the second time around. Then I found 5:2 and it really worked. It was hard the first couple of fasting days (stay very busy/try to get out of the house) but after that it reduced my appetite overall and I wasn't ravenously hungry any more. There a UK FB group that's good for support/questions. Best of luck OP!

Emerald I see what you mean but for me fasting is “easy” in that the rules are very easy to follow and if I can distract myself I can get through to supper time.
It also helps knowing that it’s an effective fat burner. I’m also comforted by the fact that doctors seem to really rate 5:2/ intermittent fasting generally.

I just accidentally watched a video about how to make a giant crunchie on Facebook. Bastard advertisers.

I think you're setting yourself up to fail by fasting

Not forcibly. The key to me losing weight and keeping it off is not eating anything before 11am. The reason is because the moment I start eating, I crave more food and start obsessing about it.

When I don't eat, I don't feel hungry. I find that I'm actually more performant physically and mentally when I don't eat breakfast.

We're all different.

Well done OP sounds like you've made great strides already.

Couple of observations from your original post.

You're clearly very motivated to want to be able to do activities with your DCs so a focus on increasing activity ( in a sensible scaled fashion like you've going to be doing) is great. I'd detach that from the weight loss if possible as doing exercise won't necessarily make you lose weight but it will definitely help you with your core goal of being a more active DM and also exercise ( provided not done in the company of much thinner , fitter people or maybe thats just me that finds that depressing) releases endorphins and makes you feel happier about yourself.

Evenings appear to be a real trigger point for you so I would build in a treat of some sort. I've recently restarted doing online WW ( am fed up with middle age spread) and I try to ensure that I leave a couple of points for a vodka and slimline tonic

Some really positive advice here OP. Good old MN .** As you can see, you are definitely not alone, and your situation is not hopeless. One step at a time, be kind to yourself and you'll get there. All the best.

I find fasting so, so much easier than calorie counting. I'd rather be hungry sometimes rather than all the time, which I am when calorie counting.

I need to join you. I look a mess and will be headed for a sickly old age unless I do something, pronto. It's hard not to let short-term pleasure take precedence over long-term benefit. My aim is to cut down on carbs.

Can I also recommend these for now OP?
snagtights.com/products/copy-of-stay-cool-chub-rub-shorts-black

I tested them out for the first time last weekend and they're fab.

Another one who could have written this I need to find my motivation. I go on holiday in 4 weeks and after being stuck in then house for a month with 3 kids with chicken pox I'm the heaviest I've been in 5 years none of my clothes fit (I put on a stone in 4 weeks and I wasn't slim before that )

Download myfitnesspal and get a fitbit. The fitbit will sync with myfitnesspal. You can eat plenty and whatever you want as long as it is within the calorie limit. You get to eat quite a lot of calories to lose a pound per week. Don't go down to 1200 to lose 2lb etc. Just literally lose a pound or even 0.5lb per week- just choose one of those options. The fitbit works out how many calories you have burnt and deducts calories you have eaten on mfp, giving you those calories back to eat if wanted- you can choose not to eat them back but just be careful you aren't starving yourself. It works and is the easiest way to feel ''in control'' of what you are eating and choosing to eat.

One of my friends fasts, does the type of dieting can't remember what it is called where she eats within a short window. She eats one meal a day as well, combined with this. It's quite a healthy meal usually, but it doesn't have to be extremely healthy, , make sure you are eating enough in that meal however, as I feel she eats too little. You get used to it. That's another option.

Love this thread! Following cos I have 5 stone to lose nice to see like minded people together. I get married in november so I need to do this

OP this post really hit home for me, I'm in a similar position in that I'm trying to make changes but lacking in motivation. I was thinking about why it is such an issue for me to give up my evening sweet treats, and I've come to the conclusion that I look after myself so little that my way of being nice to myself is a cake, or a latte, or some chocolate. It takes barely any time which is why I think I keep doing it in my busy life, but ultimately, surely I'm worth investing more in than 5 minutes for a chocolate bar. So as well as taking on some of the excellent advice in this thread, I'm also trying to identify non-food based treats: half an hour to read my book, or a bath. Or if I can afford the time and money, maybe getting my nails done. I desperately want to lose weight but depriving myself of sweets has felt almost impossible, and I think it's because it has become the only nice thing I do for myself. So I'm looking to change that as well.

OP I think you and others are right, that perhaps the reason we find it so hard to lose weight at times can be because we really don't value ourselves enough. I realise I might be reading what I need to see in all this! But even if I'm way off the mark for anyone else, this has been really helpful for me! Great thread, thank you.

I think people try to do too much too soon when it comes to weight loss. Going from 3000 calories a day to 1000 for example is too much of a change. The first step should be sticking to the recommended calorie intake, whatever that is, so that you don’t put more weight on. Weigh yourself and then in four weeks do so again and see if you are the same. If you have managed that then you can gradually introduce a diet. The 5/2 works well if you can stick to it. Takes a bit of getting used to but good long term results.

Haven't read Jason Fungs book but would like to after seeing it recommended here! I second intermittent fasting/5:2/16:8. It seems to be SO much easier to fast for a period of time rather than avoid certain foods all of the time.

My DH has always struggled and yo yo'd but he has been able to stick to fasting easily. He is being quite strict but it suits him as he works hard during the day.. He is only eating for 2 hours between 7pm and 9pm for 5 days (just water and black coffee all day) and then eating between 1pm and 9pm on the weekend (although he never has breakfast ever anymore). The weight has fallen off him and he is finding the easiest type of diet/lifestyle change he has ever tried! I now follow the 16:8 and find it is much easier to not eat at all during the fasting time than to ban myself from certain foods all of the time.

Thanks to all the support on here I have had a great day so far. I've got a cauliflower and chickpea bake in the oven (thank you Nigella) which will do for supper tonight and lunch tomorrow.

And then I might go WILD and have some melon and pineapple!

I had to have a strong word with myself at several points today when I just wanted to go and buy an easy packet of something yummy. But I didn't. I realised that if I did I'd either come on here and lie or come on here and confess and feel a bit crap for falling at the day one hurdle.

In my experience, the first 3 days are trickiest.

Non fast day tomorrow. Going to avoid the junk. I'd like to cut out diet coke but realistically I think I need something comforting for now (and I know its evil but at least it doesn't have calories).

Best of luck to all the fellow weight warriors!

splashing join the 5:2 thread on here, too, we’re a supportive bunch.

Here’s the latest one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet/3628434-5-2-Thread-number-86-Weight-loss-doesnt-begin-in-the-kitchen-or-the-gym-it-starts-in-your-head-with-a-decision-to-go-for-it?watched=1

I'm brilliant for 3 months. Can lose weight steadily, improve my fitness, and enjoy the process.

Then something will happen that gets in the way, and I give up. Ridiculous.

Anyone else find ti's not the practicalities of diet/exercise that's the problem - it's the lifestyle change?

I always make sure we have a cut up watermelon in the fridge - it really gives me my sweet hit at the times when I would have a chocolate bar or something. Also sugar free jelly 🙂

I've been doing 16/8 for 3 days and lost 4lbs!! I'm shocked. It's really easy too