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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird ? Dh comes home from work parks on the drive which runs down along the house, then walks across the front garden so he can look in the window

138 replies

Lardlizard · 01/07/2019 22:57

He must do it surely to spy on what we are Upto as he is clearly going out of his way as it’s an l shaped house and the walks past he front door, across the front lawn then looks jn the window

I think it’s weird

He thinks I’m weird for thinking it’s weird

He’s reason he’s doing it to say hello?! Well be quick to come straight in the door

OP posts:
TheInebriati · 02/07/2019 11:18

Cut out an enormous paper mustache, stick it on the window and take a photo of him. Use it to amuse the children and ignore him if he objects.

Illberidingshotgun · 02/07/2019 11:20

Reading this makes me feel uncomfortable, but that's only because it's the sort of thing that exH has got up to since we split.

However regardless of how it makes me react, or how anyone else here feels about it, the thing that stands out to me is that he knows that this behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, yet he still carries on doing it. That's just not nice at all. You haven't seen each other all day, yet he wants you to feel uncomfortable before he's even stepped through the door??

What room is he looking into when he peers in? Can you be elsewhere (kitchen, garden, etc?). Not that you should have to be. Are you always in that room? When you hear his car, can't you send the DC to rush out and greet him?

Original poster
Lardlizard · 02/07/2019 11:24

Yeah I think gays the worse thing he know I don’t like it because I’ve told him
He just refuses to listen

OP posts:
Original poster
Lardlizard · 02/07/2019 11:24

I can’t particularly hear his car form other that come up the street
I couldn’t think of yes that’s that car

OP posts:
Illberidingshotgun · 02/07/2019 11:27

So how is your relationship in other respects?

Lipz · 02/07/2019 11:27

SHIT, I feel like a weirdo now as I do this Blush but my door is next to my window. So maybe wouldn't do it if I had to walk across a garden. Actually dh does it too Grin he normally makes weird voices and pulls funny faces where as I just wave in frantically. OMG the neighbour's must think we're bat shit,

HepzibahGreen · 02/07/2019 11:28

I get you. I would HATE this. People looming up at the window is really startling and my family know not to do it.
The issue is, you have told him you don't like it so he should stop.

TheRedBarrows · 02/07/2019 11:29

It's not a big deal.You are as weird for objecting as he is for doing it.

sandragreen · 02/07/2019 11:31

Fucking weird

icecreamsundae32 · 02/07/2019 11:32

@TanyaChix  moon him please do this @Lardlizard it would be hilarious!!
Not read all the replies yet but my husband does this too it's not in a creepy spying way tho he just likes to see the toddler play, he taps on the window and she gets all excited and runs to the door!

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/07/2019 11:37

Oh I would have shut the blinds/curtains whatever ages ago. Fucks them right up.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 02/07/2019 11:38

I really cannot understand why you don't want your own husband looking in his own window at his own family.

Why is it a problem?

Yes, OK, you "don't like it", but do people always have to stop doing something that gives them pleasure if the other person says they don't like it for some inexplicable reason?

SoupDragon · 02/07/2019 11:41

I don't see this as weird (assuming he's not a controlling arse).

So almost 70percent agree

I assume this means you've turned on voting. I've disabled it so i don't see so the percentage isn't necessarily accurate.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 02/07/2019 11:43

Actually dh does it too - he normally makes weird voices and pulls funny faces

I think that's a dad thing - mine used to do the blowfish face, to our great amusement.

Is this weird ? Dh comes home from work parks on the drive which runs down along the house, then walks across the front garden so he can look in the window
sleepylittlebunnies · 02/07/2019 11:43

DH usually rings to let me know roughly what time he’ll be home and we are in the kitchen or conservatory sorting tea, school bags, playing etc. He wouldn’t see us from the living room window.

If he is very early; quite rare, then he doesn’t ring. I usually have an hour chilling on the sofa having lunch and doing admin etc before the school run. I think he likes to “catch me” being lazy. It is irritating as I’ve been busy the rest of the time and it’s like a ‘aha, caught you’ moment. Not stalkery but really annoying. I’ve taken to licking the inner front door (he doesn’t have a key) so he has to ring the doorbell. Childish I know.

Is your DH doing this? I’d like to think it was looking in on family life when he’s not there but as you’ve told him you don’t like it and he’s carried on it sounds annoying. If you know what time to expect him I’d shut the blinds or be in a different room. Doesn’t solve the problem of him ignoring your discomfort though.

redastherose · 02/07/2019 11:46

It is weird because you have told him you don't like it and he continues to do something that you don't like on purpose.

Whatever his original reason for doing it was, it is wrong to continue in a course of action when one party feels uncomfortable.

Also, to PP's maybe OP can't hear his car arrive in the drive, or maybe he doesn't arrive home at the same time each night so it may be a bit creepy and/or be being done to check up on the OP.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 02/07/2019 11:47

SoupDragon - that's 70% of Mumsnetters. That'll be the ones that won't even answer their own front door to their own mother without three weeks notice in writing. 😂

GabsAlot · 02/07/2019 11:48

Thats the concern for me too red youve asked him not to and hes decided to ignore you-If something i did made someone uncomfortable id stop

dudsville · 02/07/2019 11:49

There's simply not enough to go on here to be able to tell which of you is being odd.

cakeandchampagne · 02/07/2019 11:51

You told him you are uncomfortable with it, and he keeps doing it anyway. That is a big problem.
Are there other things he is doing that disregard your feelings?

CustardySergeant · 02/07/2019 11:55

sleepylittlebunnies "I’ve taken to licking the inner front door"

Shock Weirdo!

NeckPainChairSearch · 02/07/2019 11:57

My DH does this, because he knows we're looking forward to him coming home, and it's nice. It's not stealthy though - it's a big, bright window and you can see him approach from about 1/2 mile away, so there's no element of 'catching us out.'

He does a daft grin at the kids and they bounce around because he's home.

Don't you think he might just want a nice glimpse into the home to take a moment to reflect how lucky he is?

I too love seeing my family together from the outside. It's such a lovely moment, to see and appreciate what you have

This ^ is why my DH does it. I've probably done it as well, now I think about it!

ooooohbetty · 02/07/2019 12:02

The only way it would be weird would be if he was doing it without your knowledge. He's not. You know he's there. It's not weird at all.

AdobeWanKenobi · 02/07/2019 12:05

He also does know, I don’t like it
But when I explain that to him He just tells me I’m being weird about it and doesn’t listen

Thats the bigger issue for me. OP has told him that she doesn't like it. The fact that he carries on doing it despite knowing how she feels is pretty disrespectful.

Close the curtains before he gets in.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 02/07/2019 12:10

Close the curtains as soon as you see/hear the car pulling up. Then, when he's unlocking the front door (having not been able to see in the windows) quickly open the curtains again. When he enters the room, he'll be able to see the curtains are open and it'll really mess with his head! Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin