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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let this go, or should I complain about son being 'hit' by a teacher

251 replies

narisha99 · 25/06/2019 19:56

So, DS10 was chatting in class today while watching a video (educational, relating to the subject) and was told off twice by the teacher for talking. Fair enough. The third time the teacher hit him on the head with a book!

DS says it was hard, ie more than a tap, but wasn't enough to cause any type of injury. DS wasn't hurt or upset at the time, but was a little embarrassed and did in fact stop talking.

Whilst I don't think the teacher should have done that, its nothing more than I would have done at home, so I am tempted to leave it.

But DH thinks it is totally inappropriate and we should be complaining to the head in the morning.

WWYD?

OP posts:
chocolatemademefat · 26/06/2019 07:51

Report her and spoil her summer - not! I’m with the common sense posters - tell him to cut the chat and do as he’s asked the first time. My sons wouldn’t have come home and told me that because they always knew what my reaction would be - have more respect for people in authority.

trickyex · 26/06/2019 08:01

I agree with speaking to the teacher.
I also think some sanctions for your DS as his behaviour is disrespectful.

Tallgreenbottle · 26/06/2019 08:01

Sincerley doubt it was anything more than a 'tap' on the head with the book to get them to pay attention.

@Jemima232 violence? Really? Tapping a kid on the head is violence now? Enjoy raising children who can't cope with life.

JacquesHammer · 26/06/2019 08:16

Teacher was incredibly naive bordering on foolish.

Surely they are advised not to do anything which could lead to claims of inappropriate behaviour.

I wouldn’t complain but I question the teachers methods.

derxa · 26/06/2019 08:29

Suggest to your DS that you and he will go in together to talk to the teacher. I wonder what his reaction might be.
Teachers shouldn't hit pupils on the head with books.

Queenofthestress · 26/06/2019 08:30

@teddypasty I've had a boss tap me on the head with a clipboard because I was being a sarcastic git, does that count? 🤔

PaperBookBag · 26/06/2019 08:32

It was my DH that was making me wonder if I should consider some action, his concern was that the teacher had shown poor judgment and should be other methods of discpline- official warning, demerit, , stand outside the room. sent to head etc
So your DH would rather your son's education was disrupted even more. Standing outside the class rather than learning.
Also, I think the term "chatterbox" is usually code for "pain in the arse"

boobirdblue · 26/06/2019 08:35

Wtf is the matter with people? If you weren't listening to your boss during a presentation would you find it acceptable if she hit you on the head with a book? Adults, including teachers, should lead by example.

Oh yeah you'd definitely be talking during a presentation by your boss and be told three times to stop.... that's really going to happen isn't it?

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 26/06/2019 08:36

How the conversation would have gone in most rational households:

Child: A teacher smacked me on the head with a book today.
Parent: Really? What did you do to deserve that?
Child: I was talking in class and got told to be quiet twice and still carried on talking so she came over and tapped me and my mates on the head with our text books.
Parent: well you should have shut up the first time you were told or better still don’t talk when the teacher is teaching!

Mxyzptlk · 26/06/2019 08:43

I'm of an age when teachers might well give a pupil a jolly hard 'playful' whack on the head and the pupil would never think of mentioning it at home.

Nowadays, tho, I don't think a teacher should be doing that whether it was hard or not.

Toffeecakes · 26/06/2019 08:59

The responses on here! OP, to be blunt, your DH is being an arsehole - he’s encouraging you to cause a problem for the teacher. Your son was tapped on the head with a book, he’s already said it didn’t hurt. There’s nothing to pursue! If he’d been launched over the head with it then fair enough, but it was a tap (the book was hard back, if the teacher had hit with it then it would have hurt). You’ve already started something with this by messaging the other parents.

Some parents find problems with everything,

NationalAnthem · 26/06/2019 09:11

I would speak to someone at the school about this. I wouldn't be happy with the teacher hitting my child - except in self defence, which this clearly wasn't! Of course the child should not be chatting and should have stopped but the teacher should not have hit him with a book. Can't believe how many people think this is ok.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/06/2019 09:12

I doubt she whacked them, but she very well may lose get job for hitting them with their book.
Okay it was wrong, It is not worth her losing her career, it is the end of year, how has teacher been throughout the year.
I am a firm believer what goes around comes around, this day will come for DS.
What lesson do you want him to take from this?
Speak to the teacher directly first.

NauseousMum · 26/06/2019 09:18

Deal with the 2 things separately. Ask for the teachers view on what happened. Kids, even a group, are very capable if exaggerating especially when they fucked up misbehaving first. It could well have been teacher feigned hitting them with a piece of paper or s/he could have lost her temper and hit. Once you know, you can go from there.

The second is your ds misbehaving in class. You need to back the school up that he's a pita and disruptive when he does it and make it clear he will be punished (xbox removing or whatever) if it continues.

Poloshot · 26/06/2019 09:18

Perhaps it will help him to focus and do as he's told next time

IrmaFayLear · 26/06/2019 09:22

I know an ex-teacher who was dealing with a "spirited" child who was refusing to line up. So she put her hands on his shoulders and simulated a train choo-chooing into line. The next thing she was hauled into the head's office with the child's parents there and found herself being accused of assault. In spite of the other children bearing witness she was suspended pending official enquiry! She had had a long career and was absolutely crushed by this experience. She said she had never, ever used corporal punishment and to end her career on this note was terrible.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 26/06/2019 12:37

I don't understand why the op is involved. Her dh is the one who wants to take it further so she should tell him she doesn't agree and then let him deal with it. I bet you, apart from an irate email, he cba.

Nesssie · 26/06/2019 12:47

Yes he deserved it but teachers really should know that nowadays you cannot touch a student, let alone hit them with a book - however gently/playful.
Times have changed and teachers have had careers ruined for a lot less. Teacher should have known better.

WellErrr · 26/06/2019 12:51

DS says it was hard, ie more than a tap, but wasn't enough to cause any type of injury. DS wasn't hurt or upset at the time, but was a little embarrassed and did in fact stop talking.

Well it did the trick then, didn’t it?

I’d be having words with your son about being respectful and doing as he’s told first time next time.

WellErrr · 26/06/2019 12:52

This thread is a prime example of why kids are such naughty little fuckers these days though.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 26/06/2019 13:05

Some parents here are real arseholes. God knows what your kids are like. Every teacher's nightmare I imagine.

Woody68 · 26/06/2019 13:15

Stop picking at tiny holes in the teacher's conduct, and concentrate onthe yawning chasm in your son's (and in your parenting)

EatenByDinosaurs · 26/06/2019 13:53

Any teacher who can't teach without resorting to splat the rat with kids isn't cut out to be a teacher.

I'm an ex-teacher, I've never done anything of the sort nor would I ever. If a teacher is struggling to keep control of a class they should be working on their teaching skills, or asking for help and mentoring.
No shame in that at all, isn't the message that learning and lifelong improvement for all crucially important? Learning doesn't stop when you become a teacher.

Yes teaching is a hard job, but so are many other jobs and this wouldn't, and shouldn't be acceptable there either.
Some people just aren't cut out to be teachers, yes we all get frustrated but like anything its how you handle it.

Much the same as why I train our horses and not DH, my patience doesn't run out and I don't end up hiding in the barn instead, despite the buggers trying their best!

If it were me, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the head to find out what happened and what the teacher is going to be doing to work on their skills so that it doesn't happen again. I would ask the the teacher apologises to DS and explains why what they did was wrong, and that DS also apologises to the teacher and explains how he's going to change his behaviour. This could be a brilliant opportunity for learning on all sides if you handle it correctly.

I would also make sure DS has thoroughly reviewed his behaviour, seen the wrong in it and is committed to making changes.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/06/2019 14:50

@narisha99 Any update, did you speak with the teacher today.

QueenBeee · 26/06/2019 18:46

I would also make sure DS has thoroughly reviewed his behaviour, seen the wrong in it and is committed to making changes.

Hmmm, very glib.

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