To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

I do prioritise holidays over many things inc. home improvements, I drive an old banger, don't spend anything on my hair/beauty apart from basic shampoo and foundation. Don't go clothes shopping.

But I love love holidays and will spend hours researching and looking at the best buys. We've been to Italy, Spain, Turkey, Greece and Majorca, but the kids best ever holiday was a Haven site with extended family (the caravans and site were immaculate) and it was £140 for a weekend in March, that one got a 9/10 from them

Why does everyone expect to have everything ASAP? People who can afford holidays have probably worked harder, made sacrifices, made unpopular career choices and have as a result got a job that pays more. It's not unfair it's just fact. If you want more out of life you have a choice and you can make it happen.

@daffodilbrain Wealthy people work harder than the less well-off do you mean? Bit of a huge generalisation if so!!!

Fair enough OP, I do feel for you, I work alongside SEND teachers. And you probably live in a more difficult place financially than I do here in the north. I have always had the kids full time, ex never been in a good place mentally to have them overnight in the last 10 years! We all have tricky circumstances to navigate whatever our incomes so I wish you well. PS camping, borrowed caravans and trips to the seaside have always proved popular with my two!

@daffodilbrain The laziest people I know are also the wealthiest!! Bank of Mum and Dad/husband/wife/inheritance etc...

@Hernameislola Aw thanks. SEN work is very challenging but awesome at the same time. I'd like to think I'm making a difference at least 😊

It's not a question of who works the hardest or who's lazy (by your own summation all poorer people are more hardworking than richer people and all rich people are lazy!) it's a question of life choices if you want to go on holiday find a way of getting a higher paid job or go on a holiday that costs less (eg camping) cut your cloth accordingly.

I think we all feel envious of what others have. We can afford a holiday but we have a severely autistic adult son. We have no one to leave him with and it would be impossible to take him with us so we don’t go.

We can’t do anything as a couple either. 3 nights out in 17 years. I get annoyed all the time when people go on about how they haven’t been out in months!

You will be. And you're right, many people work exceptionally hard in traditionally low paid jobs. Before education I worked alongside cancer nurses caring for terminally ill children. Some had to use food banks!

@daffodilbrain I didn't say all (I don't know everybody!) It's OK for more financially fortunate people to say "cut your cloth" etc but that still doesn't mean because we are less well off we shouldn't think it unfair we can't afford just a little summer holiday! Fair enough if neither of us worked but we both do, incredibly hard, and in very challenging jobs that make a real difference to people's lives. Happens to be the pay is crap!

You can get a sun holiday fri-mon caravan for less than £100 including passes, linen and service charges.

Definitely sounds like the ex earning loads is making this difficult for you as the difference in lifestyle is obvious, even though you and your dp work hard in stressful jobs!

But, maybe there's a different way to look at holidays? Are you focusing on the idea of a holiday in a hotel or similar?

I think of myself as having had lots of holidays when I was small, but looking back they were pretty much all camping and self-catering, with the occasional caravan holiday.

Driving to france/getting the ferry/coach then camping would actually be very cheap, as your only cost would be the fare (cheap), pitch cost (cheap) and food (which you'd have to do anyway). This is how we did it when I was small, if my parents had worried about paying for a hotel etc we would not have had holidays either.

Something worth considering.

P.s. the caravan holidays I had are some of my best memories! Kids activities at Haven are amazing

Definitely not a hotel holiday-I've never stayed in a hotel with the kids for more than a night (wouldn't fancy it, even if we had the money!) Just a basic self-catering although anywhere we go we have to pay for kennelling the dog so that adds on another £15 per night. She's very old (rescue) so we couldn't take her with us as she is a very anxious little thing away from routine. And before you ask how we care for her as we both work ft...she is looked after by my mum and dad throughout the day 😊

Holidays, IMO, are vastly overrated. We don't really 'do' holidays as such because we have far too much livestock to look after, but we do weekends away with either DH's or DD's hobby. It doesn't cost much as we camp out and really our only costs above day-to-day living costs are fuel, entries for DD and any help we get to look after the livestock

Ella1980

@daffodilbrain The laziest people I know are also the wealthiest!! Bank of Mum and Dad/husband/wife/inheritance

Op- you sound quite bitter imo. Is it because you live in regret? Your ex earns ok money and you don’t? Plus maybe you ‘resent ‘ your ‘poor old man ‘ and you can’t holiday? Did you have an affair? And why only 50 percent custody ?

Bloody hell @SecretsInSpitalfield, you do realise OP is a human being who's feeling low at the moment?

Why such a vitriolic post? Why not just walk on by? Why do you feel the need to give OP such a kicking? You're a bully

Ella you have quite a bit of spare time, there is absolutely no reason why you couldn’t take a 2nd job if you really wanted to have a holiday. Many people have2bd/3rd jobs. I did myself from the age of 16 and supported myself through A levels. I also worked full while also doing my BSc and Masters. It’s really possible to change your circumstances.

I read recently that a cat will cost £17,000 to keep over its lifetime and a dog can be over £33,000. Since, OP, you have a dog there seems to be a choice to be made here.

I am sure you would not dream of getting rid of your dog to have holidays - but the option is there.

Life is full of choices which have consequences. I, too, gave up full time teaching because the stress was seriously affecting my health and took a pension actuarially reduced by a quarter to a tiny amount. I rejoice each day that I am free and healthy and live with my hard decision. That said, my DH was earning at the time - until he was made redundant. We live on a pittance and get on with it.

@Owlsintowels

Thank you for your message. If you actually poked back two pages ago you’ll see not only did I send OP some really nice advice BUT i also stood up for her and confronted some seemingly mean spirited people!

I gave her advice and I also told people to lay off her! So please do not call me a bully! My beautiful stunning sister was bullied all her life and now she has taken her own life!

Op I think some of the pp do have a point about your choices. You have chosen to work as a TA instead of a teacher for lower stress. That’s great but it has a financial impact so there is a trade off and you can’t afford holidays.

I’m a single parent and I work in a high earning role which requires a lot of additional work and long hours. I can afford lots of lovely family holidays but it impacts on the time I have to spend with my family. Most high earners that I know have to work extremely hard. It’s a choice but I made it so I could afford to help my dds in future (with housing etc) and save pension money.

You’ve made your choice too. Either live with it or change it.

I work in a school,earn terrible money, but am sticking with my choice as I LOVE holidays. I have a one day a weekend job that goes into a separate holiday account... we take one awesome overseas holiday a year on it. And a couple of weekends too. It’s fantastic. People are either feeling sorry for me because I work 6 days a week or are envious of me for all the breaks I have!
It’s a win win... husband does all the kid duty Sunday, they have a great time and I come home to a clean house and a cooked dinner

@nzeire

Love your attitude! Could I ask what is your w/e job? No problem if you can’t answer it course.

Feelings are never unreasonable. Actions can be but feelings no.

My kids have never been on holiday. My son is 10 this year and we had actually booked a holiday in the UK for this year which we ended up having to cancel as his school announced that my sons class is going on a residential trip in October and it’s nearly £400 so we can no longer afford to pay for our family holiday.

The area we live in is quite a middle class area so not all but most other parents and children go on holiday 1-4 times a year which wasn’t a problem until my kids started asking why Adam gets to go to Florida and why Florence gets to go to Rome etc. My son is 10 and sadly has become very aware of how little he has in comparison to most of his classmates. I often feel...not jealous exactly but sad and a bit disappointed in myself as a parent that I can’t do better for them. It’s not a fun feeling OP but you’re not unreasonable to feel jealous or sad.

Do you mean a holiday abroad? Going on a break in the UK is just as fun if not more. I highly recommend butlins if you have young children.