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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let this go, or should I complain about son being 'hit' by a teacher

251 replies

narisha99 · 25/06/2019 19:56

So, DS10 was chatting in class today while watching a video (educational, relating to the subject) and was told off twice by the teacher for talking. Fair enough. The third time the teacher hit him on the head with a book!

DS says it was hard, ie more than a tap, but wasn't enough to cause any type of injury. DS wasn't hurt or upset at the time, but was a little embarrassed and did in fact stop talking.

Whilst I don't think the teacher should have done that, its nothing more than I would have done at home, so I am tempted to leave it.

But DH thinks it is totally inappropriate and we should be complaining to the head in the morning.

WWYD?

OP posts:
kateandme · 25/06/2019 22:47

DB who was closest to his teacher got this from him and it was actually a sign of how close they were.he really wanted my bro to do well but he could be a dick sometimes.this was one of the things he did to my bro sometimes. "oi come on (bro) knuckle down lad."
my bro wouldnt have told mum if he ever thought hed get reations there have been on here.so i think it also depends on the relationship the boys have

Greensleeves · 25/06/2019 22:48

Yes, I would raise it. It's neither appropriate nor necessary.

Of course your son shouldn't be disrupting teaching, but that doesn't give a teacher licence to behave inappropriately.

TillyTots1234 · 25/06/2019 22:57

The teacher shouldn’t have hit the three boys on the head. Why did it take her the third time to take action? I would be asking what her behaviour strategies are, at my son’s school if anyone is talking when they shouldn’t be, they are given one warning and if they continue are given a detention, after that they are sent to a room to complete their work for the rest of the lesson in isolation, this would have worked better for your son.
I would speak to your son about how it’s disrespectful to talk whilst the teacher is talking and he shouldn’t have to be reminded three times to be quiet, is it something he does often in the classroom?
I can understand teachers frustration because a few students talking, does disrupt the whole class.
Are you able to email her to discuss the matter?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/06/2019 23:08

"I doubt it was hard smack".
That's not the point is it, Nicky. corporal punishment is illegal for a start.

All of you saying. I'd leave it. Would you honestly (hand on the Holy Bible) accept this for your own child.

Op has said its fair enough that he was told off.

mysurveysays · 25/06/2019 23:39

Before you do anything I would check the teachers version of events as the idea if a teacher hitting a child on the head with a book seems highly unlikely to me

Hotterthanahotthing · 25/06/2019 23:47

You're ok with it,your DH is not.What is your DH doing about it or has it your role only to communicate with the school.

llangennith · 25/06/2019 23:51

Teachers are not supposed to hit pupils. Report it to the HT. However annoying kids may be, hitting kids is not allowed.

Snowy81 · 25/06/2019 23:59

If ds came home and said that happened to him, I’d hit him again with a book and tell him to bloody well listen in future.

(Disclaimer- I do not, nor have I ever hit my children, but a tap on the head with a book isn’t something to shout about)

kamelo · 26/06/2019 00:08

Maybe I'm old fashioned but some of the replies here just blow my mind. Common assault, weapon? When so many parents not only don't back teachers up but actually turn it round on the teacher as being in the wrong, on wonder they have such a hard job.

The last thing I would have done when disciplined at school is come home and told my mother. In her mind if I got punished I deserved it, including corporal punishment (yes I am that old) and to add insult to injury she would have added a punishment of her own. I just took any punishment on the chin (more literally hand) and hoped to god no one called home.

Broken11Girl · 26/06/2019 00:24

Are some people posting from 1959?
Corporal punishment is illegal. Not legal if the child didn't listen x times, not legal if the child was being really annoying, not legal if it was 'only' a light tap or 'a joke'. Hitting someone on the head with a book isn't something to mess around with, the teacher could easily misjudge and hit harder than intended causing injury.
It's concerning that anyone in a responsible position would resort to being physical so quickly.
Physical punishment isn't effective discipline. A good teacher would have dealt with the behaviour in another way as they would have many methods at their disposal.

LoveYourHome9 · 26/06/2019 00:33

Whilst I don’t disagree that your son should have stopped talking she asked (which I know you recognize and agree with) he is a 10 year old boy and that is what they do!!

In no way does that justify a teacher hitting 3 of them on the head with a book. Whether it was lightly, a tap or whatever, it still shows that the teacher lost their cool and lashed out. That is not setting an appropriate example or showing children how to resolve conflict in an appropriate way.

You could either explain to your son that the teacher was wrong to do this and whilst you don’t agree, you’re not going to take it further in this instance but you’d like to know if anything like this happens again. And to stop talking when asked. Obviously.

Or you could calmly bring this up either directly with the teacher or with the head, as in this happened, it’s not appropriate, no harm done but please control yourself. I have worked in many schools and this would not be tolerated. Teacher are, or should be trained, in positive behavior strategies. It’s never ok to hit or tap a child anyway, especially on their head.

IAmNotAWitch · 26/06/2019 00:37

Meh, I know plenty of people who could benefit from a smack in the back of the head.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/06/2019 00:46

I would be more unimpressed that my ds had to be told to shut up more than once.

Winterlife · 26/06/2019 00:57

I would leave it.

My mother is a retired teacher. When she taught third grade, a boy who was always difficult purposely injured another boy. My mother saw it, grabbed the perpetrator and swatted his rear end a couple of times.

She immediately phoned the parents and told them what had happened. As she was a good teacher, the parents just shrugged it off and said the kid must have done something bad.

Five years later, she taught the boy again. All his other teachers that year had problems with him, both his behaviour and his schoolwork. She never did, and he was performing well in her class. She used to joke he still remembered the spanking.

I suspect that teacher acted out of frustration. We’re all human. If you want to address it, meet with the teacher or write her/him a note.

Loulouuz · 26/06/2019 00:58

What I would do, is sit with DS for an overly serious chat and he needs to tell you exactly what happened because its about to become very serious and he will have to talk to the head with you etc - make sure he's not playing it up.

Then if he sticks with his story I'd go in and speak to the teacher concerned because that is completely unacceptable. Tell them you won't escalate this time but if you ever hear about such a thing occurring again they'll be in hot water because you'll be onto the board and head.

I'd be absolutely livid to be honest. There are outlined punishments, detentions, go outside, whatever they like. No where is "hit on the head with a book" written. Grrr

OkPedro · 26/06/2019 01:07

Yeah coz “spanking” and threats of hitting or spanking are the signs of great parenting and teaching. There is so much of “it did me no harm”
Why is it ok to tap or hit a child who isn’t listening but if you were at work in a meeting and a colleague wasn’t listening it wouldn’t be ok to tap or hit them? There are so many other ways to deal with disruptive children in class

Winterlife · 26/06/2019 01:15

It isn’t, Pedro. The point is, everyone is human.

Perhaps we should just suggest the teacher be burned at the stake.

OkPedro · 26/06/2019 01:21

Yes because me saying there are other ways to deal with disruptive behaviour means the teacher should be burnt at the stake 🙄 pps are suggesting a chat with the teacher to found out what actually happened. I have a 10 year old, I know they can be a pain in the arse and like the sound of their own voice

EmeraldShamrock · 26/06/2019 01:21

I would go the teacher directly get to the bottom of the story, I agree it is no okay to physically put your hand or book on someone.
I would also making a point of talking to DS about boundaries and respect, I would be livid with my DC too in this situation.
At 10 he should listen to the teacher, if he cant be quiet and continues to disrupt the class at 10, what will he be like in secondary school.
It ruins learning for the entire class, constant disruption and interruption is unfair on the others, If he was mine he would be grounded without tech for his part in it.

NotSoSorry · 26/06/2019 01:22

Do you hand on heart believe that a teacher has actually 'hit not one but three children with a hard textbook because they were whispering?

Honestly, I think your DS is exaggerating massively to divert and minimise his poor behaviour.

I would imagine it was a playful tap a 'get on with it now guys' kind of thing.

Winterlife · 26/06/2019 01:29

Well, not everyone is perfect like you, Pedro.

OkPedro · 26/06/2019 01:41

Eh yeah I’m perfect 🙄 winterlife you sound like a 10 year old now 🤣

WhyTho · 26/06/2019 01:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winterlife · 26/06/2019 01:57

All I’m saying Pedro, is that talking to the teacher with an open mind is better than escalating.

You’re very literal. You sound like you’d be a lot of fun.🙄

OkPedro · 26/06/2019 01:57

Uh oh whytho You’re in for it now 😆
My sons school report says he’s a good student blah blah but loves to chat. Teacher says I’ve witnessed him chatting to himself because the other students won’t talk back. He’s 7
Poor kid 😂