To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

When are you going to Rome animaginativeusername? Are the children over 4?

Are you going to respond to the queries about your previous posts stating you have significant savings??

Ella, my dc were the same. Terrified of their dad and saying anything that would get back to him. That's what professionals are for. You don't just give up and stop trying.

I haven't been on holiday in four years or so so I agree. Some people act as if holidays are necessities rather than luxuries, or behave as if you must be going on holiday if you're taking annual leave. They're incredulous when I say I'm just taking a break... at home

If "SM is for ex-wives" as someone has suggested then how come I don't get any?!!

It isn't awarded automatically on divorce. If you had been able to show that you were unable to support yourself after divorce, you might have been awarded some. It would likely have stopped when you marry your fiance.

Were you still in your £25/hr job when you divorced?

You sound unhappy

It's your choice to work in a job that pays 13k

Stop spending so much time & effort thinking about your ex

Make time to make improvements & enjoy your current life

It’s just life unfortunately. Some people are
More fortunate than others.

The "affording holidays" concept is an interesting one.

When I lived with my ex he earned a good wage and yet we hardly ever afforded a holiday. We had one in the space of a few years.

I have been with DP for 4 years now. In that time we have been on 5 holidays abroad. And we actually have a smaller household income that used to be brought in when I was with my ex. My income has stayed pretty static throughout - I work for a charity doing a job I enjoy for a pretty low wage.

The difference is our outlook. DP is pretty obsessed with holidays DD ( age 20, who lives at home) has joined in him in this and together that spend a lot of time looking up and planning family holidays for us. (I leave that part to them - I just enjoy the going on them part!) They are package deals, booked through high street travel agents (may not be everyone's cup on tea - have seen these types of holidays dissed quite a lot on Mumsnet - but we love them) and we book them a year in advance and spend the year paying them off, as if they are another household bill. To us, they are. DD contributes - she works and pays her part.

At home, we have everything we need and enough to eat but we do not live in any kind of luxury (I know that it as relative term) or go out very much and there are many other things we could be spending our money on re the home and garden or on nice clothes. We do none of that. It's just "stuff" - we prefer to focus on having an nice holiday to look forward to and making memories.

In the past 4 years we have been to Turkey twice, Egypt and Ibiza. We are off to Turkey again (we love it) in September.

We budget carefully and don't buy any of them on credit. We don't have a credit card amongst us.

@baconsandwichandanegg It's not about giving up, I just don't know if I've got the strength to battle again. It makes me so unwell it's scary for my family to witness. I think he's taken me to court about 10 times now. He pays top lawyers and I have to self-represent which again means facing a threatening bully on my own in court. He lies so much and is so incredibly manipulative that he is believed. Just last night he sent me nasty texts telling me what a horrendous parent I am plus a "Ha ha you two will never be able to afford a mortgages" comment. It never ends and it never will.

@BadLad No, still £10 ph when divorced. No SM as he lied about his savings and income.

We're not marrying! Not until we can justify cost of a wedding.

I booked our first holiday for 3years, last August. I'm paying £20 a week into a savings account and it is now 8 weeks until we go. The balance is just under £400 for a week in a caravan in North Wales. Not the Ritz but near enough to a beach for the kids to enjoy it and it's a break. I will use the normal weekly shopping money for eating out as I don't cook on holiday (it's my holiday too).
That's the only way I can afford a holiday as a lone parent and a student. Next holiday will probably be the year after next when I'll have been working a year.

Ella keep a copy of all those texts. It gives you concrete proof that he is being abusive.

Also if you have concrete evidence he lied about his financial situation during the divorce proceedings that is potentially very serious.

Why don’t you just drop him a text and ask if he’ll pay for your holiday? Because that’s what all this woe is me is about.

Think OP is being judged a bit harshly. Her DP works in social care and she's a TA.. those are both important but underpaid professions and it's a damn good job some of us are prepared to do them regardless of the poor wages because it's society's most vulnerable people they are catering for! That's your kids and your sick/disabled/elderly loved ones.

She's allowed to hanker after a holiday.

OP.. things change as time moves on. I watched "everyone else" jet off on holiday for years, never going further than my own back yard, but these days, as described below, things are different. DP and are are on pretty low wages (yep, social care) but the kids are grown and we are able to budget better including for holidays . Hang in there

In May you posted that you were camping... so you have had a break you just didn't like it.
You don't want to go abroad because your ds is scared of flying and have a different woe is me for any other suggestion.

If what you really want is for your ex to fund you that's a different thread entirely and whatever your ex has done he has 50/50 care of the children and that probably isn't going to change. You've had a lot of very good suggestions on this thread so far but you don't seem interested in doing anything for yourself.

OMG - you are the poster that didn't have fish and chips with everyone else at tea time because you weren't hungry and was then moaning later that there was nothing to eat but biscuits in your tent.

Right, OP, you need to start taking responsibility for your life, and not moaning about what it is not, and not comparing it with your ex's.

You say you escaped abuse - well you are free, but not if you constantly imprison yourself in reasons to be miserable.

From your camping thread your current DP doesn't sound the most empathetic.

You really do sound solution averse. I wouldn't expect anyone to take on many extra jobs etc to scrape together enough for a hol, but you refuse to take a job in a private school? At some stage you need to make a compromises or shut up and put up.

Why didn't you say you had already given camping a go?

I was just about to say we go camping and it is only £10 a night in an honesty box, the Dc really love it and it is a real break.

@Sissy79, me and my children are going 2-9 August this year. Those as children are 6 and 16, plus me, 18 and 19 year old as adults

Thing is, many of us are in a similar situation as you OP without the benefit of the significant savings / weekly childcare you have from your ex. Maybe that helps get things in perspective for you.

Your pathological obsession with your ex is a bit creepy, tbh. You really need to move on.

In your situation, I think I would take the advice of one of the previous posters and get some babysitting work during school holidays, when kids are with their dad. If you take everything you earn from babysitting straight into a holiday fund, you should be able to save a few hundred pounds fairly quickly.

Also tutoring is lucrative. I did tutoring for a while and the going rate (even years ago) was very least £25 per hour, and I was just a graduate with no teaching experience.

I'm not someone who thinks you should go back to teaching if that was bad for you! But the advantage of what you're currently doing is that you have time off during the holidays - with a bit of lateral thinking you could make enough for a holiday fairly easily with your background.

Wait..so you have significant savings and you’ve had a camping holiday? Wtf you complaining about then?

For some reason she never acknowledges those posts apengting 🤷🏼‍♀️