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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New kitchen, annoyed house mate ...

162 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/06/2019 18:50

So basically I had a new kitchen fitted a few weeks ago, which managed to over run to whilst I was on holiday for 3 nights. My housemate was in for the last day of the kitchen management. We had already been 2 weeks without a kitchen and were coping with a fridge and microwave set up in the living room which was less than ideal. I could see she was getting irate at it all. The builders left the key in a safe place when they left which I told her about but not specifics (eg I said it was in the shed rather than in the shed under the paint can). It has slipped my mind to mention the specifics because I was driving , which I know I was being totally unreasonable for. I got an angry phone call whilst away demanding where the key is as she couldn't get in. I was very apologetic, told her and said I was sorry as she had been searching for it for 15 mins. Now she's been calling her sister, parents and partner saying how unreasonable I was, how she's sick of the kitchen etc. I told her to leave everything for me when I get back and she was a martyr and decided to unpack things into kitchen cupboards then moan about it. I have specifically said I would do this when home.
This is housemate is not paying rent and hasn't done since living here months ago (friend of a friend). Would I be unreasonable to tell her if she doesn't like living rent free in my house and moans to all and sundry about an error I made, she can sod off and get her own digs?

OP posts:
Dec2019mumtobe · 28/06/2019 06:17

"The sister is on a low salary and would only have £50 left over a month if she paid rent. She pays half for all bills and council tax."

Why is that your problem? ESPECIALLY as she wouldn't be out on the street! Presumably, she could stay with her parents or sister. Or get a better job 🤣

I think you need to send the following message:

"Sorry, I can't afford to keep supporting you. I'm going to need £250 pcm starting from the 1st August, or I'll have to think about getting a paying tenant in."

If she moans about the kitchen again, I'd make a sarcastic comment about refunding her rent for the month as your way of saying sorry for the inconvenience, and then pull some fresh air out of your pockets 😆😂

Yutes · 28/06/2019 06:40

The problem with saying you need a paying tenant is that she might take that as a suggestion for giving you money, and for her to come up with/set the figure. So I would go with dec2019’s suggestion.

I mean, YABU to give notice and ask her to move but YWBU to not make sure she could access where she was living while you were gone.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/06/2019 06:51

Yes, don't say you want rent, say you need a break.

Medievalist · 28/06/2019 07:12

In your shoes I'd just have to point out to her how unreasonable she is to complain when she's living rent free. And then say as she's clearly unhappy with the arrangements it's best she moves out. Then stop being such a doormat.

CaveMum · 28/06/2019 08:06

Please get rid of her! Why is any of this YOUR problem? If she’s not paying rent then you can’t have a contract with her so you are not obliged to give her any notice. I would tell her she has the weekend to move out and then call your best friend/her parents and tell them that they need to come and get her and her things by Sunday night or you’ll be calling the police.

You’ve been taken for an absolute ride OP, time to take back some control of your own life and home.

MoobaaMoobaa · 28/06/2019 09:11

In your shoes I'd just have to point out to her how unreasonable she is to complain when she's living rent free. And then say as she's clearly unhappy with the arrangements it's best she moves out

This^

I'd also add how hurt you are that she's bitched to all and sundry about you, when you have bent over backwards to help her.

In fact I'd also be intouch with the parents and sister to tell them how awful she has been, and that you feel she has taken you for a ride when you had allowed her to live rent free in your house.

Have no shame in guilt tripping CFs.

gubbsywubbsy · 28/06/2019 09:18

Tell her to sling her hook.. what a scrounger.. she should be super grateful not having a go at you .

thecatsthecats · 28/06/2019 09:20

Oooh, I love the idea of offering her a refund on this month's rent.

Eliza9919 · 28/06/2019 10:54

I remember a previous post of yours.

She works a minimum wage job so not much money left over for rent.

No one's problem but hers.

Tell her she's got a week to move out.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/06/2019 11:09

I'd really steer away from the 'no rent' point. She is in effect paying a small rent - the amount she pays for utility bills and council tax (if more than the extra quarter). If you had a normal lodger, you'd charge rent that covered utilities.

If the point is her slagging you off and you feeling taken advantage of (very reasonable) then it's a breakdown in the relationship / arrangement no longer working for you, that's the issue.

You'd risk her running to mum and dad for more money.

Ticklingcheese · 28/06/2019 11:24

Glad you are going to do something about the situation. For future try to think that you are NOT a social worker (unpaid) for anybody. You have been taken for a mug, atleast her parents should have paid you rent. You will probably fall out over this, these people feel entitled and when you don't serve their purposes, they think you are the unreasonable one.

You are too nice op, get your boundaries straight for future cfs. 😉

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 28/06/2019 11:29

"This arrangement is no longer working for me. You will have to vacate my house within the next 4 weeks."

Jeeeeesus she's a CF!

divegirl77 · 28/06/2019 11:33

What is the possibility the parents are subbing her rent (hence the massive martyr thing) under the misconceived conception she is actually paying rent?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/06/2019 11:37
  1. She should be paying rent.
  1. Does she not have her own key? Actually, no. That's probably a good thing. Tell her to find somewhere else to live.
WhyTho · 28/06/2019 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonnieScotts · 28/06/2019 19:18

'I'm really sorry but our living arrangement isn't working for me anymore, I'm going to have to ask you to find somewhere else to live. I'd like you out by '

Sounds like she's the type to kick off and bad mouth you though...good luck.

HollowTalk · 28/06/2019 22:56

I'm looking forward to hearing about this chat!

LittleMissUnreasonable · 29/06/2019 15:30

I'm heading back to my home tomorrow, I've been in hospital recovering from a pre planned procedure, so no update... although I got a text from her saying she is now on the waiting list for a full time better paid job she interviewed for the other week...talk about throwing a curve ball into things!

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 29/06/2019 16:23

It doesn't change things though. You still want and need her to move out. It's even better if she gets the job as she'll have no excuse to find alternative accommodation. Even if she offers to start paying you rent if/when she gets the job, make sure you stand your ground and say no, it wouldn't work. And give her an exact date to be out - not an open ended situation where she'll have an excuse every week as to why she can't move yet.

mbosnz · 29/06/2019 16:53

I'd be saying to her that I really hope she gets the job, but regardless of whether she does or not, this arrangement is no longer working for you, and it's coming to an end - she needs to be out by x date, with all her gear, and you wish her the best for the future. No further negotiations will be entered into. . .

Nemesia1264 · 29/06/2019 17:29

Her work arrangements are of no consequence to you OP, forget about the curveballs......not for you to worry about.

Bunnyfuller · 29/06/2019 17:34

She’s not your responsibility, hoof her out! She can learn to drive/get lifts from her well-off parents!

EL8888 · 29/06/2019 17:36

She needs to move out. She’s not paying for any of this (rent or new kitchen) and she needs to realise not everything revolves around her. People are so ungrateful and entitled!!!

IHateUncleJamie · 29/06/2019 20:34

It’s not a curveball. She can afford to pay rent now but isn’t. The upshot is she’s a moany whingebag and that won’t change if she’s paying rent - it’ll probably get worse if anything.

The upshot is, do you want to live with her or not? I wouldn’t so if you don’t, you need to give her notice.

sandragreen · 29/06/2019 20:37

What is wrong with you??

Tell her to fuck off!