AIBU to let this go, or should I complain about son being 'hit' by a teacher

[narisha99]

So, DS10 was chatting in class today while watching a video (educational, relating to the subject) and was told off twice by the teacher for talking. Fair enough. The third time the teacher hit him on the head with a book!

DS says it was hard, ie more than a tap, but wasn't enough to cause any type of injury. DS wasn't hurt or upset at the time, but was a little embarrassed and did in fact stop talking.

Whilst I don't think the teacher should have done that, its nothing more than I would have done at home, so I am tempted to leave it.

But DH thinks it is totally inappropriate and we should be complaining to the head in the morning.

WWYD?

was told off twice by the teacher for talking

but wasn't enough to cause any type of injury

DS wasn't hurt or upset at the time

did in fact stop talking

She used a non-verbal signal to interrupt the poor behaviour without conflict, and it worked.

But DH thinks it is totally inappropriate and we should be complaining to the head in the morning.

LTB.

I would speak to the teacher and understand their position. However, I would not be ok with this. Regardless of the asking them 3 times detail.

Sounds like it was a jokey thing. I think it is unwise. As a teacher I wouldn't do this because it is so easy to be misinterpreted as a 'hit'. It is up to you. I wouldn't react because I would interpret it as a light-hearted way of telling the boys to be quiet. I suppose you need to think about whether you are genuinely concerned that the teacher is doling out corporal punishment or not.

Gosh you are a tough crowd!

At no point have I defended my sons behavior, I fully accept he shouldn't have been chatting. Though to clarify it was 3 of them whispering at the back - not shouting out - so not quite disrupting the whole class of 30.

As I said in my OP, I was inclined to let it go and have indeed spoken to DS about not doing as he was told.

It was my DH that was making me wonder if I should consider some action, his concern was that the teacher had shown poor judgment and should be other methods of discpline- official warning, demerit, , stand outside the room. sent to head etc

@Stressedout10 well then you wouldn't have had the problem then would you? OPS DS ignored three times, FFS!

Complete works of Shakespeare or a skinny paperback ? that made me laugh 😂😂

It was my DH that was making me wonder if I should consider some action, his concern was that the teacher had shown poor judgment and should be other methods of discpline- official warning, demerit, , stand outside the room. sent to head etc

How long has he been a teacher?

Your son was in the wrong for talking, not just once or twice, but three times.

However the teacher shouldn't be tapping anyone. I'm sure that's not following behaviour policy.

I'd be talking to the teacher and asking them what happened, and see what they said... And OP, do you believe your DS? Is he generally truthful?

In the 70s and 80s we had to dodge the teacher throwing chalk board rubbers in primary, so a tap on the head isn't necessarily going to hurt, but that kind of misses the point. These days, the no contact rule is there so it can't be misconstrued - it's there to protect staff as well as pupils.

Though to clarify it was 3 of them whispering at the back - not shouting out - so not quite disrupting the whole class of 30.
That IS disruption.
Whispering when they shouldn't.
Teacher has to interrupt the lesson multiple times to deal with the behaviour.
It is textbook disruption.

You've said you agree he shouldn't have misbehaved, but at the same time this reply minimises it. Hours of learning are wasted every week because of students who think they don't need to follow simple instructions like 'don't talk'.

Of course you should complain. Teachers aren't allowed to hit children. It doesn't matter of he was talking ot not.

The teacher should have sat him elsewhere or got him to leave the class.

I work in HR and we've suspended and disciplined staff for such things. This constitutes gross misconduct.

Saying it's a hard enough job, is no excuse to be physical with a child... what exactly does that teach them? That if someone doesn't do as their told it's okay to hit them..and if a child came into school saying their parent hit them on the head with a book, some questions would be asked and possibly a safeguarding alert raised. I know...because I've also suspended an employee, (pending an investigation) who hit his child and she told the teacher. It goes both ways.

Actions have consequences...his teacher will have to face the consequences for their behavior.

@boobirdblue
That still doesn't mean that the teacher can hit them.
Send them to the head, give them detention or punishment exercises.
There are many reasonable alternatives to violence.

It's never ok for a teacher to lay hands on a child let alone use a weapon....This teacher should not be allowed around children

You’re that parent aren’t you...the one who thinks their child can do no wrong —but they are actually a complete little shit— and as soon as the teacher calls them out on it you’re marching in to school to complain about the teacher.

@narisha99 you didn't condone, but described him as a chatterbox when he's bored? If the teacher bores him maybe get him to step out and sit in the corridor and see how boring that is? Stop him doing his activities and see how boring that is.

You never said. You were appalled that he had to be told THREE tones, you excused his behaviour because he's "bored".

My god who'd be a bloody teacher?

If your DO is concerned tell him to go deal with it and he can listen to how disruptive his son is that in just one lesson he caused all this.

Huge over- reaction! I've been teaching 25 years and I playfully tap students now and again if they're not listening- do we hear this, a playful tap, to pupils who I have a good relationship with who are being silly. I teach age 12-18 and the other day playfully tapped a 16 year old lad with his own small paperback- he laughed, apologised and we carried on. Pupils respond to humour and light-heartedness ( other examples are saying ' Stop chatting up your desk partner' ' Happy new haircut' or laughing about past class jokes/ situations whilst knowing who likes a bit of banter and who wouldn't/ be embarrassed).

I care hugely about every one of them as do all teachers ( that's why we do it) so stop bloody over-reacting fuelled on by ridiculous PP.

And to the PP who said no teacher should ever touch a child, can you suggest what I do when a 13 year old girl arrives sobbing about a home situ/ friend fall out and asks for a hug? Of course I hug her and then together we look at how to sort it/ who to contact. Or when I'm called to a 6 foot lad who's fainted ( first aider) - do I leave him? Jesus!

I work in HR and we've suspended and disciplined staff for such things.

You've suspended someone for tapping someone else with a book in a clearly humorous way?

@wildbhoysmama you sound fab!

I would be more concerned that your son can not follow simple instructions and refrain from talking.

Maybe next time he will listen the first time he is told to stop talking.

There was a thread on here in the last few days where a poster's mil hit her gd for climbing on a chair and the majority on here agreed it was unacceptable.
So why can teachers be allowed to get away with it? Perhaps we can start thumping our work colleagues around the head when they piss us off.
Tempting, but somehow I don't think it would wash.

@boobirdblue

You seem overinvested and needlessly confrontational. The OP hasn't excused her son's behaviour at all and acknowledged that he can be a 'chatterbox'. Not sure what more you want.

I saw this kind of thing happen plenty of times with students who wouldn't shut up when I was at school. It was always taken in a jokey way and was never hard. Obviously I wasn't there however I'd be very surprised if it was anything harder than a tap.

Your DH is overreacting and so is everyone else who is calling it assault.

So why can teachers be allowed to get away with it?

That's smacking- to cause pain (as it happens with the mum there for something the child is allowed to do). It's not tapping someone with a book.

Personally I’d talk to the teacher. I’m pretty sure it would just have been a playful tap. But you can sound it out. Assuming the teacher’s shock, I’d explain what your ds said as not all parents are as understanding as you.

The teacher actually made a stupid move, which could land them in hot water with over zealous parents. It would be helpful to feed the comments back to them to avoid future misunderstanding.

I think the teacher was unwise because of a colleague’s experience. I am a secondary school teacher. This colleague was gently chiding a child about something and telling the child that she wasn’t really in trouble and that she (the teacher) wasn’t an ogre and the student didn’t need to worry. At this point she gently tapped the student with a single piece of paper while speaking to her affectionately.
The next morning she was called into the Head’s office as the parent has complained that she had ‘hit’ her daughter.
So a friendly email may not be a bad idea, direct to the teacher as she may not have considered how it could be perceived.
Unfortunately teachers do have to be aware that some parents are ridiculous (I don’t mean you OP).