To ask where in Kent/SE to move for better schools & nicer families?

[Corblimeyguvnor1]

NC for this - because I’ve spoken to lots of friends about it so it’s a bit outing.

We live in Bexley, an 11+ area and I have one child in yr 4 and one in yr 1. The non-grammars aren’t great (though many parents swear they’re better than their results/ofsteds suggest) and I’m not thrilled about my kids having to go through the whole process.

Also, although a lot of my children’s friends are lovely as are lots of my mum friends and I feel like we’re all quite similar - decent jobs, good education, similar parenting styles and outlooks - mostly the area does generally seem to be populated with the kind of people/kids I don’t really want me or my kids to associate with. For example I went to a kids’ party the other day with my younger child (I don’t know his class and the parents as well as my older child’s) nearly every mum had the identikit lip fillers, orange skin, mahogany caterpillar eyebrows look. They were swearing within earshot of their children and all spoke with that awful, lilting “asking a question” tone of voice. I tried to talk to one of the mums and in passing mentioned Brexit and she said she “doesn’t really take any notice of all that politics shit”. I feel like these parents are becoming more and more typical of the area.

Also Bexleyheath is bloody awful but being the local town, that’ll be where my kids want to hang out when they’re teens.

My children would be devastated if we moved them away but I think we really need to consider it.

I’m sure some posters will call me a snob but AIBU to consider moving somewhere a bit less, well, chavvy (there, I said it!). And where in the SE could I move to that’s a nice area/community, decent commute to London, good schools and no bloody 11+?

Thank you, Gina! It’s not just me, is it?! Have you ever thought about moving?

My sister was about to move to get away from the lip filler brigade and then she found out that the posho school she was aspiring to was full of drug dealing, incredibly over privileged snobby teenagers (and matching parents). She’s sticking with the devil she knows 😂

I'm near you op and I know what you mean about Bexleyheath! No way will DS be allowed to hang out there.

There are Bromley schools close by - I assume you e looked at those?

Ello- well, yes, I do worry about the whole frying pan into the fire scenario! Is your sister in my area too, then?

South Oxfordshire is very nice. Good comps. Nice countryside. Lots of people commute into Paddington.

*Sorry, I do know that the whole of Kent is11+ but I guess I was just stupidly hoping they’re might be areas that had better non-grammars but obviously they’re all in the same boat.

Plato, do you mind me asking where you are?*

Any area where there are grammars tends to have less than great comps as they cream off all the best pupils. We moved to Sevenoaks as we wanted a bit more of a villagey feel for our children. It feels like there is less room for them to make the wrong choices if that makes sense, although where there is a will there is a way of course.

@AnneElliott (wow, I’ve only just realised how to tag!) which school does your DS go to? I know a lot of people move to Bromley but was thinking if I do move, might as well go the whole hog and aim for something a bit more countrified. But i know parts of Bromley are lovely.

Yes Corblimeyguvnor1 I think of moving frequently. We bought our current house 24 years ago and extended it with the intention of not moving again. My two DCs are 18 and 20 now and once they leave home I'll probably downsize and move out a bit. I work from home most of the week so I can get away with moving a bit further away from London now.

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber yes, a villagey feel is what I’m thinking. But you’re right about the fact that if they’re going to make stupid choices, they’ll likely do it wherever they live...

Thanks @GinaLolabridgetoofar

I thought you wanted to avoid the 11+ completely , in Kent Maidstone has some nice non grammars on the Bearstead side and a new school is opening next September which should also be ok . Avoid Medway at all cost unless you want to go private .

With your children being so young you may find the area changes so much in that time and you may find whichever you move to may change into the one you have moved from. I'd wait and see how you feel when in another couple of years.

I really like the Wye/Canterbury area but decided not to move to Kent because didn't want to put DS through the 11+, and we don't like what it does to communities. The casual racism the OP mentions was noticeable to us too. Of course there are lovely people anywhere if you look for them, but there are a lot of UKIP/Brexit party supporters in Kent and it shows. After much thought, we moved out of the SE altogether - back to Scotland. Love, love, love it.

On raising children in Bexleyheath a friend said to me ‘well we all grew up here and we were all fine. We just stayed away from the wrong people’. The problem is, I definitely remember a fair amount of wrong people and I am certain the situation has deteriorated in the last 20 years. I don’t have anything else to compare it to personally though so maybe every place is full of wrong people. You don’t get about as much in your 40’s as you do as a teen so I can’t properly gauge here for sure.

London Borough of Sutton has got grammars, but they are super selective and only the especially bright take the 11+ (in theory - there will always be some who try on the off-chance). It is very easy to avoid the whole process and the non-grammar schools are very good.

This thread has made me laugh! Former Bexley person here! I grew up in Bexley. Moved to West Kent recently, I won't be specific but think Tunbridge Wells area. Still got 11 plus here but also really good non selectives, totally different vibe here. Bexley will always be home but it's very 'TOWIE'. I don't see any white Range Rovers down here! Or people droning on about it being gin / Prosecco 'o clock! I completely understand what you are saying about the fake tan / caterpillar eyebrow crew . We escaped and don't regret it.

I would rather avoid the 11+ but if there was an area in Kent that had better secondaries, I’d consider it. But as a pp said, the secondaries in most 11+ areas will likely all have the same problem.
@PlatoAteMySnozcumber - I went to a school with a lot of less than nice children but I did pretty well education-wise and didn’t grow up to be an ignorant racist and I do try to use that to convince myself it’ll all be ok but like you say, I feel like it’s getting worse around here.

The only folks I know who stayed in the SE but managed to avoid the dreaded 11+ madness headed to the Wadhurst area (Sussex) or the Saffron Walden area (N Essex). Both commutable. But seriously, if you are going to move, do you really want to/have to stay within the orbit of London? The commutes are long, expensive and really eat into your family time.

Just to add another YANBU, and the problems you cite are some of the reasons I don't live in Kent, though my family are there and I would love to be closer to them.

As someone who has been through the Kent 11+/comprehensive system I would not choose to put my child through it. Can't offer any advice on where to move because I'm not even in the SE anymore, sorry!

@CJ201 yes, TOWIE is the right description!!

Christ is it that bad there?
I'm in Berkshire, but from Medway, miss friends there and was thinking of going to Bexley as my DSIL lives in Bexley Village (we can't afford to rent there though). I knew Welling/Erith had a bad rep.
Oh well back to the drawing board!

@Snowdrop30 need to stay near London, unfortunately, for husband’s work.

Sympathy. Which station/s does your husband need to get into? We spent ages mulling it over before deciding to bugger off altogether. Will be helpful if I can.

Look at the number of schools in Tonbridge, despite grammar, some of the single sex schools are really good.
Also Essex very, very grammar, more so than Kent.
(Went to school in one, teach in the other)

@BibiBirdie ah, it’s not horrendous or anything. Bexley is DEFINITELY better than Erith and Welling. I have lots of friends here who have the same worries as me - we just need to outnumber the TOWIE lot!