Nursery took teddy

[Takenteddy]

When I dropped my child off this morning another child was misbehaving (not being violent or anything, they were basically not doing as they were told). They were given a warning, consequence was explained, nursery followed through with consequence.

So far, I totally agree. Normal discipline.

Except the consequence was the removal of that child’s comfort object and they were then left alone, crying for it, in the middle of the room.

It made me really uncomfortable and I would hate to think of my child being in that situation.

I don’t know if I’m being emotional and it’s just something kids have to suck up, or if the nursery were being unreasonable. Although I obviously discipline my kids, their comfort toys are sort of ‘sacred’.

So: were nursery being unreasonable to remove a comfort object as a consequence of bad behaviour?

It's also not a 'fair' punishment because some children are much more attached to their comfort objects than others. DD1 wouldn't be all too fussed, she doesn't have a favourite anything, but DD2 would be distraught beyond calming if her bunny were to be taken from her.

Very unreasonable. My ds still sleeps with his baby sleeping bag. It hasn’t fit him since he was 6 months old but he likes to cuddle it like a teddy bear at night. No matter how naughty he’s been, we’ve never threatened to take it away. He does get punished with a toy taken away, no playing outside, no tablets etc. Never his comfort blanket though.

Nursery is unreasonable having the comfort toy in there in the first place. My daughter's nursery doesn't let any things from home in, which is a fair rule, IMO.

Definitely not ok. Withholding of comfort is cruel, needlessly cruel. I would be furious if our nursery done this.

Not on. I think I'd even raise it with whoever was in charge.

It seems very unfeeling towards the child and shows a lack of understanding about how children see the world. That toy would be very real to them and they'd feel connected to it. To take it away as a random punishment, when presumably they have training in age appropriate discipline that they could have used instead would concern me about that staff member in general.

Was it your child? Did you know the full context/background of the situation. If not the yabu.

Are you concerned that this is a general strategy that the use and you don't agree with it then tabby

That's not a suitable punishment for a child that young. YANBU

How old is the child? And what was the situation leading up to the comfort object being removed? This information is important to how I feel about what happened.

(your voting buttons don't really work as your question is not abut your actions)

In answer to your question, comfort toys should never be involved in discipline, IMO.

I lost my temper recently with DD (9) over the state of her room and told her if she didn't clear up all her cuddly toys would be in a black bin liner. 'Even [comfort toy]?' 'Everything!' I shrieked back (I may have been a tad hormonal). The screech of actual horror and the look she gave me pulled me up sharp.

My understanding, having read up on this when we had comforter trouble with one of ours, is that you should never, ever mess with it. I’d be sending an email with a link to some research or something.

That's really mean! DD is 6 and (on the rare) occasion I have to properly tell her off she always cries into her favourite cuddly bear. It doesn't minimise the punishment but I think it helps her calm down and gives her some thinking space. We all need our coping strategies.

oh you would have to pry my sons teddy from his cold dead hands, even now at almost 11 he takes that thing with us anywhere we are staying over night, sometimes he just throws it in a corner, but if hes unwell or stressed about something or upset it is in his bed next to him... there is no way in hell he would behave if you took it from him at nursery age... it would be on bitch!!!!!

Depends massively on wether it was a special teddy, or one that they had just picked up (that belonged to the nursery).

The former - cruel.

The latter - if it was a toy they were entertaining themselves with (instead of listening or whatever) that's a fair consequence.

"I guess they have to follow through with the consequences"

"if that was the explained consequence then that has to be the follow through action."

The problem is in setting that as a consequence.

FFS.

Anyone working in a childcare setting should have some understanding of the role of a comfort object.

I wouldn't want my child to witness that, and I would complain to the nursery, even having witnessed it.

I'm surprised too that they were allowed their comfort toy at nursery, I'm sure DS's used to discourage things from home. Too much chance for it getting damaged, lost or taken by another child

I meant to ask do you know for sure it was that child's comfort teddy?
It wasn't clear from the op whether that was an assumption, or whether it was based on seeing the child with the teddy on previous occasions.

I agree with you on the sanctity of comfort toys! But not all teddies are.

oh any my 19 year old daughter still has her bunny "Roadkill" and he lives in her room at her flat, on a chair and her blanky which she sometimes curls up with and watches netflix.
it was the first thing after her phone that she packed when she went flatting!!!

I have no problem with anybody following through with a (reasonable and appropriate) threatened consequence if a child continues to misbehave, however, they should never use something like removal of a comforter as a punishment.

Thats horrible, that isnt teaching a child to behave thats just spiteful.

I would not be happy about that at all!

My DDs nursery discourage comfort toys past the baby room. They would play with her until she got distracted and then take it away and put it in her bag. I think that's fine, because they say she's fine without it. But to take it away as a punishment and leave the child with no way to self soothe? Dick heads.

I would never remove a child’s comforter, however I think since we don’t know what the run up to the removal was, I can’t say if they were unreasonable or not. Child not doing asked or being mischievous, then no. Child using teddy to whack other children around the head, well then yes, I’d remove it from him/her.

If it was the child's comfort object then it was unreasonable - unless the bad behaviour was somehow linked to the comfort object?

But do you know that for sure and it wasn't just a random nursery teddy?

Absolutely definitely not okay. That is cruel.

That is so cruel. I would not be comfortable leaving my child there tbh. Plenty of other things they could have said the punishment was. No painting etc. When my eldest son started school I had to sew a piece of his favourite blankey into his coat pocket so if he got upset he could put his hand into his pocket and be comforted by blankey. He wore that coat to school for two years so would have been 6 before he did not have it, just in case, at school.