Nursery took teddy

[Takenteddy]

When I dropped my child off this morning another child was misbehaving (not being violent or anything, they were basically not doing as they were told). They were given a warning, consequence was explained, nursery followed through with consequence.

So far, I totally agree. Normal discipline.

Except the consequence was the removal of that child’s comfort object and they were then left alone, crying for it, in the middle of the room.

It made me really uncomfortable and I would hate to think of my child being in that situation.

I don’t know if I’m being emotional and it’s just something kids have to suck up, or if the nursery were being unreasonable. Although I obviously discipline my kids, their comfort toys are sort of ‘sacred’.

So: were nursery being unreasonable to remove a comfort object as a consequence of bad behaviour?

My DC (now in his 30's) would have been distraught, Teddy was his best friend, totally unreasonable thing to do it will just make the child more upset.

I guess they have to follow through with the consequences, but I wouldn't be happy about this either. Especially at nursery, at such a young age where comfort toys are very important in calming the kids.

Although I obviously discipline my kids, their comfort toys are sort of ‘sacred’.

I’m with you on this. Not okay.

As above. My DD is now 23 but as a toddler her piece of muslin (Muzzie!) was precious.

It's not something I would do, and with children that ae I prefer to make a consequence 'natural' - e.g if you mess around we won;t have time to do X, or if you stamp your biscuit into the carpet you won;t be allowed to have another biscuit. etc. In this case it would be not being allowed to do a certain activity or whatever the child was being silly over until behaviour is modified.

Taking away a comfort teddy is mean and unnecessary. And doesn't actually teach anything.

'that age'

I agree. It’s awful. They should have used a different consequence. I would be VERY upset to think that was my DD away from home at nursery. It’s hard enough leaving your child to work, and you need to know that they will be loved and nurtured 😔

YANBU. That's not good.

I can see that I'm probably going to be in the minority but .... if that was the explained consequence then that has to be the follow through action.

I don't have a problem with it.

I completely disagree with them taking their comfort Teddy. DD 3 still has a comfort thing and I would never use this as a punishment for her. How do they expect the child to calm down without it? I know they would eventually but it’s prolonging the whole melt down in my opinion!

I agree.. if I took my LO's blanket away she would get really upset, so it wouldn't really help anything

How old is DC? At 4.5 I’d be more (although not entirely) comfortable than say 2. I would also expect it to be time limited (‘teddy’s going to sit here for five minutes’).

How old was the child? As they might not have really even understood the consequences of continuing should result in a loss of their bear

Anyone who has even an inkling about child development would know that was a very traumatic and damaging thing to do.
The transfer/ comfort object is so, so important.
I wouldn't trust a nursery that didn't understand that.

No, never ok to take comfort object.

You should talk to the manager. This isn’t discipline it’s punitive and not appropriate

Abuse is very much related to unrealistic expectations of comprehension and behaviour.
Very basic principles taught to health visitors and social workers. Regarded as a red flag.

I would be apoplectic if anyone took my child’s comfort toy.

No. I'm hardcore on following through with consequences but I would never threaten to take a comfort toy away and therefore never do it. It's important when a child has a consequence for their behaviour they have something to cuddle to help them process their emotions

Completely unreasonable and horrible. I wouldn’t want to send my DC there.

It's bad but is it possible that the parents have asked that this be the punishment?

If the parents asked, the duty of the supposedly trained nursery manager would have been to educate them.

Not nice at all :( They should have thought of a less mean consequence.

Was the poor behaviour linked to the comfort object? If a child was throwing their comfort object about or hitting someone with it, then I would say the sanction was appropriate, but if it was unrelated, then it was obviously an easy 'punishment' and probably not the best idea.

that's weird.

Nurseries really don't want to encourage upset and tantrum, it distresses the other kids if nothing else. The removal of "teddy" will only just make things worst, so it's an odd thing to do.