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Original poster

Husband not included me in will

285 replies

Finallyfeelstrong · 29/06/2019 04:26

I’ve just been given a copy of will my husband had done at Christmas.
We have been together for 7 years and married for 1year. He has grown up sons, grandchildren and a son who lives with us as his home life was chaotic. I also have two grown up children and a younger one living with us.
I work full time and husband has a business. When I met him it was only just keeping a float. Since then he has built it into a million pound business. I have worked, payed the mortgage and the cost of renovations on the house we bought that I lived in initially as I had all children at home and neither house was big enough. So I lived across the road and paid £650 a month rent as it covered full renovation and the mortgage is £210. I continue to pay the mortgage on that house and renovations and my adult children with one of his live in their. I also pay towards bills and groceries etc in the house we all live in.
I look after both his and my younger children and raise him as my own. My own child goes to his fathers every weekend and half of every holiday and his son sees his mum for a couple of hours once a week.
Anyway I was given a copy of the will my husband wrote after we were married as he had promised his exw that kids would be looked after. Which is what I also would expect.
The will states I’m to be guardian of his younger child, his mum hasn’t been informed, that the business, all the properties, 500k in life insurance will be given to children of his marriage and kept in trust, for his kids and their futures.
That I can live in the house I’ve actually paid for rent free for the rest of my life but can’t sell it etc even though he told me it could be and on death to be split between all our kids
It explicitly states that other than the house I pay for that is already covered in a different clause. Should-my name- benefit from any part of my estate other than the property named.

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 29/06/2019 04:40

I'm not completely convinced that he can make a Will leaving property that doesn't belong to him to his children. You need a solicitor on this one I think, and it is probably worth doing now because if he does pre-decease you that sounds like it would be very troublesome.

MimiSunshine · 29/06/2019 04:42

Crucial question. The house that it sounds like you solely pay for, who’s name is it in?

If not yours or joint then fix that immediately, no negotiation whatsoever, you need to have your contribution recognised.

If you do already legally own (on the mortgage / deeds) the house is it tenants in common or joint tenants?
If the former then he can stipulate what happens to his share, but only his share so the kids only inherit half of the house (or however much).
If the later then I don’t see how he can bequeath it away from you.

S1naidSucks · 29/06/2019 04:43

Fuck that! I’d divorce a man that thought so little of me.

Apolloanddaphne · 29/06/2019 04:45

I think you need to be seeking legal advice.

TheBrockmans · 29/06/2019 04:46

So how does he propose that you support the younger ones financially if he were to die tomorrow. I think that would be the priority as 500k in the future isn't much comfort if you can't eat now. You could propose a separate life insurance to cover that eventuality. Do you have sufficient pension yourself? If not then some additional funds now - so paying a smaller share of bills would be prudent as no use in having a house which cannot be sold but you also can't afford to live in. I was a little confused so you have a share of one house and can live rent free in the other?

Ultimately he could change his will at any time, or you could get divorced, at least this way you have warning and can prepare areas such as pension, extra life insurance etc. to cover it.

BagpussAteMyHomework · 29/06/2019 04:50

Who owns which houses?

EverythingHappensForARiesling · 29/06/2019 04:54

You’re married. Marital assets belong as much to you as him. Please get advice.

hellodarkness · 29/06/2019 05:04

I think this is usual for second and subsequent marriages, when children from the first marriage are involved.

It is to avoid a situation whereby his assets go to you when he dies, and then to your dc when you die, thus leaving his dc with nothing.

Have I understood that the house that is in joint names is exempt and in a different clause?

And that there is a second house that you can live in until death, rent free?

My xh has protected our dc similarly.

Skittlesandbeer · 29/06/2019 05:19

I think you’ll find he’s been a bit hopeful in his attribution of assets to you or him, when you get advice. So technically, you’ll likely be far better off than he’d have you believe.

On the downside, this attitude of his- and this fait accomplit process of ‘giving you a copy’ rather than doing the wills together- would cause some serious practical problems in the ‘now’.

I’d start quarantining off whatever was mine, separating and documenting out everything, and probably seriously reconsidering the relationship. I’d likely play a bit of ‘Snap’ with his bloody document, slap down a separation/divorce agreement with how the financials would be likely divided, taking into account all your contributions. See how he likes them apples. Let him take that to his solicitor for verification, let him feel the pain, then ask him if he’d like to give this estate planning lark another whirl, with your full participation.

It’s a plan that lets you be flexible with how you feel, you’re likely to go through a few stages like shock, fear, grief, before this plays out. Make sure he gets to feel a few of these too. Words never achieve that, only actions.

I feel for you, how awful. And how weak he must think you to be. I’m betting you’re not.

iseveryusernametakenorwhat · 29/06/2019 05:37

Who owns the house? I hope you're not paying a house you have no legal right over.

iseveryusernametakenorwhat · 29/06/2019 05:38

Just realised you're married. How could he possibly stipulate that you can't sell a joint asset? Get legal advice op.

FenellaMaxwell · 29/06/2019 05:40

If you jointly own the house then it isn’t his place to say who inherits it.

blackcat86 · 29/06/2019 05:42

So he wants you to take custody for his child without talking to the mother or without making any financial provision for you from his estate or life insurance. Presumably he's expecting you to feed, clothe, pay for school trips etc for that child out of your own pocket before they are old enough to access their trust fund. I would be refusing to be guardian under these circumstances.

katewhinesalot · 29/06/2019 05:47

I can understand him wanting to avoid his children being left with nothing but from what you've said you'll be left with virtually nothing, despite having paid for a lot of it and being there whilst most of it was accumulated.
Why has he shown you it? How will he react when you tell him you aren't happy with it? Will you be able to discuss it reasonably or will he go off on one?

Obviously you have to renegotiate this. If you can't or he won't agree to something fairer, then maybe you need to talk to a solicitor about a fair divorce settlement.

And as a pp said, how are you going to finance the gift of his son that you will be a guardian to?

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/06/2019 05:54

You obviously need to get legal advice. He doesn’t sound like a nice or caring man at all. From this will you look like a live in nanny.

Isatis · 29/06/2019 06:12

I suspect this could be set aside under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act, but you'd need legal advice.

summerishereatlast · 29/06/2019 06:35

You need legal advice. I am not sure I could stay with a man who thought it was okay to do this to me.

daisychain01 · 29/06/2019 06:36

Does his approach surprise you or is it typical of his attitude and behaviours towards you during your marriage? It would be a showstopper to me and absolutely destroy trust, to know my DH thought that little of me that he'd ignore my well-being to that extent.

I'd start divorce proceedings now and remove the complexity of having to contest his Will after he's gone - at least you'll be able to ensure the division of marital assets can be distributed in yours and his lifetime, and not dictated by his Will.

BullBullBull · 29/06/2019 06:41

I’d leave him

Cakemadeoffruit · 29/06/2019 06:50

Think I'd be heading for divorce and a fair share settlement. Cheeky bastard.

7yo7yo · 29/06/2019 06:55

@Cakemadeoffruit totally agree.
Leave him and take half now.

user1493413286 · 29/06/2019 06:56

Is the house in joint names? If so then can he do that? What does he say about all of this?
My husband has an older child and we have agreed that he leaves everything to me and then everything is split between his child and our child when I die or vice versa. At the moment we only really have a house but if there was much more then he’d perhaps leave a lump sum to each child.

BonitaBonita · 29/06/2019 06:59

What does he have to say for himself?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 29/06/2019 07:01

I would start with legal advice to find out your rights and options if the Will stands.

Then I would talk to him frankly about the Will and how you feel about it. I would have my own plan about how things should be distributed.

If you can’t reach a compromise, then yes, divorce him, and get it resolved now.

AJPTaylor · 29/06/2019 07:02

Would you not be better off just divorcing him now?