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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

435 replies

MellyMum · 26/07/2007 16:00

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

OP posts:
pointydog · 26/07/2007 23:54

but you said your dd is not at all bothered

Leati · 26/07/2007 23:57

handlemecarefully

Appropriate times to give to a charity in someone names

  1. If they asked, "instead of buying me a gift make a donoation to ... charity"

  2. If someone dear passes on and had a favorite charity

I am sure there are other appropriate times to give a gift of charity but I don't think this is one of them.

Original poster
MellyMum · 26/07/2007 23:58

i don't think anyone has said it's despicable DOG, but you can give without trumpeting about it can't you, so why do it any other way?

If you are donating for the sake of the cause, why announce it -that must be for other reasons, what would they be?

OP posts:
Tortington · 26/07/2007 23:59

its a kids birthday - your a family member - bu the kid a fucking present she can open instead of being a lentil weaving hippie

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 27/07/2007 00:02

Exactly, the despicable thing is trumpeting about it, not giving to charity itself.

Original poster
MellyMum · 27/07/2007 00:02

yay custardo, a PRETENTIOUS lentil weaving hippie

OP posts:
pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:02

isabelwithrain said it was 'despicable'

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 27/07/2007 00:03

but not on the way that you read it!

Leati · 27/07/2007 00:04

The fact that she wasn't dissappointed, just goes to show what a good girl she is, not that it was right to give a gift that was meaningless to HER.

pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:04

that's what I said 'giving openly to charity

I said openly rather than trumpeting

I know what I'm saying

SOmetimes lentil weavers don't seem that bad

Original poster
MellyMum · 27/07/2007 00:04

Ah yes, and your answers to the other questions?

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 27/07/2007 00:05

Leati, I agree that those instances that you mention are quite fitting and appropriate

unlike this example

pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:05

RIGHT??

What has right got to do with it

SOmeone gave a bizarre present for a 3 year old. I don't think it's a moral issue

Original poster
MellyMum · 27/07/2007 00:07

but isabel didn't say it was despicable to give openly, she said it was despicable to announce it.

OP posts:
pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:09

when I said 'openly', I meant it as the opposite of 'anonymously'. I mean it as in giving publicly. I wasn't clear.

I don't think making a public show of donating is 'despicable'.

80sMum · 27/07/2007 00:10

Its not the giving that's objectionable (or despicable, as some have put it), it's the seeking of glory for it that leaves a nasty taste.

Why can't people just buy the goat, chicken or whatever they want and leave it at that. Why do they then give a card to someone announcing how much they've given?

They only do it because the charity tells them to! It's purely a marketing ploy on the charity's part to incentivise people to donate (and a very successful one, I've no doubt). Announcing a charitable donation as a 'gift' for someone other than the ultimate recipient is bizarre! But people have fallen for it in a big way.

pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:12

come on, seeking glory for giving a tenner.

No one's 'fallen for it'. SOme people just like the idea of it.

Really, what small-minded unpleasant thoughts on here

VoluptuaGoodshag · 27/07/2007 00:14

Maybe they are as despicable as made out and they got the gift because they knew how much it would piss Melly off (which is not nice if you are buying a kid's gift with the intention of annoying people).

But COME ON - you have to give us other examples of them being self-rightous. I'm desperate to go to bed but am still on here waiting.

Original poster
MellyMum · 27/07/2007 00:15

each to their own, how boring if everyone agreed on everything.

I get the impression tho' that your average punter can understand where i am coming from.

Those that can't would probably get along very well with the IL's!!

OP posts:
Leati · 27/07/2007 00:16

The moral issue is imposing your charitable beliefs on anothers child. For expample maybe the parents of child don't support the use of uniforms at all or maybe they think there are far more important charitable organizations that they would one day like to teach thier daughter about.

It is not acceptable present for a great deal of reason but the largest one is that a three year old cannot understand a gift such as this. It would be like buying my 18 month old an air conditioner for her birthday.

They were selfish in buying that gift. If they were truely generous they would have bought the uniform in thier name. Instead they tried killed to birds with one stone.

pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:17

Well I'll leave you with that happy thought then. That you are Right who most people afree with and I'm a Pretentious Wanker full of Shit.

pointydog · 27/07/2007 00:18

I'm tired, I'm going to bed but leati you are talking shite

Original poster
MellyMum · 27/07/2007 00:19

quite a serious person aren't we DOG?

OP posts:
Leati · 27/07/2007 00:20

pointydog,

Dont take it to heart. Some people just get over passionate.

Original poster
MellyMum · 27/07/2007 00:21

Leati, here's another opinion - you are not talking shit

OP posts: