To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

If you have a car you can often pick up cheap ferry crossings if you want to go abroad.

Otherwise a night or two in a travel lodge or premier inn in the uk can still feel like a proper break.

Is childminding a possibility? Better hourly rate if you are full with children.
Also, the Sun newspaper do cheap caravan holidays, we've had some lovely breaks for under £100 in the school holidays.

You earn £13680 PA (7 hour working day to include a 1 hour unpaid lunch break) and he earns 22k. Your ex has the kids half the time and you are off 13 weeks a year. I'm sorry it may seem frustrating but you are essentially lucky you don't pay childcare in the holidays and get to enjoy that time with your kids.

I'm struggled to find a part time TA post so I put in 2 years of hard work and have finally been granted the hours and days I want.8 went back to work when my children were very young and it has been a juggling act.

Also you are no longer with your abusive ex therefore by logic, you will be able to cope mentally with the teaching load.

Sorry if I sound harsh but you just wanted to moan and not look at solutions.

£36k a year household income is not bad.

If £35,680 is correct as your household income, it makes you fairly middling in terms of UK household incomes. See the Institute for Fiscal Studies calculator here

Of course high outgoings mean less disposable income, but it's worth considering whether you're perceiving yourself as poorer than you actually are.

Ha, I'm wrong. That's net salary after tax rather than gross, which is likely to change things! Ignore me.

Well it's still £31338 which gives £2600 a month. So a decent chunk after rent. Plus child benefit of £137 every 4 weeks (2 kids). Sorry if I'm not being sympathetic but not exactly on the poverty line.

OP mentioned her DP does not have any career aspirations and I wonder if that is part of her problem? She knows if she wants to be with her DP that she is the one that will have to take financial responsibility if she wants improvement.

@orangesandlemon I only get CB for one as my evil ex even took that from me for one child (even though he earns what he earns!)

We go on a lot of holidays, (yes we 'earn' decent money, but less than what is on paper as we maximise pension contributions) we still have to make sacrifices for them.
We have 1 car (that's 10 years old), I walk/cycle to work as it's free. We take packed lunches to work(no fizzy drinks or branded stuff-just fresh produce), we don't smoke and rarely drink. We don't buy gadgets or fancy clothes.
My sister always moans that she is skint and is so jealous of our holidays. But they run 2 new-ish cars (despite her not working and living next to the school) they smoke and they waste so much money on tat, gadgets and christmas etc.

Now I understand there is definitely a difference between genuinly not being able to afford something and prioritising other things over holidays.

YANBU to be jealous, if you are honestly desprerate for a holiday and can't afford it and it isn't a budgeting issue

I am completely antI private education so might not be such a good idea

A job's a job. All children deserve an education. And it is a less stressful version of a reasonably well paid job.

I made my first post without reading the first thread.

This is not a holiday problem this is a being a victim problem.

I had an 'evil' ex who was physically, emotionally and financially abusive. He didn't pay a penny and rarely had contact.

Did I feel sorry for myself, make excuses and whine that he drove a new merc and I was juggling £700 rent and £800pcm childcare on a 20k salary. Did I fuck! I put on my big girl pants, worked every day and studied every night to get a good job. I didn't take a penny off him and I showed my daughter that I was 100% in control of my life. I didn't need to go begging I was capable.

Give yourself a shake. He does not own you or your thoughts.
legally with 50:50 custody he doesn't need to pay you maintenance. He earns £100k- you don't you can't expect your ex to supplement your lifestyle when you don't want to retrain, re qualify, get a second job. You are angry at your ex for not financially supporting you but fine with your DP not wanting to progress in his job. You are even bitchy about your Ex's GF who is none of your business.

Plenty of people have made suggestions and all I've seen back is excuses.

You CAN take your kids abroad, take the Eurotunnel or a ferry.

Stop complaining about things you aren't willing to change. If you're not helping to make something right you have no right to complain about it being wrong.

Ella, I've not read the whole thread, but it seems like holidays are really not the point of it all, and have just become a distraction. It's really about unresolved anger towards your ex-husband. All the advice about supply teaching, caravans and careful budgeting isn't going to make any difference at all to that. The court has looked at all the evidence and come to a decision about what is fair. You're not happy with that, but the only answer now is to try to get past it and let it go. That will make much more difference to your status as a brilliant parent than a week in benidorm

OP, holidays don't have to be expensive, or long, or in the summer. One of the best holidays DC ever had when small was at Romney Sands caravan Park. We booked one of their apartments for 4 nights for about £60 over Easter week. (I've just looked and they are about £79 now for 4 nights.) It was two double bedrooms, a living/cooking area and bathroom. Basic, but perfectly fine. We rode the steam train, had fish and chips on the beach, swam in the on-site free swimming pool, spent hours on the beach, went to the fun fair, played in the playpark, walked round the lake, explored the old WW11 sonic spy systems. The entire holiday cost about £120 for four of us.
The trick is to go for less than a week and to do self catering. That way food is no more than it would be at home. The Park resorts sites are very clean and well kept (the ones I've been to) and have free swimming pools, playgrounds, and seem to have loads of discos and contests - Butlins-style entertainment too which we didn't do as it's not our thing. There are similar priced holidays in lovely places on the Northumbrian coast too. Just go for four nights. It will feel like a proper break if you set off early on the first day and do something exciting on the way, then do something on the last day and drive home at night so DC have five full days worth of holiday.

@Ella1980 well sorry but I find that hard to believe seeing as he earns double the threshold for being entitled to CB. So get that investigated ASAP because I'm finding this more and more bizarre

Put a message on Facebook asking if anyone needs childcare for the first week of the holidays (or whatever one your kids are at their dads) you'd easily find 2 kids, £45 each a day, 5 days is £450 for one weeks work, that's enough to get at least a long weekend in a caravan or b&b near a beach and food. I know loads of staff who do it as parents often need cover for when they can't get off work.
Feeling jealous doesn't help anyone, how much someone else has doesn't mean you have less or more just that you are making yourself miserable by comparing yourself to them.

@orangesandlemon He's a Chartered Accountant who set up his own business when we divorced and "borrowed" money from his brother. Now we're divorced his business is doing remarkably well and his brother no longer has shares. He's been allowed to screw me over basically!

I have won my holidays in writing competitions and one in a Take a Break bit of nonsense that someone gave me to do when I was bored...

As a teacher and single mum, I could never afford holidays as most people do so we would go camping in farmers fields. Daughter loved it. I think it’s all about perception.

I work FT, I get 22 paid days holiday & 8 bank holidays
You seem to get lots more days holiday, by my calculations

So you either need to work more on your unpaid days. Or find ways of enjoying your free days
Look on your town or council website for things to do locally, or investigate things to do further away
Do you have bicycles, bus, train, car ?

I think you'll find many many people go into debt for a holiday!!

We went to Thailand last year but only because I had some inheritance and I have family to stay with. Everyone now thinks we're loaded!!

Things aren't always as they seem! Before that it's been 5 years of caravan holidays at cheapo sites in our 25 year old caravan and before that 9 years of camping!

Ours (self catering) is budgeted into our monthly budget and put away. People ask how we afford to go away. I tell them it's worked into our budget.

When they moan I say to them "we dont drink, smoke and our needs at home are simple. We are both homebirds!" Then I ask "where do they put there spare money?"

Now if you a heavy mortgage, family etc its a different game. I'm talking about people like us whose children are grown and working etc.

It’s frustrating and unfair! It might be hard work and not everyone’s cup of tea but we’ve taken on my uncle’s allotment, on the advice that it can save £3000 a year for a family of 4. That’s going to be our holiday fund. There are ways and means, even if it seems impossible.

Growing up my parents didn’t have a lot of money so we didn’t really go away - sometimes a week in scotland or a B and B in yorkshire but not annually - however we did have days out in the car to Sussex , Dorset , beaches , parks etc - loved it and have nothing but fond memories of my childhood - appreciate it was/may have been different then and now ( and no digging at you or anyone else here OP ) we are all surrounded by constant images of people holidaying etc - bear in mind many people on holiday are damn miserable/argue /don’t talk to each other / get sunburn and diarrhoea etc so it’s not all it’s hyped up to be - as others have said if you can just have some days out

Can you not afford a tenner a week maybe. I've seen holidays for next summer for 500 for a week for 3 ppl including flights and accommodation half board. If you cut something out for the year.. Say cigarettes or alcohol or something else you may find you can afford it.
OR Find some people to go with the more people that go with you the less you pay as the cost is spread amongst everyone
OR a lovely hotel stay by Littlehampton beach for 5 days is only 250 and you can pay bit by bit a year In advance with travel Republic. Look for clothes and other bits including furniture you don't need and stick them on ebay or shpock

Join Sitters.co.uk as an evening baby sitter. I have just booked my regular sitter 5 times in the next 5 weeks (ie one night a week) and she will earn £300 from that commitment. That could easily pay for a nice cheap and cheerful UK holiday for you guys. They really only employ people who work with kids as their day job but that would include you.