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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New kitchen, annoyed house mate ...

162 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/06/2019 18:50

So basically I had a new kitchen fitted a few weeks ago, which managed to over run to whilst I was on holiday for 3 nights. My housemate was in for the last day of the kitchen management. We had already been 2 weeks without a kitchen and were coping with a fridge and microwave set up in the living room which was less than ideal. I could see she was getting irate at it all. The builders left the key in a safe place when they left which I told her about but not specifics (eg I said it was in the shed rather than in the shed under the paint can). It has slipped my mind to mention the specifics because I was driving , which I know I was being totally unreasonable for. I got an angry phone call whilst away demanding where the key is as she couldn't get in. I was very apologetic, told her and said I was sorry as she had been searching for it for 15 mins. Now she's been calling her sister, parents and partner saying how unreasonable I was, how she's sick of the kitchen etc. I told her to leave everything for me when I get back and she was a martyr and decided to unpack things into kitchen cupboards then moan about it. I have specifically said I would do this when home.
This is housemate is not paying rent and hasn't done since living here months ago (friend of a friend). Would I be unreasonable to tell her if she doesn't like living rent free in my house and moans to all and sundry about an error I made, she can sod off and get her own digs?

OP posts:
Gulsink · 27/06/2019 21:05

She works a minimum wage job so not much money left over for rent

Rent should be her first priority from her wages, as it is for most people.

The only people I'd let live rent free would be family and very close friends. Even that would only be short term.

QueSera · 27/06/2019 21:07

Why is someone living in your house rent-free?
And moaning?
Get her out! Now!

Original poster
LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/06/2019 21:07

I love the people of Mumsnet, makes me feel so much less unreasonable :)
To answer a few questions... She's been here 9 months now, she pays half for all bills and food, no rent payments though. Her room is worth about £250 a month so not exactly the earth. Her parents are absorbed in their children's luveys, and very much want them to be respected, settled young women, but don't often think of the other people lending a hand. She is 24 years old, best friend lives in a 'naice' tourist town with a spare room, but hasn't thought to offer to sister accomodation there

OP posts:
Rosemary46 · 27/06/2019 21:10

My DD has just had similar work done on her flat. She refunded the rent to her lodgers for the week that the kitchen was out of order.

I was just about to suggest this to you Op until I saw that your housemate is in fact NOT paying rent. So I join with everyone else in saying give her notice. In writing. Today.

mbosnz · 27/06/2019 21:10

Girl gets gone. Please. . . Smile

Nemesia1264 · 27/06/2019 21:11

9 months rent free!!!!
Can I come & live with you?

MollyButton · 27/06/2019 21:11

She needs to pay rent - if she truly can't afford it she needs to claim benefits or be subsidised by her parents - not a friend of her sister's.
The whole family sound very cheeky - and seem to be using you.

FaithInfinity · 27/06/2019 21:13

The arrangement we had for you to live here is no longer working, I need you to move out by x date. Do it: this has gone on long enough!

DaisyYellow · 27/06/2019 21:15

£250 over 9 months is £2250!

You haven’t thought to ask your best friend why she isn’t offering her sister a place to stay?

Your ‘housemate’ could go back to live with her parents, ask to move in with her sister, try for benefits to top up her wages, ask for a raise, or look for a better paying job. She seems to have a number options she could try. Perhaps you are enabling her?

number1wang · 27/06/2019 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BruceAndNosh · 27/06/2019 21:32

Tell Moaning Minnie that to make up for lack of kitchen you will be giving her a refund of last month's rent...

PutyourtoponTrevor · 27/06/2019 21:37

But why is she your problem?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/06/2019 21:38

Hmm, presumably she is bringing home about £1100 a month though? She could pay you rent out of that.

DD’s flatmate is a new grad in a very desirable creative job in a northern city. She earns just over £16k, pays £360 rent and half the bills, and they have a decent social life.

Bookworm4 · 27/06/2019 21:45

Tell the cuntylodger to fuck off, if her parents are so concerned let her live with them!

DaisyYellow · 27/06/2019 21:54

What are you going to do now OP?

I agree with TinklyLittleLaugh that she should be able to afford to give you something for rent. How much do half the utilities and council tax come to per month?

Original poster
LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/06/2019 21:57

As she works a zero hour contract the wage is more like £600 a month than £1100. But yeah I'm very tempted to tell her to get to fuck now. Her parents should take responsibility but they're pretty clueless themselves and are focussing on throwing money at best friend who is living the conventional 'settled' life. They're pretty useless to be fair Hmm

OP posts:
IHateUncleJamie · 27/06/2019 22:00

she pays half for all bills and food

Well, presuming she’s using half the electricity/gas/water/food then so she bloody should! That doesn’t mean she gets to live rent free though.

Honestly, thought I needed to work on my assertiveness until I joined MN - you’ve basically given her £250 a month for 9 months and she’s no relation! Unbelievable.

YANBU about the kitchen but YABVVU to be such a doormat. Give her 30 days notice ASAP.

DaisyYellow · 27/06/2019 22:01

My definition of settled does not involve frequent deposits from the bank of mum and dad.

Sounds like this setup could go on indefinitely if you don’t do something. Are you happy with that idea?

MairzyDoats · 27/06/2019 22:05

Have you thought about pointing out her CF-ery to her? She sounds like she could do with a wake up!

pinkyredrose · 27/06/2019 22:07

Why can't she claim housing benefit?

csa26 · 27/06/2019 22:09

I’ve had the good fortune to have lived rent-free three times in my life, thanks to extremely kind friends of my parents (once while doing an unpaid internship; twice while starting out self-employed).

I was a bit sheltered, pretty young & stupid, and ridiculously ignorant of normal bills and rent etc at the time (particularly as my parents always had accommodation provided by work, so I had no idea how much people generally spend on that). Still could not imagine EVER bitching about anything related to my living conditions!!! In one stay I cleaned and tidied the whole flat; in another I regularly tidied up the kitchen, and helped out in the garden as they’d fairly recently moved in. I saw that as a tiny tiny contribution towards the very big favour my hosts were doing me. I seriously can’t imagine getting pissed because I couldn’t find the key that was left for me, let alone having a new kitchen put in WHICH I WOULD BE BENEFITTING FROM.

I feel embarrassed now to be honest at not having realised at the time quite how generous these people were doing. Your freeloader is not going to get it until she’s paying her own bills I’m afraid (and if she never gets it because she finds someone else to live off, that’s really not your problem).

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/06/2019 22:16

If she’d been paying rent I would think you very unreasonable, but since she’s not I see this more as a sign that you’re sick of her in your house.

All she’s really done is moan about a situation that would not have been at all nice. Which is something lots of people do. She could be more grateful for the free rent, but it’s not like she’s been demanding you compensate her for the less than perfect accommodation or something. She put effort into sorting out the kitchen once it was finished even though you’d indicated she didn’t have to, so she might even realise she was being a bit of a brat.

I think you need to accept you don’t really want her living with you any more and make moves to change the situation without burning bridges.

Original poster
LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/06/2019 22:24

Yes if she had been paying rent she would most certainly have refunded for the inconvenience but as it stands there's nothing to refund on:)
So I am aware I need to ask her to leave, how do you recon I execute this without burning bridges with them all? Doesn't help the sisters parents think she's a massive martyr for putting up with this as well, rather than see her as a giant snowflake

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 27/06/2019 22:28

I think an honest; ‘I’m giving you 2 weeks notice due to you being a CF’ should suffice.

cstaff · 27/06/2019 22:32

Well that just proves that you have a whole family of CFs and if the parents in particular can't see what you are doing for their kid well they will soon enough when they will have to either put her up or pay for her new accommodation.

Good luck with this OP but you have definitely done your bit for these CFs.