To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

@SecretsInSpitalfield Didn't have an affair, he abused me. Not physically though hence the shared care.

@Owlsintowels Thank you for understanding and so sorry for your loss. The way I was treated for a decade and then losing my little boys half if the time as "punishment" for finding the courage to stand up to him has had a mental impact more damaging than most understand. I continue to be punished in many ways-financially as well.

On a positive note you have more free time to yourself if he helps with the kids

So you definitely shouldn’t suggest your ex has full custody.
How are you being abused financially now- aren’t your finances separate as you have 50/50 custody?

Holidays needn’t be expensive. We were proper skint when I was young, holidayed every year in the U.K., stayed at some brilliant campsites and loved every minute of it. A holiday is what you make it.

Are you envious of other things people with money do, or just holidays?

Nice to see yet another thread being rude about people who have money.

Ella, to be fair, you don't work exceptionally hard. You have chosen an easier job in lieu of that. Which is a valid choice, but isn't well paid.

I go on groupon or sun saver holidays, I don’t pay more than £100 for them including extras and because it’s self catering food doesn’t cost more.
We also have lots of good days out with a bit of planning these are free as well apart from getting there. Have you looked at free activities run in libraries and local museums in the holidays near home? ( our local libraries are now volunteer run). You really do have to think outside the box when you’re skint!

OP, what has changed since you posted this in March?

I have considerable savings from my divorce as ex had to buy me out of marital 5 bed exec home. Savings have not been touched, we have been managing on one salary for 4 months so far.

@AnAC12UCOinanOCG

I can’t believe the insinuation that an ex should pay maintenance when he has the kids 50:50. Spousal maintenance is for ex wives. CMS for children.

Op- first of all apologies if I sounded very direct I really didn’t mean to!

So sorry about this! The bastard abused you and now gets 50 percent custody .. so not fair! Did you get half assets ? (That’s obviously applying to if there was s house etc)

Op life can be so unfair. I’m in a very similar situation to yourself.

Actually thinking about it I’m surprised people can go on a holiday abroad with their children.

When we take DSD away for a week in school hols it costs around £4k (before spending money). That’s just a bog standard all inclusive resort that would be about £1200 any other time of the year. We have a good household income but we both think it’s far too much, but it’s just how much it seems to cost. I’m not surprised people don’t have that money laying around. Now I’m going back to work PT having had a baby I dare say we won’t have that kind of money for a long time.

I think there are a lot of unkind comments here. I also think the point is being missed and I do think the IP is entitled to feeling fed up of her situation given her history and current circumstances.

My impression, OP, is that after leaving your ex due to an abusive relationship, he is rewarded 50:50 custody of your sons and it sounds as if the mental abuse goes on in your ex's household. If your sons are also unhappy because of the toxic relationship between their father and his girlfriend it sounds as if that relationship could be abusive too. Your eldest son us suffering MH conditions because of his relationship with his father who sounds a nasty piece of work by increasing the child's anxiety. Do not consider giving your ex more time with your sons just because he earns more. Believe me a kind living home is preferable to a toxic household no matter how much money is bandied about.. I wish you could get some free legal advice, I'm not sure your ex's home is the best place for your boys to spend half their lives.

*OK not IP

Predictive text again!!*OP

I also think the point is being missed and I do think the IP is entitled to feeling fed up of her situation given her history and current circumstances.

Maybe so. But for several years now we have missed having a summer holiday because DD was either in hospital or recovering from surgery. In all those times I was fed up with the situation, it never occurred to me to be envious of those not in hospital.

*MonkeyTrap,

When we take DSD away for a week in school hols it costs around £4k (before spending money). That’s just a bog standard all inclusive resort that would be about £1200 any other time of the year.*

And that’s exactly my point about what happens if you go on the Thomas cook website and just book a holiday there. My DP is a teacher so we can only go in school holidays. We still have had 5 this year. Holidays aren’t just AI resorts (even if that’s what you want there are lots of ways of having that holiday without paying £4K) and laying on the beach. There are different ways of holidaying that don’t cost that much. You just have to look for it.

We had two weeks in Cyprus for £2k last year. This year we had 5 nights in Disneyland for £1k including dining plan and travel. Family of 5. It can be done, if we’d bought that an agent it’d be beyond anything we could afford.

This thread is deeply frustrating. I too posted positive suggestions upthread, which were more or less ignored.

The OP is clearly in a negative place and I hope she can find her way out of it.

When I was skint I booked a caravan months in advance to get the early bird discount . I chose dates early or late in the year when it is cheaper ( when Easter falls in March for example) and chose the cheapest grade caravan. I also saved Tesco points for days and meals out .

*Sissy79 Wed 26-Jun-19 09:52:12
*MonkeyTrap,

When we take DSD away for a week in school hols it costs around £4k (before spending money). That’s just a bog standard all inclusive resort that would be about £1200 any other time of the year.*

And that’s exactly my point about what happens if you go on the Thomas cook website and just book a holiday there. My DP is a teacher so we can only go in school holidays. We still have had 5 this year. Holidays aren’t just AI resorts (even if that’s what you want there are lots of ways of having that holiday without paying £4K) and laying on the beach. There are different ways of holidaying that don’t cost that much. You just have to look for it.

We had two weeks in Cyprus for £2k last year. This year we had 5 nights in Disneyland for £1k including dining plan and travel. Family of 5. It can be done, if we’d bought that an agent it’d be beyond anything we could afford.*

Exactly this. You go to a big chain and go AI in the summer hols expect to be ripped off. We went to the Italian dolomites/Verona last week of August last year. flights, accommodation, activities, eating out, food, car hire. All in for 3 of us £950.

I'd stop worrying about holidays and save my money to take the ex back to court and get custody. Your son may not want to tell anyone what's going on, but that's what psychologists and counsellors are for. They have techniques and methods for talking to children in non confrontational and gentle ways.

*baconsandwichandanegg

I'd stop worrying about holidays and save my money to take the ex back to court and get custody. Your son may not want to tell anyone what's going on, but that's what psychologists and counsellors are for. They have techniques and methods for talking to children in non confrontational and gentle ways.*

This^^

@whothedaddy
@Sissy79

Please tell me how? This is genuine. We shop around online, we don’t use an agent. We’re pretty restricted as we go when DSD’s mum is holidaying herself so we’re at her mercy for dates (and it’s a big enough battle asking her to please not have a fortnight away in term time, as we have to shuffle annual leave because we don’t live close enough to school).

• Book the day tickets become available
• Search for codes, sign up for newsletters and alerts as often they have codes
• Check the school holidays of the country you are going to
• Book flights and accom separately (always get insurance, I pay £6 for the year)
• Buy a guide book for cheap eats and travel
• Is the train cheaper? Driving? Plane? Go for the cheapest
• Sun holidays

Hoseasons Camp sites YHA or similar

• With Disney you can choose to have the early booker discount or the free dining plan so I worked out exactly what we were likely to eat while away and picked which one was more cost effective
• Eurocamp, they are on sun hols too
• Center parcs aren’t just in the U.K. either
• Airbnb shared accom rooms if you can’t afford a whole place, because sometimes people list separate garden chalet accom as shared accom

There’s loads of other ways too, probably that others do that I don’t

Booked holiday through Thomas cook 7 nights, to Rome for 3 adults and two children - flights, hotel, insurance, luggage, seats, airport/shuttle - all that came under £2400. I thought that was a very good deal. Only possible by saving for past two years.

If "SM is for ex-wives" as someone has suggested then how come I don't get any?!!

Kids won't speak out as he's scared them like he did to me.