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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be worried about this? Accidental glass of wine at 11 weeks...

102 replies

Mmmgoats · 25/06/2019 10:48

I wasn’t that worried about this but my friend has made me panic a bit.
Was at a family bbq at the weekend and I’d taken some non alcoholic wine that I hadn’t tried before. My cousin went and poured me a small glass and we were chatting, I drank some of mine and commented how good it was, probably drank about half a small wine while eating.
I couldn’t stomach the rest (been feeling sick a lot) so left it but then my cousin realised that she had mixed them up and given me the proper wine and she had had the non alcoholic wine (when she got herself another glass from the correct bottle and realised it tasted different)
At the time I didn’t think it would be a problem as t was only half a small glass, although not ideal but I told my friend and she was horrified and said 11 weeks is the worst time to drink because of all the development that’s going on.
Obviously I know a lots going on but she wouldn’t let it drop and keeps talking about FAS and the fact that my baby’s organs could be affected. It’s not something I would have chosen to do, but now I’m really anxious and upset and although I haven’t been on for a while, thought I’d get an overview here.
I know it’s done now, nothing I can do so my previous view was no point worrying about it, but since talking to my friend I feel terrible and so guilty Incase anything goes wrong :(

OP posts:

CustardySergeant · 25/06/2019 16:30

"I wouldn't be surprised of she is making up about mixing the wines up."

Again, the OP's cousin got the wines mixed up, NOT the friend.

Ineedhelptocope · 25/06/2019 16:33

Bloody hell... I was necking double vodkas at 10 weeks with twins..... had no idea I was pregnant. They survived intact

madcatladyforever · 25/06/2019 16:36

YABU people have been drinking wine while pregnant for possibly thousands of years, it isn't poison.
I got horrendously pissed a few times before I discovered I was pregnant and my son is fine. I was 21 at the time, accidentally pregnant and living the party life.
It would take an awful lot more than 1 small glass.

Sugarhouse · 25/06/2019 16:44

Your friend sounds horrible. Honestly it won’t affect baby at all and you have no reason to feel guilty and I’m saying this as someone who won’t touch a drop while pregnant. One glass would do no harm your friend sounds like a bit of a cow trying to make you feel guilty and worried over this.

JellyBaby666 · 25/06/2019 16:46

What an unkind friend. What can you do about it now? FAS does happen and we should pretend there aren't dangers to drinking in pregnancy, especially to drunkness or to excess. HOWEVER, half a small glass of wine is unlikely to have pickled your baby.

JellyBaby666 · 25/06/2019 16:47

Shouldn't

longwayoff · 25/06/2019 16:48

Oh you poor thing, please don't worry. I'm of the ancient generation which was recommended a pint of Guinness a day 'for the baby's health'. Drank a fair amount of the horrible stuff in both pregnancies, both turned out healthy children who have become healthy adults. Everything will be fine. Find another friend, she's mean.

ToastyFingers · 25/06/2019 17:33

When I was pregnant with my eldest, a mere 6 years ago, advice was 1-2 units of alcohol, one or twice a week was fine.

If your fearmongering fend was correct, the rate of children aged 5+ would be astronomical.

You'll be fine, try to relax and don't let arseholes spoil your pregnancy. Xx

Original poster

Mmmgoats · 25/06/2019 17:48

Thank you all so much. I’ve been trying so hard not to be anxious after our second trimester loss last time and had been doing ok until she piped up.
I’ve found out today from another friend that she’s been telling them I’ve been drinking during pregnancy 🙄 (it happened weekend before last) so that’s the final straw. Going to have some choice words and cut ties at least for a bit.

Your responses have made me feel so much better. I know AIBU gets a rep for being harsh but this thread has been a god send which I was about to get myself in a real panic

OP posts:

headinhands · 25/06/2019 18:08

There's something off with her. I can't be sure but I don't think she's actually a friend. Do you have other examples of her wanting you to worry/making you worry?

fairislecable · 25/06/2019 18:12

I didn’t find out I was pregnant (with twins) until 16 weeks.

I had been to barbecues and visits for dinner where alcohol was definitely taken the babies were fine.

Such a small amount will not affect anything.

Wholikestoparday · 25/06/2019 18:27

Did you know only a third of alcoholics have babies with FAS. So two thirds of those that drink excessively throughout pregnancy have healthy babies. Puts things in perspective.

Ps I drank 2 bottles of wine and a cocktail before I found out I was pregnant. I worried all the way through. She’s now 5 and top of class

Snowy81 · 25/06/2019 19:09

What a bitch she is!! Many of us were drunk on many occasions before finding out we were pregnant and are ok. You don’t get FAS from a glass, that is from sustained drinking. Don’t worry you’ll be fine! And congratulations. 😊

Jadey29 · 25/06/2019 19:35

I didn't discover I was pregnant until I was 25 weeks, I wasn't a regular drinker but it'd been Christmas and my 21st birthday not long before I found out so there were several heavy nights out involved. My child is fine!! I was worried too and I obviously am not advising you go out on the lash but one small glass of wine is not going to hurt your child, your friend needs to back the hell off!!

Original poster

Mmmgoats · 25/06/2019 21:48

So glad I posted, I feel much more chilled now.

@headinhands yeah she has done some not great stuff before. I actually had another thread about her ages ago because she feigned surprise that I’d left my Christmas lights up for a few extra days longer than you should “what with your luck” a couple of months after our 20 week loss. I should have got rid at the time but she made out like it was concern.
I’m sure there were other incidents but I’m not going to delve too deeply now and wind myself up, I think this most recent incident is enough to make me want to draw a line under it.

OP posts:

Raspberrytruffle · 25/06/2019 22:08

Oh OP it should be fine as a one off, if you have any concerns or to put your mind at ease speak to a doctor or midwife. I'm sure theres plenty of mums that have accidentally drank alcohol without knowing they are pregnant but have went on to have healthy babies

Densol999 · 25/06/2019 22:10

Your stress and worrying will do far more damage than a tiny glass of wine ! Honestly some women are maniacs over pregnancy

Densol999 · 25/06/2019 22:12

So I meant to say ignore that worry wart and enjoy your pregnancy x

Lalliella · 25/06/2019 22:16

Oops I think I’ve voted wrongly! I voted YANBU meaning YANBU to have a glass of wine, when I think the answer should’ve been YABU to be worried. It won’t do any harm. When I was pregnant the advice was no more than one or two units once or twice a week. It’s only recently that they’ve said no alcohol, and probably only to cover their own backs not for any medical reason. Your friend is an insensitive, judgemental arse.

Trebla · 25/06/2019 22:17

I (uncharacteristically) drank nearly half a bottle of gin at 4 and half weeks and 6 glasses of processco at 6 and a half weeks. Found out I was preganant at 8 and a half weeks. I also had a glass of wine at 39 weeks and 5 days. Baby is fine.

I did worry as I dont really drink and went on holiday and then an awards ceremony and drank more in those 2 weeks than I had done is 6 years! The research is unclear but strong anecdotal evidence dictates that many woman drink accidentally prior to knowing and some a small amount throughout with no adverse effects. Half a glass will be fine.

LadyRannaldini · 25/06/2019 22:23

About 5 weeks before No 1 was due I was at a Mess drinks party and asked the Steward for a glass of water with a slice of lemon. Part way through the party I picked my drink up from a table and drank it. It was almost neat gin, something I can't stand, a different Steward had been doing the rounds with the g and t jug and hadn't realised it was my glass. I started to cough and choke and could have given birth on the spot.

MyInnerAlto · 25/06/2019 22:46

In case a bit of anecdata reassures you, I had a small glass of wine on two consecutive nights when I was 11 weeks (away for my birthday with a friend I rarely see due to geography). Dd is nearly 4, healthy, robust and very articulate.

For the rest, what pretty much everyone else said. I don't much like the sound of your 'friend'.

mindutopia · 25/06/2019 22:56

Absolutely fine. I had an accidental 3 bottles of prosecco before I found out I was pregnant with my youngest (not in one day obviously!).

I also had about 3 totally non-accidental glasses of wine when I was pregnant with both of them. You don’t get FAS being perfectly healthy and well and having a glass of wine. Your baby will be fine.

Sewrainbow · 26/06/2019 07:52

It won't hurt don't worry. I understand during my first pregnancy I drank loads of tonic water, no gin in it, I just liked the taste then no read something about to much quinine damaging babies, I forget exactly what it was 10 years ago! But my point is my baby was and is absolutely fine but I can remember the feeling of panic you had, it'll be ok try and forget and move on x

Rainbowknickers · 26/06/2019 09:01

I didn’t know I was pregnant until the Monday-had him on the Saturday-I must have had at least 3 drinks in that time (don’t really drink) and scoffed soft cheeses by the handful
I also went on rollercoasters at least 20 of them in the 9 months (which I wouldn’t have gone near if I’d known)
He’s a strapping 19 year old now and I swear he’s fine
Your baby will be just fine you’d have to be drinking bottles of wine every night to end up with any problems (but do have a word with your midwife to put your mind at ease)

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