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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Harry and Meghan-part 2

999 replies

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2019 07:45

Following on from this -it was just getting interesting. Someone posted about how Meghan called herself a feminist but hadn’t earned the title. I was interested to know how you earned the title- but the thread ended.

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MauritiusNext · 06/07/2019 13:46

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IABUQueen · 06/07/2019 13:49

What if it isn’t “Harry” per se that’s controlling Meghan, but more so he is enabling his family (her in laws) to control her and being their gateway, because he can’t put proper boundaries in place...

Technically it will be a tough dynamic for Harry and he is bound to expect Meghan to bend backwards instead of his nanny to not interfere when she is the queen... or more like, his sister in law is the next queen and I dare think he finds it difficult to have conversations about boundaries when it comes to his wife and might instead expect Meghan to fall in line with their expectations...

And Meghan is perhaps desperately trying to push back?? As we all do with interfering in laws to place some healthy boundaries ?? And perhaps, errrrrr, she isn’t finding it easy at all that her husband and her aren’t able to be a team since he is being pulled by his family who are much more powerful in this dynamic?

Perhaps Harry has some time to mature before he can handle a dynamic like this... and it’s his responsibility to “find his balls” and step up. Instead of passive aggressively making his family bend backwards..

Perhaps Meghan is making bold statements because.... she is the new one in the family and still had her healthy boundaries which all humans do and it is Harry who never had the chance to develop them and is struggling.. and so as a mother she is trying to protect her family.

I mean... who knows? Maybe she has been here posting about in law issues and maybe WE gave her the advice on how to set up boundaries and how to go low contact...

Maybe her and her husband aren’t on the same page on issues to do with their relationship with the royal family.. or their position as royals. Maybe they have a lot to still work through as a new couple in a high profile marriage..

Maybe it’s just none of our business to analyze what we see on the surface because there are sooo many maybes that can change the context of what we see..

At the end of the day, no money, no fame, is worth ruining a marriage and a family over.. she has the right just like everyone else to make sure her marriage works and there is nothing to suggest that she is the problem in the marriage. I’m sure there are pressures on them from many angles and I’m sure both of them are struggling and not yet perfected their coping mechanism...

He could rub off on her the wrong way.. she could rub off on him the wrong way. Such is life. Tolerance and communication is key, and very private so it’s not for us to see.

What’s important is to see both of them working on it... while being themselves.. and it’s not easy to be yourself while you have a million people around you scrutinizing everything you do and hence enabling an imbalance of power in the marriage.

It makes me happy to see Meghan being confident, having her friends around her, not scared of being herself.. and it makes me happy to see the couple attempting to carve their own lives, and setting boundaries, even if those boundaries are at times questionable...

At the very least, it means they’re attempting to be a team and communicating and soon they hopefully will figure it out. They’re only been married a year for God’s sake... only together for few months more than that!!! Their focus now is them becoming a team and not how to give back..

So yeh.. If she was posting innocent AIBU, or Relationships, I’m sure we would’ve told her to do exactly what she is doing.. anonymously. Money doesn’t entitled us to expect people to give up their rights within a marriage. Boundaries are needed

BertrandRussell · 06/07/2019 13:50

I thought the baby shower was private too. I must have missed all the pictures of ostentatious vulgarity!

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/07/2019 13:54

www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/g26413545/meghan-markle-baby-shower-photos/?slide=24

Here you go. All very low key and it seems most presents are book vouchers and Oxfam goats.

MauritiusNext · 06/07/2019 13:57

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DidItAgainOops · 06/07/2019 13:59

Exactly @Puzzledandpissedoff
There’s also a huge difference between marrying a lower profile royal and higher profile one. I’m convinced that, like wanting to be the PM or POTUS, you’d have to be a little mad to actually want the job! Because it is a job. That’s not to say it’ll be loveless marriage - just that the level of duty involved in being part of the RF means a degree of sacrifice, in the way of freedom and personal choice, that would have been impossible to fully anticipate given the short space of time Meghan has known Harry.

Kate had a decade or so to get used to this reality. Plus she was a lot younger and therefore grew up with William to an extent. It was introduced to her early enough that by the time she married, it was already part of her identity.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 06/07/2019 14:01

Regarding Diana's mental health.
Her behaviour could be an example of an issue or it could just be attention seeking narcissism?
l get somewhat irked at all this this hard done by victim shit.
Piss off if you don't like it, oh but none of them ever do ...Hmm

DidItAgainOops · 06/07/2019 14:03

Isn’t narcissistic attention seeking a form of MH issues?

GlitchStitch · 06/07/2019 14:06

How did the press know about the baby shower?

MauritiusNext · 06/07/2019 14:10

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Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 06/07/2019 14:12

I can't answer that Oops as I'm not a psychiatrist, although I would imagine even professionals differ in their opinions.
It's easy sometimes to label everything as a condition as it then absolves the individual from personal responsibility.
Anyway I'm not here to argue about mental health, I think Harry is a spoilt attention seeking twit that's all.

SirVixofVixHall · 06/07/2019 14:14

I find Meghan hard to warm to. I liked her initially, about time we had a non white person in the RF, but she seems very out of kilter with what the RF is. I think the cultural gulf is huge, and that is far more to do with her American-ness than her class.
She comes across as anxious, clingy, and demanding, and PH seems to respond to that in a Knight in Shining Armour sort of way. She is nearly forty, and on her second marriage, she isn’t Diana, a teenage girl.
The Crown is calm, duty, obligation, responsibility. The Queen embodies those qualities which is why she is so loved. (Princess Anne has those qualities too, I think she would have made a good queen) .

BertrandRussell · 06/07/2019 14:15

Rich people have expensive party. Who knew?

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SirVixofVixHall · 06/07/2019 14:16

I agree with DidItAgainOops

IABUQueen · 06/07/2019 14:23

Now we labeling Diana a narcissist???

Is it so easy to dump the blame completely on everyone who isn’t royal by blood??

And dismiss the entire context just to paint the royals are all perfect..

Ewww

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/07/2019 14:24

Everybody but you, it seems.

Anyway, you wanted links, you’ve got them.

You’re welcome.

BertrandRussell · 06/07/2019 14:29

“Anyway, you wanted links, you’ve got them.“
Thank you. They were pictures to rich people going to an expensive party. She wasn’t going to have a party at the local church hall catered by Morrisons, was she?

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DidItAgainOops · 06/07/2019 14:34

@IABUQueen

Just to be clear, I was responding to a previous post. Not labelling Diana anything

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/07/2019 14:44

It's perfectly possible to have a party that's neither catered by Morrisons nor costs half a million and involves private jets and an ostentatious display of wealth.

BertrandRussell · 06/07/2019 15:00

My understanding that the part was paid for by her friends? Is that not right?

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/07/2019 15:03

That's perfectly OK.

Doesn't make it any less ostentatious though.

So you knew about it?

BertrandRussell · 06/07/2019 15:09

Yes. I knew that she had had a baby shower in New York thrown by some of her very rich friends. It was evidence of it being vulgar and ostentatious and that that was somehow her responsibility I was hoping for.....

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 06/07/2019 15:12

I tend to think everything that involves private jets and parties costing up to half a millions is vulgar and ostentatious.

But of course you might have other standards.

PeonyPink0 · 06/07/2019 15:13

The baby shower was ostentatious and vulgar? I’m not saying it wasn’t- but how do we know it was?

Her friends posted pictures on Instagram.

Your faux naïveté is really wearing.

catinboots99 · 06/07/2019 15:55

The baby shower was ostentatious and vulgar? I’m not saying it wasn’t- but how do we know it was?

Oh, come on!! Now you're just being deliberately obtuse.

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