To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

What sort of lifestyle did you have when you were with him?

@aPengTing What do you do as a job? Is it well paid? 😊

Am I the only one who thinks holidays are rather overrated?

Why can’t you go abroad?

Your defeatest attitude is very frustrating. Draw a line under your last relationship and look to the future. You have a low income, but with two earners, your not doing too badly compared with many others! £900 for rental seems expensive though.

@Ginger1982 He has always been well-off but abusive. I remember on more than one ocassion he took away my purse and only left me to drink water from the tap because I had no money.

My ex has told them they'll die if they go on a plane so eldest now has fear of flying.

I think the focus should be on what you can do to earn more money not on what your ex earns. You have the power to increase your earnings, but not to control what your ex contributes. Honestly, give tutoring a go - it’s straightforward enough and pays very well or do something proactive - there are options out there.

Would you consider a part-time teaching role, working from home teaching online?

I was sent this by a friend today:

teachparttime.com

This company is recruiting teachers based in UK. But if you do a search there are loads of online part-time teaching/tutor roles

I don’t think finding a better paid job is easy, but I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say you could do tutoring or something at weekends/evenings/school hols when you don’t have your children. I have done through agencies and privately and it supplemented my income nicely when I was moving from being a TA to teacher (and studying hence broke)

You could talk to your DC about flying and that their dad isn't correct.
You seem very defeatist. You've been given loads of great suggestions.

I have but he is 12 and suffers from extreme anxiety. Probably my fault according to their dad.

Its shit OP, a lot of my colleagues are off to sun themselves this summer abroad. DH and I are off to in-laws for a few days.

We can't really afford abroad either, we went on holiday abroad 5x times during our DD's lives (they are adults), two of which occurred prior to the recession are other three were paid by family for family events. We are still supporting DD2 in university so are still skint.

We went camping when the kids were ayoung and had some good times and despite what some say the weather was actually good. But its still not the same as being able to lie on a beach in Spain. And as the kids became teens they were less inclined to go camping so the only holiday we got was staying at PIL or my parents.

Fwiw DH and earn ok (but below the average income), DD2 is dyslexic so we paid for private tutoring over the years, high mortgage and DD1 so celiac so often food was more expensive due to substitutes etc. I guess we could save some money that we spent on dc sport, however that isn't really fair on them.

www.real-family-holidays.org

Have a look with this company. Great value and a lovely holiday for kids.

Am I well paid? No! I earn 25k working 7-3pm.

£35 per person per night, all inclusive with planned activities.

The other issue is fiance can't take any time off in August!

I’m a SEN teacher, my TAs get paid so little it’s disgusting for the job they do. I do a bit more planning and do the actual teaching part but get paid an awful lot more. I work part time too, 3 days a week although I’m going to do another day this year so I can take the DCs to Disney.

@aPengTing Do you go on holidays?

My ex has told them they'll die if they go on a plane so eldest now has fear of flying.

Is this the 12-year-old? Does he believe he will actually die if he goes on a plane? How does he make sense of the millions of people who travel on planes and don’t die? Does he have additional needs that mean his understanding of the world is limited?

@bigredvase i’ve booked with real family holidays this time. Really looking forward to it. I saw it on groupon

I would say that specialist SEN babysitting when your kids are with their dad or when they’re with him during holidays would pay very well. Speaking from experience, parents of children with SEN cant just book a normal babysitter, and are desperate for breaks. I’d look into that with your experience.

The rest of it though, you’re being defeatist, bitter, and totally missing the point. Revenge on your ex is irrelevant. Saying you think the children should live with him because he earns more is ridiculous. What is your actual take home lay every month and what are your outgoings? What does your partner bring home and contribute? How old are the children? This is all anonymous, so tell us. I’m sure between everyone on here we can help you with a plan for a holiday. Even if it’s in the U.K. or get the ferry over to France.

Goodness me, I started off feeling really sorry for you OP but you've been given so much good advice on here to only whinge about your ex. My advice is

1. think about saving a little each week into a holiday fund

2 earn extra money by either changing jobs or taking on another one (SEN teachers have much smaller classes and less pressure to meet national targets)

1. stop obsessing about ex and his money
2. take no notice of what ex says about going abroad
3. give your children valuable lessons about life, especially that it's not all about money!

Sorry to be so hard, I wish you well OP, I really do, but liven up!

@FamilyOfAliens He suffers with extreme anxiety and OCD. He is currently finding it hard to even do simple tasks such as getting dressed. He catastrophises so yes, he does believe his dad re the plane.

The other issue is fiance can't take any time off in August!

Well I'd say that's the bigger issue if you're tied to school holidays (assuming you're not in Scotland).

I thought I recognised your name actually op and in March you said you had substantial savings. Surely you could use a small amount of them to go on holiday?

Just a thought OP but have you considered organising lessons/groups for home Ed kids at a local community centre as a second income? You're experienced with SEN and teaching, there are many home educated children who were off-rolled by schools for different needs or behavioural issues. Given your high rent I assume you're in a quite populated area so demand could prove very high.

There are many ex-teachers doing this up and down the country. I've got one near me that charges over £100 per child for 6 sessions on one topic. So assuming 10 kids show, she's making £1k (less materials) for 12 hours work over 6 weeks. She's very popular, always booked up and we're as rural as it gets, I imagine in a bigger area you could make a good living that way, still doing what you love.