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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

why are proms a thing now?

158 replies

reytmardy · 01/07/2019 13:45

This seems to be an expensive and sometimes stressful occasion at a time when the kids are already exhausted.
We left school without a prom and we're happy . Please educate me on this. I have a 13 year old thanks

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 01/07/2019 20:19

it strikes me as indirectly promoting heterosexuality

My knowledge of schools in the 21st Century comes almost wholly from MN, but surely in this day and age the young prom-goers can take a partner of the same sex, or a non-binary partner if they wish?

SudowoodoVoodoo · 01/07/2019 20:22

I think they began cropping up around the Millenium. They were well established in my current area by the time I started teaching in the early 00s. Leaving school in the late 90s, we went to the pub on the final day of 6th form and clubbing on results day. We had a "prom" mid-year which was really stick your nicest outfit on and a private hire disco at the golf club.

I think they're a lovely occasion, especially as the last years of education are so relentless these days... well, most of them are!

PookieDo · 01/07/2019 20:22

Not many of the kids took dates they just went in groups of friends

I have seen some outrageous extravagance this evening but none of it made us feel jealous!

Smurfy23 · 01/07/2019 20:23

I left school in 2003 and had a prom.

My parents (who were irish) had a debs ball back in the 60s. From what I can.gather very similar to a prom

SoonerthanIthought · 01/07/2019 20:25

"None of the schools I know of require a partner."

yes, that is a good thing about the ones I've come across - absolutely no requirement to bring a partner. And at the one where outside partners were invited (though not compulsory!) I do seem to remember that some people took same sex partners.
It is interesting that most people's concerns are about the money, faff about make up etc (which are indeed legitimate concerns!). I think they can also give rise to quite stressful social situations - have seen on mn threads about the anguish where a dc has not been invited to the pre-gathering to do hair and make up, for instance. But that seems to vary - not all schools have developed that tradition of pre gatherings!

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/07/2019 20:29

DD left 6th form in 1998 and they had a Ball (disco) I don't remember anything after year 11. It was anything like as ridiculous as it is now though, as a single parent in wouldn't have been able to pay for all that anyway.

And as for Primary leavers' proms. .. words fail me.

ooooohbetty · 01/07/2019 20:31

I'm in my 50's and we had nothing. Leavers discos has been stopped at my school because of all the fighting. Can't say I feel like I missed out. I do thing an end of term party or disco are good ideas in general but I hate the proms because of the expectation to spend a lot of money and I think there is no purpose to having them for leaving primary or middle school.

ElleMcFearsome · 01/07/2019 20:43

From the other side: I had to organise my students prom last year (as they were Year 11). I stay with my year group from their first day in Year 7 until prom (the last day of the GCSE exams). I started work at 7am and finished at midnight (yes, I was on my knees) and despite being totally anti prom and grumbling about the workload, I wept my damn eyes out as they all came down the red carpet. After the amount of GCSE exams they sat they were blissfully happy, relaxed and suddenly grown up. These children, that had somehow become young adults in front of my eyes. All the tears I had mopped, the family upsets (and deaths) the relationships and friendships that went wrong. The worry, the anxiety and panic attacks over exams, everything they had survived. And they were BEAUTIFUL, glowing and radiant with youth and I was so damn proud of them, and of the horribly underpaid, stressful job I do!

They had a fab night, took masses of photos, we did awards (funny and nice, not snarky) and then off they went; some back to 6th form, yes, but others away to college.

Yes, it's Americanised and some go mad in terms of £££s spent, but just as many of them arrived in a low key way, having spent the afternoon at each others houses doing their hair and make up. I think it's a massive rite of passage now and I'm not sure that, in general, we are good at ritual celebrations of things other than birthdays and anniversaries. Give 'em a day, I say, to shine and be beautiful.

PookieDo · 01/07/2019 20:51

They all looked crazy beautiful tonight I cried at how stunning my DD looked, and how happy and amazing they all looked!

Iamthewombat · 01/07/2019 20:58

Hotels, hairdressers, spray tan people, make up artists, limo hirers and purveyors of gel nails must be rubbing their hands together in glee.

I hope the schools are smart enough to ask for commission!

Brodie18 · 01/07/2019 21:00

My daughter has just had hers and there were girls there who’s dresses had cost over £1000.
I reckon I spent about £350 in total and I seemed to have got away lightly compared to a lot of other parents 😬😬

ScreamingValenta · 01/07/2019 21:05

Hotels, hairdressers, spray tan people, make up artists, limo hirers and purveyors of gel nails

It's a shame 16/18 year-olds think they need all that artifice to look beautiful. A bit of make-up to enhance their features, yes, but at that age they shouldn't need to mask themselves completely in order to look nice.

Aragog · 01/07/2019 21:07

The name 'prom' is probably relatively new, but the idea of having an end of year disco/meal/ball with black tie and cocktail dresses definitely isn't.

We had a disco with snacks after GCSEs in 1989. Not black tie but dressed up. Was at school in their hall but a fairly big thing as lots of people did finish school at that point.

Then two years later we had the sixth form ball. Posh frocks and black tie meal and music. Basically a prom in all but name.

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 21:11

I am glad proms did not exist when I left school. I have always been a bit ugly and would have really struggled with a prom as it really emphasises looks in girls.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 01/07/2019 21:12

@jennymanara no, not me🤣 I went to a bog standard comp and rocked up at my prom in a £30 dress from a discount store in Birmingham.

I'm intrigued as to who was a debutante though.....

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 21:15

Did those who had balls go to public schools?

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 21:15

Okay I wonder who I mixed you up with then?

Accountant222 · 01/07/2019 21:20

A woman I know, it was her daughters prom last week, the girl had the 'works' spray tan, professional makeup artist, hairdresser etc. She looked good but it was like a middle aged film star not a 16 year old girl, a photo went on Facebook with her boyfriend, she looked old enough to be his mother.

frasersmummy · 01/07/2019 21:22

Here the primary schools do them too.. 12 year olds. Limos kilts floor length dresses. Hairdressers nails the lot. All for a dance in. The school hall

Complete madness

ScreamingValenta · 01/07/2019 21:25

jennymanara Me too! I was quite happy to turn up at a low-key disco in jeans and t-shirt, but I'd never have gone to anything involving a ball gown and lots of photos.

LaundryIsADisease · 01/07/2019 21:29

Forallthesaints
At my kids' school they go alone or in groups of mates, no dates.
The photos the school publicises afterwards always include plenty of pictures of girls with minimal or no make up, kids in trucks or tractors, gender non-conforming ones, as well as the statutory group of girls with spray tans, full make up, 'prom' dresses arriving in a limousine.
It's a modern, inclusive comprehensive and that is carried through into the prom.

MenuPlant · 01/07/2019 21:49

Not read the whole ft

Left 6th form 92

We had a ball I think but it was just a piss up disco. Got a bit dressed up maybe.

Thing I'm not keen on with the new incarnation which agree has come from usa is the expectation of going in a couple. I really don't like that.

The getting v done up I think would be happening whatever is just the way things are now.

MenuPlant · 01/07/2019 21:51

I'm not sure what mine was called but the gist was suits/ frocks.

Probably called a ball? It wasn't v flash though!

Local 6th form college

MenuPlant · 01/07/2019 21:53

Frasers our primary advertised a prom, then suddenly it was changed to a disco, I think a lot of parents were prob not keen at that age, I was v pleased when they changed it.

Lots of primaries round here seem to do prom as well, as well.

wonkylegs · 01/07/2019 22:37

My leavers ball was at a bog standard comp and it was just a fancy disco in the school hall but all the boys wore suits and the girls wore floor length dresses (nearly all of us wore black velvet long cocktail dresses I seem to remember)
I went to my boyfriends one the following year (he was a year below me) and that was in a hotel but very similar.

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