To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

Yes, we go on holidays not sure what that has to do with your unwillingness to do anything to improve your own situation though.

My fiance can't take holiday in August so I'd have to go on my own with a mentally poorly young man!

Slightly different - we can afford a holiday. Probably a quite nice one. But DH is anxious about everything and the thought of a holiday puts even more pressure on his anxiety (that he will not entertain medicating for even though I’m positive he could just Blink at a doctor and get medication it’s that bad). It’s particularly bad at the moment because work stress is making the anxiety worse, and because he works in an affluent industry we both (although mostly him) get asked a lot “where are you going on your holidays this year”. I know it’s a bit “boo hoo poor is” but it really holds him back and I’d love to do more than a couple of days visiting the in laws. Even planning a couple of days camping really locally is stressing him out massively 😢

What about October, Christmas or next Easter? Something to look forward to

@aPengTing Because you possibly don't struggle financially so can afford to?

He catastrophises so yes, he does believe his dad re the plane.

So is he having any kind of therapy to help him change his thinking about this? I’m thinking CBT which is great for irrational thoughts.

Would probably be best to stop comparing yourself to others and try and improve your own circumstances.

We can't afford this but I've found a text on son's mobile saying dad is paying for an appt. Ex will try again to return to court no doubt, it will be about the tenth time!

You can get free online CBT:

www.iesohealth.com/en-gb

@Pomegranatepompom Hence why fiancé and I both work ft and looks like I'll be trying to find a second job...

Could you go camping? You just need a tent and a few items of equipment. It is very cheap if you stay at a site with not many amenities. You could hire bikes and go off for days when kids are with ex.

God, I hate threads like this where the OP just wants to have a little moan and everyone comes on with their million suggestions about how to improve things or saying it's her choice.

Life isn't always that simple. I have depression so only work part time, more than that and I have zero energy for the kids/housework or worse, I get suicidal. I would love to retrain to get a higher paying job but it's just not possible at the moment.

Yes the OP could do tutoring or whatever, but it's not always that simple.

OP it sounds as if you have a huge amount of spare time. You don’t have the marking teachers have, so once you leave work you’re finished for the day, and presumably you don’t have to plan lessons in your own time. You have long holidays, and half of the time you don’t have kids to look after.

Whilst I sympathise that you are on a low income, it seems you have ample opportunity for some extra money making, if holidays are important to you.

You actually don’t want a holiday do you? You just want to wallow in self pity.

Ideally we'd like a family holiday but will have to be October now 😊 Will look into camping.

"I’m thinking CBT which is great for irrational thoughts."

And how is she going to access this therapy? she has no money, NHS waiting lists are huge, with an option of six sessions which often is only the beginning and no choice of therapist so if you get someone useless you have wasted your chance.

Can't a woman have a little moan about her life without a million suggestions? I'm sure she knows how to improve her life, but it's not always possible at every stage in life.

Life isn't always that simple. I have depression so only work part time, more than that and I have zero energy for the kids/housework or worse, I get suicidal. I would love to retrain to get a higher paying job but it's just not possible at the moment.

That’s sad to hear, but the OP hasn’t said she’s suicidal or has depression, so it’s not really relevant here. She’s just pissed off her ex is wealthy and she can’t afford the holiday she’d like.

She’s had lots of suggestions but really just wants a rant. Which is fine, but frustrating for people who are making helpful suggestions.

When my children were small I tutored one evening a week and one afternoon and evening at weekends and also half term but that was to save for deposit for house. We can easily afford holidays now but when kids were small we could not. I used to take kids to my Mums for a week every summer and dh used to stay home and work. Now my dd has small children and she struggles to afford a holiday but she goes camping with two small children.

@aPengTing With respect, you didn't answer the question. I feel that sometimes people pass comment but in reality have never really known how it is to struggle finanically, that's all.

Hey OP.

Most years I'm lucky enought to just about afford a week in the sun, but some years I've not been able to, so I completely understand your frustration, upset and envy.

I've actually a friend who so far since January has been to a 5-star Mexican holiday for 2 weeks, then a couple of weeks later a week in Las Vegas, a long weekend in Europe on a city break and 2 weeks sailing in the Med! I'm chuffed for her, but insanely Jealous!

Couple of things I can recommend to you that I've done to afford a holiday.

You can book as far ahead as 18-24 months. Depending on travel agent and destination. We booked a week in Menorca 10 months in advance. With Thomas Cook, paid a small deposit and paid the rest in interest free installments by direct debit, payments went out on my pay day. If you can wait longer for a holiday, the monthly payments will be less.

Another thing I've done lots is look on Skyscanner. There's an option to put your departure airport and in destination you type "anywhere". See where comes out the cheapest. The price drives the destination quite frankly!

I then explore flight times and play about with different departure airports to see what prices are. If you select a month instead of a date, you can view which days are cheapest to fly.

Then I use Booking.com, Trivago and Airbnb to find a place to stay. Booking.com has the option to pay on arrival and Airbnb the option to pay a deposit and the rest of balance just before.

This year, we didn't think we'd be able to afford a holiday. But at the weekend, for me and DP, I found Portugal flights on Skyscanner for £20 each way and then Airbnb private room and bathroom in a shared villa (with pool) for just over £200, great reviews and next to a bustling resort.

We are only going for 5 nights, as 7 nights pushed the flight prices right up, but we figure it's a week if work with the real chance of sun.

If you want me to help you find something, or give any advice. PM me.

Hope you get a break.

And how is she going to access this therapy? she has no money, NHS waiting lists are huge, with an option of six sessions which often is only the beginning and no choice of therapist so if you get someone useless you have wasted your chance.

Did you not see my link to the free online CBT service?

Though with a diagnosis of anxiety and OCD, it’s surprising her DS hasn’t been offered this on the NHS.

It seems always the way when your children are small and you desperately need a holiday you can't afford it but when the kids get older so no childcare you become more affluent.

Edit You type "everywhere" in Skyscanner not "anywhere".

OP, it is hard. But when i was a kid, before cheap flights were available, we hardly went on holiday either. School holidays were just that - we stayed at home from school. Occasionally we went to Dorset at Easter (it was bloody freezing) and once, memorably, to Yorkshire because my father's colleague lent him their house. That was about it until I was in my teens. I didn't suffer. I enjoyed my school holidays. And when I was older, I could go on trips myself and do it independently, which I loved.
I know it's harder nowadays, when a lot of people seem to spend all their spare income on a massive holiday every year. But you've decided to be there for your kids, and that's a much more important choice to have made than a trip to Fancy Hotel With Pool once a year.