To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

When you lived in property costing £700 did you have holidays ?
You now spend £900, so that is probably where your holiday money is going

Teaching jobs are very difficult to get in the current climate. A teacher with experience has no chance against one with none. Bizarre but that’s budgets. Part-time? Well, hens teeth springs to mind.

Move to Scotland. We have an insane number of teaching posts vacant.

Does acotland hire top of the pay scale teachers over nqts? and do they pay the rate of that teacher, and not offer the job as long as it is paid at main scale?

Has your partner stopped smoking yet Ella1980? As that money is hefty and could go towards svaings.

If you are looking for a cheap holiday then Sun holiday or Breakfree holidays have some great deals even in school holidays. Or you can try booking a caravan direct from the owner. We've got an amazing deal at Butlins Minehead for October half-term booking from a caravan owner.

Or you could go abroad by ferry. May half-term is cheap as French schools aren't off that week. Not sure how far you are from the south Coast but you can get some great deals from Brittany ferries, Eurocamp etc.

We have had fabulous holidays in the UK and abroad and never stayed in a hotel in the Med as we can't afford it. It's not the only way to holiday.

I do understand about having a child with anxiety. My 11 year old had ASD and SPD and is very anxious. She has managed a couple of short flights with a lot of hand holding. She has completely refused to go in the channel tunnel though.

Several people have suggested tutoring. Good hourly rate and you could save that money as a holiday fund. Some other good suggestions too... eg make the most of your child free weeks by picking up extra work in holiday clubs etc

@C0untDucku1a He has, yes 😊

@Ph0neGh0st Indeed. We're wondering if social housing would ever be an option? Don't know rules re bedrooms and same sex older children though?

You don’t want to work 10+ hours a day but mention your ex works long hours. So you want to benefit from his salary, forgo any hard work on your part and he should work long hours and support you. You’re not saying you think he should support the kids, you’re quite openly saying if he paid maintenance you could afford a holiday. Only that’s not maintenance, that’s a luxury. Can you not see the irony? This is the attitude that gets you up shit creek in the first place.

You can take a bus abroad, cheaply

You can take on a summer job in the holiday

When we were in this situation we did the '£9.50 Sun holidays' thing. Loads of places do it now - in fact despite being 'oldies' me and DH went away earlier this year with it. You don't even have to travel miles, find your closest one and just a week in a caravan with entertainment laid on would be enough for the children.

Is being a TA a full time job though?
I thought it was school hours and school holidays?

How would you feel about a house swap?

OP, the thing is, I am envious of people who can spend the summer weeks with their children. I would love to take the 5.5 weeks off for relaxed times and day trips.

What i’m saying is Envy is natural . We are all envious of nice things we wish we had.

But dwelling in it can bring us down.

You have a hell of a lot in your plate and running yourself ragged doing another job isn’t really going to help.

The summer is for picnics in the park, day trips, relaxing.

Plan to visit a different park every week. Make plans with friends. Look up seaside day coach trips.

We didn’t have holidays as kids, we had day trips to the seaside with s pack of lettuce and salad cream sandwiches, and Mum showing us how to dig a speedboat in the sand and use seaweed to make a decorated sand birthday cake.

Go to woodland, check out every free museum and use your Tesco points to the max for activities.

And whatever you do, don’t go camping in October. (I say this as a keen camper. It isn’t the time to start and comfortable camping requires considerable outlay).

You are a great Mum. Providing a hol or not is not part of the judging criteria for parenting.

Being there for your kids and giving them the capacity to enjoy the potential of the world they have is.

A woman at work who goes abroad a lot gave me such a pitying look when asking about my staycation, ie, week at home recently. I didnt ask for that look, I didnt deserve that look.
We all have different priorities and we have a beautiful country to appreciate

Just a thought - you keep saying you’re on M6, and are outnumbered by NQTs. Not sure how long you’ve been out if teaching but the rules changed in about 2012 and they no longer have to pay you ‘to scale’, so you could go back to m1. Personally I think this is atrocious BUT it does make it easier for experienced teachers to move schools, if they’re happy to take a pay cut.

Not all teaching jobs are stressful - I now work in a private school and it’s a dream. We also have a fair number of part timers. Also, where are you? I’m in in the SE and we are lucky to attract more than 1 or 2 applicants for a role in most of the schools I’ve worked in.

Yes, teaching is long hours and doesn’t work well with a family. But I’d you only have your boys every other week, could you manage your hours so that you work longer hours the week you don’t have them - try to get the bulk of planning, displays, report writing etc done that week, then the week you have them you do the bare minimum? Just a thought.

SATS marking is another possibility, though I think they generally want people who are still teaching rather than ex teachers. Private tuition is a distinct possibility, you can easily get £20-25 per hour for primary, possibly more if you’re somewhere like London.

So the job made you ill or your abusive ex made it impossible to do the job without making you ill? You aren't with him anymore so why can't you go back to teaching? Your comments are very confusing and contradictory.

If it was teaching that made you ill then how are you able to be a TA with responsibility for a highly demanding child to look after?

If it was being with an abusive ex that made you ill then there is no reason why you couldn't now go back to teaching. Or hey, do something completely different but that is properly a full year job and that pays better than a TA. It's crazy that you have chosen such a low paid job when you could do so many other things.

Life choices.

Were you married to your ex? How did you not end up with any of the assets?

I am completely antI private education so might not be such a good idea! SEN TA'ing is stressful but, unlike a teacher, mostly I can get away with working 8-4ish.
Was married but is a Chartered Accountant and FD of his own business. Say no more!!

OP on reading the whole thread: first off, your kids are better with you, e.g. whatever you don't have in money you have in parenting. You've totally got this. Your kids would not be better with your ex. I'd also tell you to remember why you're with your current dp as the money thing sounds like it's making you resent him. Is he happy with how everything is? Because I saw you asked a few times should he not be taking on an extra job but if he's happy with things then no, you're the one who wants the change. If he's retraining is it with a view to better earnings or was it a calling sort of thing ( though if it was that's a good thing too cos happier parents etc) Best of luck with it all OP

I wonder if a family holiday carries symbolic weight for you as one more thing you feel your exH is depriving you of.

My advice would be to talk to your dcs about what they would like to do over the holidays. I'm a single parent with one dd, and I've done various things suggested here (cheap Ryanair flights to random places, an inept attempt at camping - harder than it looks!) and enjoyed them, but dd has made it clear that her dream holiday is spent at home, hogging the tv and making cakes, and having sleepovers with friends.

You don't have to make this about "What my ex is taking from me". You have got what he lacks - time to spend with your dcs and the ability to be a good parent. These are your riches. Focus on the most joyful way you can use this wealth.

Does acotland hire top of the pay scale teachers over nqts? and do they pay the rate of that teacher, and not offer the job as long as it is paid at main scale?

I have no idea as I'm a parent not an education professional. But given the number of vacant posts and not enough NQTs coming through, I would imagine so.

YANBU to want a holiday but you're blaming your ex even though he does give the kids a decent holiday.
Your new partner & yourself are the reason for lack of funds.
Plenty of good tips on here. Depends what you're prepared to do. We can't afford a Sun holiday where we hop on a plane. Both teachers but high mortgage.
We do things like:
Camping
YHA
Cheap Travelodge deal
Visit places for day e.g. London free parking Sunday's
Cheap May Half term deal with Canvas holidays in N France

I didn't go on a plane until I was about 16 as my parents couldn't afford holidays abroad other than the ferry to France sometimes. My parents were a teacher and teaching assistant so like your family we had long summer holidays.

We never had any other type of holiday than camping and sometimes youth hostels. It probably is a bit more expensive now, but we used to go camping in Cornwall, Devon, New Forest or France often for well under £20/night for the whole family.

I really enjoyed my childhood and felt like the summers at home with my parents were a great holiday even at home. We used to for lots of countryside walks and play games in the garden like boules, water gun fights, playing with tennis rackets etc. And I loved our camping holidays, even the ones where the tent blew away, or it rained all the time and we were basically pitched on a mudbath etc

Personally, I think we had a lot more meaningful and fun family experiences camping, than many of my peers who just went to only ever went to hot pool/beach resorts abroad and had a holiday basically revolve around eating out (not to cause any offence - those holidays can be great too!)

My advice would be:

• Try camping in the UK, even if it's just down the road. Look at youth hostel campsites - they are the cheapest. Save money by cooking tinned meals on a camping stove (I have many fond meals of tinned lentils and sausages!!). Buy a 2nd hand tent. They are so light and compact now you may not even need a trailer.
• If you can't afford camping, you can still enjoy doing "different" things in the UK like going for walks, getting out special summer toys and games, BBQ etc
• I wouldn't reduce the time you have with your kids getting a 2nd job so you can take them on holiday (unless you want a 2nd job doing something you enjoy and are passionate about!). Above all, I believe kids value time and attention from their parents. They do not miss what they don't know. I never felt different than other kids or deprived because we didn't go on holiday abroad (although maybe it was more usual then? I'm talking the 90s / 2000s).
• Try not to think about what others do or have, be grateful for what you have (not meant as a criticism)
• Reflect (hopefully without getting too depressed about it) on the fact that flying abroad for holidays cannot continue to be the norm anyway. I don't believe our children are going to be doing this with their own families. It is non-sustainable for the environment, and our economy is probably not going to be what it is now in 20 years' time.