I've upset ExHs GF

[WanderYonder]

TL:DR I bought a card for my ex on behalf of our son and it's upset ex's Gf.

Been separated for 3 years, divorce being finalised any day now. He lives with his GF nearly 2 hours away, DC stays with them every other weekend.

In Sainsbury's a couple of weekends ago with DC (7) and he spotted a blank card with a picture on the front that was a play on his dad's name. Hard to explain, but it wouldn't be amusing to anyone not called by Ex's name (and wasn't that funny anyway but, being 7, to DC it was hilarious).

DC asked to get it for his dad, so we did; and he wrote a little message inside and drew a picture. Ex came to collect last Friday for the weekend and DC gave him the card, all giggly. Ex did appropriate laughy reaction, said thank you, told him he'd keep it by his bed with a picture DC had drawn for him recently. Thought no more of it.

This afternoon I've had an email from Ex, which is unusual because usually we communicate via text. Very formal, and says that he would appreciate it if I refrained from purchasing any more cards for him in the future because his GF "finds it a bit inappropriate". I immediately replied and said I hadn't got him anything; the card was from his son. Got back: "Yes but we agreed a couple of years ago that GF would purchase all gifts and cards on DCs behalf for Father's Day, birthdays etc. so I think GF felt that this wasn't quite sticking to that arrangement".

I feel completely 'Wtaf' about this but I'm in a baaaad mood today anyway and I have a habit of instinctively reacting to things and then calming down and realising I might have misread the situation. So, in the spirit of trying to rein myself in just in case this is one of those times, please tell me if iabu? I'd particularly like to hear from anyone who is with someone else's ex. I've never been in that situation and I don't know, maybe this was wrong somehow?! And if I'm not BU to feel about this, what do I respond with?

Have nc'd because I'd rather this wasn't linked with my usual name.

Start the suggestions now every time you see an expensive item on the tv, oh that's a nice Rolex I bet you'd love to get that for daddy on his birthday! Oh daddy would look lovely in a lime green jumper with stripes, you should make sure you find one for him! Etc etc.

I could understand if it was a valentine or saucy bday card from you but this was from his child a lovely gesture with you fostering a healthy relationship with his dad what if he does a fathers day card at school or random letter etc is it to be binned !?!

Dad should be glad you are encouraging this
Hope gf gets dumped soon the utter loon

I would reply with a ‘yikes - are you/is she for real?!’

Gf is insecure and fucking bonkers.

Absolute bellends the pair of them. But kudos to you, you're raising a thoughtful and humorous boy. I totally get why this leaves you feeling off no matter how unreasonable they've been about it but really OP, kick back and relax and forget all about it x

Gf is a jealous insecure twat. I am the girlfriend of an exH and admittedly suffer from greeneyed monster at times. But I would never ever think it was my place to intervene on anything to do with the kids. What a cow.

I think I'd reply "Dc saw the card and wanted to get it for you. Are you saying I should have upset ds in order to save your gf's feelings? That doesn't seem right to me. I can assure you I will never suggest buying anything for you to ds but he is getting to an age where he wants to choose things for you."

To be fair to the gf she has good reason to be insecure as she presumably knows she's hitched her wagon to a cheating twat.

Tell her to get to fuck your son buy what you like. If she doesn’t like it she can lump it.

I wouldn't reply btw. Just carry on doing right by your son.

Your child wanted to buy the card, you facilitated that. Is your ex actually suggesting that you tell your child that you're not allowed to do that?!! That's so hurtful and confusing to your child.
I'd suggest that his girlfriend learns a way to deal with her issues, rather than giving an innocent child issues.

Lol. Yes, it did sound like you were calling DS an ungrateful little twat, but kids are, so it didn’t seem odd.

I’m sure he’s just like you though and lovely!

I can see how she’s ended up doing the present buying and frankly it’s no bad thing on the whole as long as DS gets to help choose the presents BUT FHAT DIESNT mean DS can’t buy his Dad something without her permission! Stupid bitch. And so what if you happen to facilitate it

Though I do now feel compelled to check that it wasn’t a picture of a splendidly formed naked man saying something daft like ‘He’s almost as fit as you’ was it?

I MAY HAVE upset an Ex’s very new gf many years ago the twat should have told me he was seeing someone who would open his mail...he only had himself to blame!

Only because, every so often, she will like a really old photo. Clearly scrolling right through my past. But in general, no you cant tell.

Well. Thank fuck for that.

I wouldn’t actually mind, I stand by my perusing and am not ashamed of it, because I was only viewing social media information put out publicly by an old OW fuck off, Charlotte, but... it’s not something I want to be known for, as my amazing MiL once said about drinking sherry.

OP, have you had any reply from himself with the spine and balls in Heaven?

She was showing she was a bit nuts when asking for the original agreement that she buys everything to be honest 😂 ignore them, I wouldn't bother replying any further than you have.

I think it's fine that you don't buy Bday, Christmas otr Father's Day cards/presents as there is someone who does it.

How nasty are they though for not helping your son get you something?

She's nuts. The end

What a prick

The fact that the GF is losing the plot over something so small and inoffensive as a card makes me wonder if their relationship isn’t all sweetness and roses

Pure speculation of course...

I'm a stepmother and I take the kids along with the two I have with their DF to choose a gift for their dad for birthdays, fathers days and so on but not really through choice.

My DSC's have different mothers and one of them just suddenly decided to stop buying gifts on her kids behalf one Father's Day (I was pregnant at the time so this may be why) without any word to me or her DC.
Roll on to Father's Day and DSC won't come through in the morning as he's upset he doesn't have a gift for dad so there was a mad dash to the shops that morning to fix it and I've just taken them both ever since even though the other DSC's mother always sends a gift as my DH always sends one to both of his exes, but can't be treating them differently.

She is being unreasonable... No other option!

@Sparadrap Quite

He has replied! Back to texting now. "Thank you for your email. It was a really nice gesture we'd just appreciate it if that sort of thing was left to GF to organise in future" then some bla about their cat he wants me to tell DC.

I'm not responding tonight. If I do respond. So tempted to invoice them for the cost of the card but I am really trying hard not to react emotionally especially because wine then regret it.

Thanks again to all of you for replying.

Their CAT?!

Maybe she's holding him hostage and it's a coded distress call?

How old is she, exactly? It is such immature behaviour. Your ex is a weak little man for even bringing it up.

What a pair of pricks they are!

His GF can tell them all about the cat when she next sees them.

Either your lives do have some cross over (which would be normal) or they don't.