To feel sorry for children always late for school

[Shootingstar1115]

I’m probably going to get slammed for this. I know parenting is hard and sometimes we all run a little late at times.

As a child I was always late for school. DM was absolutely terrible in the mornings. Wouldn’t get up early, we would never be given breakfast (usually biscuits or crisps in the car on the way). I hated walking in late every day. I never got used to it. Felt like all eyes were on me and the teachers would get annoyed. I wasn’t able to walk as the school was quite far away. I still very much like this now. It’s turned me into an extremely punctual person.

Every day after taking DS to school and DD over to the pre school I see the same parents walking towards the school by this point 15 minutes after it first started and they aren’t rushing either.

We live in a village where most people live no further than a 5 minute walk away from the school. It’s a small place and most people walk (other than the few who live in the surrounding areas).

I just feel sorry for the kids being ushered in so late in the morning. It’s the same parents every single day!! It reminds me of my childhood and now being late every day made me extremely anxious. Even at secondary school I’d be late every day. I didn’t live far enough away to get a bus in but it was too far to walk. I’d be sat in the car resdy waiting for DM to get in the car.

The school have sent home letters and everything about it.

Do some people just not give a crap??

Bold fail.

@FlyingElbows

All threads like this one do is highlight the utter inability some MN users have to imagine life circumstances different to their own. Formerbabe, your offering your tantrumming toddler as comparison to someone with serious social issues is quite frankly laughable. You judge away, because it is blindingly obvious that you are completely clueless about the issues facing some parents. Your attitude says way more about you than it does about anyone else.

Charming.

Did you miss my several posts where I mentioned I wasn't judging parents whose dc have special needs or medical problems? Or did you miss the part where I mentioned one of my own dc has special needs?

Special needs or medical issues aside, what are these social problems you are talking about? Would you excuse people with social problems not feeding their children, or keeping them clean? I wouldn't. It's basic parenting.

YANBU!

My children are always the late ones.

My eldest is very anxious, no specific special needs just hate crowds, panics and cries and if we are on time with everyone else, she has to be prised off me at the door in the hustle and bustle. She is also very aware and embarrassed bu this and doesn't want her friends to know.

We arrive 5 mins late every morning. I am the cheery waving parent to all the others going the other way. I am the parent who smile when remarks a made that I had a lie in (when actually we have been up since 6).

I don't care if you judge me, or pity my children. I'm not going to explain myself. I really shouldn't need to.
I get my children to school calm and ready to learn a few minutes later than all the others, rather than distressed and embarrassed with everyone else.

If everyone was just a little kinder, the world would be a much nicer place.

Yanbu. When I worked in schools I found that children hate being late. It makes them stand out.

@AintNobodyHereButUsChickens my mum was like this. I recall walking home in a thunderstorm and crying the whole way home. When I got home I sobbed 'why didn't you get me' and she claimed she had driven up but couldn't see me. Complete bullshit. I couldn't imagine doing that to my dc.

Social problems: poverty, poor housing, homelessness, illness in parents (a whole range) lack of support, lack of hope, lack of family, lack of transport, lack of friends..

You see what a lot of decent parents with genuine reasons don't get is that some parents are just fucking shit.

Formerbabe, your offering your tantrumming toddler as comparison to someone with serious social issues is quite frankly laughable.

Precisely. I had no difficulty managing my DDs when they were toddlers, though it was hard work physically. It's totally different from coping with a 10 year old who refuses to cooperate and instead throws things and lashes out.

it’s way too extreme to call it bad parenting. Everyone has different lives and we can all judge people for different things. I had a year of two different school drop offs and having to drive dh to a train station every morning with a one year old inevitably doing something in his nappy nearly every morning AS he sat into the car. I got a lot of judgy looks from the school and nobody offered help or asked if everything was okay as I fell apart. I chatted to a mother who I saw was late every morning at the school this year to see if she was ok and she said in the mornings she just couldn’t get it together. She looked in bits, really upset, every morning, where in the afternoons she was the well put together go getter that chatted to everyone and was involved in everything. Honestly, the holier than thou perfection on this thread is horrible

Pannanny the voice of reason

Social problems: poverty, poor housing, homelessness, illness in parents (a whole range) lack of support, lack of hope, lack of family, lack of transport, lack of friends

lack of hope do me a favour!

I have no family around to help me with the school run, I have no car, I'm often skint. I've been very ill and taken my dc to school because no one else can. I've lived over an hour away from school for a while, still got my dc to school.

To consistently be late taking your dc to school is neglectful.

I think we all have potential to be shit parents, given the right/wrong circumstances.

@Lizzie3869

Are you another poster who missed me mentioning one of my dc has special needs?

We have only been properly late twice in two years

So while I take your point about persistent lateness, sometimes we are late for perfectly good reasons. And I've no doubt that you would have all judged me as a terrible mother

You know fine well the OP is talking about the same parents who are frequently late. Not people who have been late twice.

I've never actually given this much thought but YANBU.

In my first year of secondary school there was one boy who was 20 mins late every morning without fail. He always said the same thing: traffic. At the time I'm sorry to say I joined in with the group eye roll "yeah yeah", as an 11 year old who saw it as me being yanked out of bed early while another kid always rocked up late and was never told off.

With the benefit of age I understand there could have been a dysfunctional or chaotic home life and he'd have had no control over it

• A one off..fine.

A regular occurrence...it's neglect

Is it neglect? I'm not sure I'd say neglect..,

I apologise, @formerbabe yes I did miss that.

But I used to judge parents who were late; right up to when my DDs were 7 and 4, I had no difficulties getting them to school on time. It's only in the last couple of years that my DD1 has made it this hard to achieve this.

YANBU. I've worked in a couple of schools and it is always the same people. I remember one little girl who would saunter in during morning assembly every single day. School started at 8.45 and assembly was at 9am, so she was over 15 mins late. By that time she'd already missed Morning register and the lunch register.

The Head got education welfare involved and the parents managed to get her in on time, for about a week, and then she started being late again. That just proved though that they could get her there on time if they really made an effort, but they just clearly didn't give a shit and felt their time was more important that ours.

Whoever said being late doesn't matter really hasn't got a fucking clue. Asside from the embarrassment it causes the child when they are late, at the current school I work in we start at 8.50 and immediately get on with things. Register, lunch register, times tables, spelling and run through the day. Younger children do phonics first thing.

Being on time is a life skill.

I agree with formerbabe- short of sn or a one off, I judge the parents of consistently late children, its lazy parenting. Get yourself together.
If a parent consistently fed their kids macdonalds because they were too busy to cook we'd all judge, I dont see the difference.

@Lizzie3869. Apology gratefully accepted and myself and many other posters have said throughout this thread that sn/medical problems are a different and understandable issue altogether.

YANBU.

I live a 7 minute (adult) walk from the school, we leave at 805 so we can dawdle, chat, take our time (gate opens 830). We are always there before the gate opens. It is the same people who are late every day as I see them on my walk back down for the station. They must leave the house, after the gate is open. I don't comprehend how you can do that EVERY DAY.

I'm sure there are some parents who are just shit (60,000 kids in care evidences this sadly), but it isn't for me to judge the parents coming into school late with their DC. Because I don't know whether their DC have SEN. You can't tell just by looking.

My sisters children are always late, either that or she doesn't bother taking them in. Last year DN attendance was 48%.

Teachers don't help. I remember being late at secondary school (actually unusal for me once I was responsible). U was covered in oil and holding the pedal to my bike. The teacher was really mad. Demanding to know why I was showing such disrespect to the restop of the class .
It isn't easy to be late as a child at school yanbu