to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

well, they certainly have got on your tits, melly.

Doesn't the whole giving of gifts bring out the worst in people

i think giving a child an oxfam gift is pants for the child.

if your a middle class hippie and you want to show all your friends you weave lentil Xmas trees and support charities and re-use carrier bags - then fine - grown up understand these things.

kids want prezzies and expecting a 3 yaer old to understand this concept is down right shit.

and they have kids - so they should know that a kid wants to open a pressie on her birthday.

the 3 year old really wasn't bothered though.

What does it matter?

I would like it for the story value alone.

melly has derived a lot of entertainment from this thread.

Money can't buy that.

I would have found this a pretentious act even if it was from someone i got on with really well - but let's face it, i am unlikely to get along with anyone who would do this for a little girl's 3rd b/day cos i don't agree with it.

We didnt keep the card cos there was nothing personal about it

I detest these charity pseudo gifts. If someone wants to give to charity that's great, but they shouldn't trumpet it from the rooftops. Giving should be anonymous. These so-called 'gifts' are not gifts at all, they're just a way of saying look how much I've given to this or that charity. Far better to not give a gift at all than to give one of these, imo. And as for giving one to a three-year-old, what did the giver hope to achieve by that?

Don't even get me started on "charity" holidays, you know the ones where you fancy a holiday walking the Great Wall of China or hiking the Inca Trail and can't afford to go, so get all your mates to pay for it by saying it's "for charity?" Sure, the charity gets some of the money extorted (sorry, raised) but minus the cost of the holidays.
Why can't people just give? Why does it always have to be dressed up in pretty packaging (charity fundraising dinners, sponsored walks etc etc etc)to make people donate?
Bit of a rant there, sorry!

'Giving should be anonymous'

why?

I think you mentioned earlier hatrick that your kids donation gift cards/pictures went in their memory boxes and would outlast the toys they get. Presumably thats cos they play with the toys, have great fun with them and then grow out of them. Wahay, isnt that what toys are for?

This is a tricky one. From my perspective it is not just about the "present." It is partially about imposing thier morals on someone elses child. A three year old is not old enough to understand about people in need, which makes me feel that the present was more about supporting the present givers favorite charity than giving the OP's little girl a present.

Well, I've always thought public giving to be a bit vulgar. Seems almost like showing off to me, as if the person's only giving the money (or whatever else they've given) in order to receieve admiration or recognition from others rather than just to give for the sake of giving. Perhaps I'm being too idealistic. Maybe altruism doesn't really exist any more. Maybe it never did.

I don't understand these sort of gifts, irrespective of the age of the recipient.

Give to charity by all means - as much as possible and as frequently as possibly. But do it quiety without fuss, and without "look at me, look at me - aren't I socially responsible" grand gestures

Giving should be anonymous coz then the poor gits who are trying do some good don't get shot down in flames for it.

Come on Melly, you still haven't told us all the gory details of why they are crap! You've got to now, we're all at the edge of our seats.

if they had sent a card it would have been a home made one, crafted by their ds, which my dd would have loved, she's had them before. that's more personal and thoughtful. let's just get this straight, she's not bothered.

I would have been peeved if they had ONLY sent a card though without some discussion about doing that for each others children.

This thread is about two lots of relatives who don't like each other and try to piss the others off.

It's not about charity giving or childrne's presents.

yes voluptua

Whatever happened to "But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what they right hand doeth" ???

I really find it despicable to advertise any charity you have done. Obviously, it is not the same to say "Oh yes, get me a llama for my birthday, wedding, funeral, etc." as what these unasked-for-gifts seem to say: "oh, I care so much about these people that you wouldn't disagree with me being caring, great, generous, lovely for using your birthday to teach YOU about more important things than your own persona.

I think if you want to colaborate to a cause, donate as much as you want, and shut your mouth. But giving a 3 year old such gift seems to me like an exercise of self indulgence or plain stupidity.

(but perhaps I'm somewhat sensitive to such actions, as I know a person who forced her 8-9 year old DDs to get all the money gifts they have got the day before for Christmas and marched them, all teary, to the local Oxfam to donate it for the Tsunami victims! Why she didn't donate her gifts instead of her DDs' money is something I'll never understand...)

hmmm, of all the despicable thiongs that can be done, giving openly to charity must surely be one of the most despicable

what sort of warped perspective is that

it is about charity giving for kids presents, if it was about an annoying relationship i'm sure i would have posted a thread about them before now.

It's actually about my dd, the fact she has just turned 3, and what i consider to be an inappropriate gift for her.

Mostly though, it's about dd, very important to me and i thought she was to her uncle and auntie.

surely a seething contempt for your children's close relatives is slightly worse?