AIBU to have red flags at this behaviour by DH

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Dh been unemployed for 18 months. Finally today found out has got a 12 month contract, extremely well paid and is literally a godsend for our family. I have been working my nuts off full time to support us and today , DH asked me to finish on time (4pm) so we can celebrate . I am a nirse and its just not always possible to walk out the door on time . He has literally just phoned me from the pub down the road and had a go at me for finishing at 410pm and it was a test which i failed and i need to now prioritise him as he was the one who was going to be working super hard and my job is just not as important . I am so so angry . For background, he has been depressed this year and has hit the drink rather hard and he is now this week on a high understandbly . However , i cant just walk out when my colleagus need help . He never understands this . Sorry for typos , am cross . For the record we have had similar arguments about work ethic and team playing etc before . Someone chuck cold water on me please .
So AIBU to prioritise my patients and their care before leaving on time even tjough it upsets dh ?

You have more chance of getting a house without him. It sounds like he will piss this job money up the wall playing the big I am.

Twat that last word should be!

Perhaps- his promises very often fall through and i am cynical and he hates that . But i am a product of our marriage - it is what it is. Sorry this has got a bit deep and dark with terrible typos- but thank you for listening . Please keep everything crossed that i can sneak out seamlessly before he wakes up in the morning !

If you have supported the whole family through the last 18 months just think how well you could do dropping an alcoholic drain on your mind and finances? You sound amazing, get rid of the dead weight holding you back.

Why are your wages going in his business account, change that straight away! I think you need to start saving and thinking about getting away

He's scared - hence the drink and the boasting - but taking it out on you is not ok, and can never be a good sign. He's weak so he's trying to hurt you so you feel as bad as he does deep down, and then he can lord it over you. Ew.

By the way 'I'm doing everything for you' is a silly lie - he's got a job, same as he would if he were single. Temp job at that. He's doing 0 for you.

The Maserati couldn't be more of a cliche. Make good use of the 300-mile gap all week to sort out what you want to do about him. You're the one in control, believe it or not.

I think the fact he is a alcholic twat and abusive are valid enough reasons to LTB if that's what you want.

Blimey what bloke doesn't understand the world of work means you need to do a bit more now and again?
Also why are you the one “supporting” the family. What’s been his role for 18 months.
Sorry Op. Not a keeper. The only way they learn is not to indulge them with their shit.

I am a locum nurse and work under his umberella company originally set up for his contracting. When he could not get a contract, i went locumming as it is better money to support us. Thats why i dont actually see the money . Sigh - i sound pathetic again . Someone said i have wasted ten years - but mumsnet has been my lifeline.

He will fuck up the new job

I bet my house on it

Ask your boss to pay your wages into your account. Tell DH it's because he's going to be away most of the time or it's a new company policy that the funds have to go to the person named.
He's a high functioning alcoholic who is talking about renting a Maserati. Don't leave him with control of the finances when he'll be too far away for you to reign his impulses in.

His salary also won't be taken into account for any mortgage if it is a one year contract.

Definitely get your wages redirected out of his business account straight away! He sounds incredibly controlling OP.

Functioning alcoholic or not, the new employers will sling him out on his ass if he is pissed on the job. I hope he is not driving your kids in the morning having got steaming drunk tonight.
If he wants a medal for getting a job he will be waiting a long time. Where is yours for supporting the household for the past eighteen months?!
Twat.

Thank you for the tips- all the money has to ho through the business account for the books- and billa have to be paid. I think i should ask for x amount each month out of that money so that everything gets paid (it all comes out my personal account) and then i can skim money here and there hopefully . Thats an idea that might work . I know he is scared deep down - but so am i ! Scared that he will fuck it up and we will be back to square one - i dint want me and anyfucker to be right

Anyone who carried out 'tests' on me and announced i'd passed or failed them would be out the door pronto. He'd find himself 'tested' on how quick he could pick all his clothes off the front lawn and fuck off.

with bells on

You aren't going to see any of the 'new' money. Take advantage of being away. You've supported everyone for 18 months. One big man/baby down will be a doddle and so much happier

U dont see - he is more than capable of this job . He has been like this forever - its his crap work ethic and self centredness that will trip him up as it has before . Eg calling in sick cos he cant be arse/ hanging etc forgetting that he NEEDS to be there . The job itself he is brilliant at. When he is there .

• of 'him' being away

I was in a similar position op. Except my dh lied about his wages. AFAIK we were still struggling with his job and me pt and childcare duties. Until I found out his true wage. He had decided his wage was his money.
Chucked him out the day I saw his bank statements 9 months down the line.
Don't accept any crap op.
You have been amazing.
And he has returned that with a big fucking slap in the face imo.

Sincerely -Thank you everyone xx i have to go to try to sleep now and not turn things over too much ..but i will be thinking . Thank you

Blimey whathappenedtooursummer - thats terrible ! What happened in the end ? X

No it doesn't have to go through HIS business account. You simply go self-employed, open yourself a business account and give your employer the new account details. These things might sound complicated but are very easy.

And he can fuck off and catch the next fuckoff train to fuckoffsville, change to the fuckoff bus to Fuckoffsomemore and end up in keepfuckingfuckingoffokthanksbyesandra town.

Yeah that's got to be bollocks about putting your wages through his ba

Hahaha that has made me snort laughing - thank you ! I will look into that xx

My business account costs me £6.50 per month - and barclays and lloyds bank do free business banking for the first 12-24 months. Self-assessment tax return isn't hard. And most importantly, your money will be in your control, not his - please get that sorted straight away, it's an absolutely bonkers and VERY vulnerable situation for you to be in.

Glad too make you laugh :)