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Original poster

Nursery took teddy

117 replies

Takenteddy · 01/07/2019 12:58

When I dropped my child off this morning another child was misbehaving (not being violent or anything, they were basically not doing as they were told). They were given a warning, consequence was explained, nursery followed through with consequence.

So far, I totally agree. Normal discipline.

Except the consequence was the removal of that child’s comfort object and they were then left alone, crying for it, in the middle of the room.

It made me really uncomfortable and I would hate to think of my child being in that situation.

I don’t know if I’m being emotional and it’s just something kids have to suck up, or if the nursery were being unreasonable. Although I obviously discipline my kids, their comfort toys are sort of ‘sacred’.

So: were nursery being unreasonable to remove a comfort object as a consequence of bad behaviour?

OP posts:
EggplantVestibule · 01/07/2019 14:42

Nursery practitioner here.

What you have seen is a tiny snapshot and possibly jumped to conclusions.

Was it definitely the child's comforter or just a toy they had brought in or found in the room?

Was it even the child's toy?

Could it have possibly belonged to another child?

Perhaps the parents had asked the nursery to do this in situations where the child is misbehaving?

Had there been a long buildup to the situation you saw?

Etc etc etc. My point is that you cannot be sure of any of these things. There are so many unknowns and variables. By all means bring it up, but the practitioners won't be able to tell you anything about what happened to a child that is not yours.

Notcopingwellhere · 01/07/2019 14:43

My DS nursery has a blanket rule that no toys from home can be brought in. I thought that was standard, but it’s never been an issue for us as DS doesn’t have a comfort toy (I tried and tried to get him to fall in love with a teddy as I still love and cherish mine but he is clearly a heartless little sod).

Not criticising one way or another, but interested to know if nurseries generally do allow/encourage comfort toys?

NewFoneWhoDis · 01/07/2019 14:52

Our nursery had the 'no home toys' rule. I thought they all did.
Even on days where you were supposed to bring in your teddy, DS by age 2 understood that Teddy who goes to bed with him every night was too precious to bring in to nursery and he brought a substitute that he cared far less about.

You don't know that it was their comfort toy, or just a random toy they liked in nursery.

AtseneGatnalp · 01/07/2019 14:52

If it was a comfort object that was taken away, that is awful. My DS (now 17) wouldn't have been separated from his without a struggle. Even now, nobody is allowed to touch it (not that they would want to, as it's a manky old bit of blanket).

YouWinAgain · 01/07/2019 14:55

but interested to know if nurseries generally do allow/encourage comfort toys?

DDs Nursery say no toys from home apart from comfort objects

CassianAndor · 01/07/2019 15:02

NewFone all the children at DD's nursery had their naptime comforter, hers was a duplicate of the one we had a home and was called Nursery [comfort toy].

Lweji · 01/07/2019 15:06

I don't see the problem. There was a warning and most children are upset by their punishment.

They'd probably still be crying if there was time out. Or taking the comforter is the only thing that works.

I think you need more context before you approach the nursery, or at least just ask them about it before giving them your take on it.

Lweji · 01/07/2019 15:07

Do you know how long the object was removed for?

shockthemonkey · 01/07/2019 15:08

My 20-yr old still loves his Noonoo (though he leaves it at home now).

I wouldn't be letting anyone take his comfort item off of him at any time, any age.

PhillipeFellope · 01/07/2019 15:14

Comfort item shouldn't have been at nursery in the first place if it's from home.

If it's a nursery toy, action > consequence, seems fair enough.

cavalier · 01/07/2019 15:17

Comfort toys are off limits for punishment
That seems cruel to me !
There are others ways to help a child understand things
Such a young age too ... not acceptable

FrowningFlamingo · 01/07/2019 15:19

This was done to me at my nursery and it’s oretty much the only memory I have of the place! And I’m thirty...

Stopyourhavering64 · 01/07/2019 15:35

my dd was extremely attached to her teddy and I'll never forgive my step mil for taking teddy off dd ( aged3) when they were looking after her when dh and I went away for our first weekend without dcs, as she didn't like the fact dd sucked her thumb and carried teddy everywhere with her she's never forgotten that incident, and she's now aged 23

Nuttyaboutnutella · 01/07/2019 15:39

My little boy is nearly 2.5 and has a comfort toy. I would never use it as punishment and would go mental if the nursery used in that way.

It's cruel :(

growlingbear · 01/07/2019 15:49

I'm with you too. When we were looking at a nursery for DC I was told of a place that would remove all comfort objects from children as soon as parents had dropped them off and put them on a high shelf - visible but not reachable. I thought that was cruel and we ruled out the nursery because of it.
At that age they should be taught how to self-settle asap to encourage good behaviour, not be punished.

Yeahnahmum · 01/07/2019 15:53

Even a 2yo understands that not doing as told leads to a consequence right? Maybe the kid was already told of 8 times. Tough love. Won't kill them, but will teach them a lesson. Surely it was given back to him/her after a bit.

Witchend · 01/07/2019 15:53

Depends so much on the situation.

Only one of mine really had a comfort item. Of the other two, one used to occasionally drag a soft toy around, but really wasn't that attached, and would have got no more upset at the removal of that than being put in time out, or anything really. She did distraught very well though, so you would have thought a heavily valued item was being removed. In real terms, she would probably have 5 minutes later shrugged and got on with something else and not remembered to collect said toy at the end.

It may be a strategy discussed with home.

It may be that toy is used as a weapon/way of being awkward. "Teddy told me to do it" was used by my dbro as a child and the most effective way of dealing with it was to put teddy in "time out".

FudgeBrownie2019 · 01/07/2019 15:56

If it was a comfort item there's no way it should have been used as a punishment; it's just not an appropriate sanction.

BarberBabyBubbles · 01/07/2019 15:57

This is so sad if it was the child’s comforter. Makes me dread putting my two in childcare. Your kids are at the whim of the people who are in charge and have no control themselves. It’s an abuse of power.

BishopofBathandWells · 01/07/2019 16:17

I would be crushed if this were my kid. As @BarberBabyBubbles says, you want to think when you put your children into childcare that they'll be looked after, and I'm not sure this is would I would call good practice. My DC's nursery allows comforters.

Ok, we don't know the context but if it were me I'd probably mention it to one of the staff in a "I'd rather this not be used as a punishment for my child" kind of way.

Derbee · 01/07/2019 16:26

I’d be furious if this happened to my child! If you generally love the nursery, it’s definitely worth raising with them. Explaining it’s needlessly cruel and they had better not EVER use emotional punishment for your child (ideally, for any child, and it’s amazing that people who work with children would need this pointed out 🙄)

MegaPants · 01/07/2019 16:35

I disagree, child was told if they didn't behave the toy would go and that's what happened. I would hate for my DC to have special treatment and be able to keep their 'special' toys even after being naughty. It Teaches them the wrong behaviours. I'd have no issue with my child's nursery doing this.

BarberBabyBubbles · 01/07/2019 16:57

It’s not an appropriate consequence Megapants. I imagine the kid was left feeling distressed and powerless. Not likely to be an effective consequent either. Short term might work but long term teaches the child nothing about how and why to behave in the world.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 01/07/2019 17:44

MegaPants
child was told if they didn't behave the toy would go and that's what happened.

So if the child was told "if you don't do as you are told we will take away all your clothes" and it didn't do as it was told, taking away all its clothes would be ok?

The threat to remove the beloved object being made at all is what is the wrongness; you do not do that to a child, any more than you say "if you don't do x Mummy will stop loving you". And anyone with any gumption learns early that you don't promise consequences to a child unless you are prepared to carry through, so you don't promise consequences which are a thoroughly bad idea.

Coyoacan · 02/07/2019 00:06

Tough love. Won't kill them, but will teach them a lesson

So unfortunate for the children that don't need comfort toys, as there is obviously no other way of disciplining a naughty child.

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