To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

Op my friend was a mentor in a school working ft for just £10k, obviously she got some benefits but not a lot. She did tutoring one evening a week for £20 a time she saved that religiously and also saved £50 a month. So £130 put away for holidays - she goes camping for a week either Wales or Cornwall and has a haven break too. Haven breaks are so cheap in term time and have swimming and activities included in the price. ( but you would need a Monday off work )

Hi OP. I would definitely second an earlier PP's suggestion of camping. If you can't go before the end of this summer you could take advantage of the end of summer sales to get a cheap tent and a couple of air beds for you two and the kids (or borrow if you can) and really everything else can be brought from home - duvets instead of sleeping bags, sit on a picnic blanket if you don't have folding chairs, etc. It can be hard work for parents but kids absolutely love camping, often make friends on site, and are much more resistant to the cold and bad weather than we are. If you can get a site that allows fires so you can sit round one at night and toast marshmallows, it is even better.

No luxuries-don't go out socially, no haircuts (cut my own fringe-badly!) no other beauty things etc, definitely could not afford to smoke!

@snop Mon 24-Jun-19 23:20:21
Would you not be able to save up? we are going for 10 days in August in an apartment in Spain with car hire and flights it has cost £1500

Really!? You are wondering if the OP has £1500 to spare!?

As flying however cheaply is out of the question at the moment for about train abroad? Eurostar do good deals, especially in advance. Then onwards trains to eg South of France are cheaper than in this country

A different point : I was brought up on benefits and only had one holiday in my childhood, a week youth hostelling in Wales. That was literally it.

I felt minorly hard done by but no big deal. I had my parents all to myself over every holiday, we went on cheap day trips, to the local parks, railcard specials to the beach or London. We played endless games in the garden.

My memories of childhood were us being together as a gang and having fun. I do not remember a gaping chasm where my lust to go abroad was unfulfilled.

I'm comfortable now but my main holidays are staying with the in laws or the odd ferry over to France for a week. I might do more when kids are older but there is no real need to.

I firmly believe kids do not need our crave posh hotels or exotic holidays. They want time with loving family members and friends. I struggle with this as DP and I both work, though both PT. I worry that the week in France won't make up for the two weeks at holiday camp, but that's the balance we've chosen at the moment.

Your kids don't want holidays, they want a happy mum laughing with them as she makes sandwiches for a day out. You've got a lot of blessings, if you can adjust your mindset so you appreciate then instead of focusing on the negatives you'll be giving yourself and your children a huge gift

Easier said than done

And of course a rant every now and then helps shake it all out! You do sound sad and maybe even depressed though, if you think you'd might be the case it could be an idea to try and fix it...?

It’s shit, I hear you, but you have a job that lots of mums would love to have. Two nights here and there in a travelodge, £60. My kids loved doing that, feels like an adventure.

@Owlsintowels Aw thanks so much, that's really reassuring to read. I have had counselling but eldest is highly anxious again and I know that when he is seen (arranged by ex) it will be back to court yet again and ex will try to fight for more custody. That feeling of fear never really goes away.

You need to stop wallowing and blaming other people.
Have some pride, you don't want to live off your ex- it would give him a power over you. When I left abusive ex I knew I never wanted to depend on him.

You can't ask your fiance to step up if he is happy with how things are.

So you need to focus on what you can do..

• tutoring /babysitting in the evenings when your children are with their dad?
• run or assist with holiday clubs when the children are with their dad in the holidays?
• exam marking

You have lots of long holidays and child free time, you are in a good position to use some initiative and find some extra ways to earn money if you want to.

It's a great job, really helps me from a feeling worthwhile pov. It's pretty easy though really, most people could do what I do! You just need patience. Nice not to have 3 hours a night planning though, I don't miss that.

I don't really understand how even on minimum wage, 2 full time earners who are renting (so no surprise big bills) don't have days out, meals out, don't smoke or drink don't get haircuts, can't ever afford a holiday? I really do sympathise as it sounds like you got a shitty deal with your ex, but something doesn't add up. Do you have debt? Does your current partner have debt? We are low earners and have holidays.

My ex (who pays no maintenance) is on universal credit and he has been on holiday this year with his family.

I also know a couple of high earning families who claim they can't afford holidays. They both spend a huge amount on food shopping from what I can see. There must be someone who can look over your budget for you?

skybluee8 has some good suggestions. It's easy to think if you never have luxuries you can't save anything but all the money for my recent holiday came from extras, nothing came out of my wages.

I use a cashback current account and credit card. Costs me £5 for my current account but I get £14 cashback every month. Credit card costs £3 and I get £10 cashback just from buying groceries, petrol and paying for my travel to work. I recently changed broadband to the cheapest provider, saving £5 a month and getting £70 cashback. Also got £50 for new mobile phone contract (which was also cheaper monthly than I was previously paying) and cashback for swapping gas/elec provider. I never buy anything without checking quidco for cashback and have got over 3k back from there over the years.

If eldest won’t go on a plane you can still go to France, and camping there or even getting a small cottage is so much cheaper than here.

user27495824 Mon 24-Jun-19 23:44:30
I don't really understand how even on minimum wage, 2 full time earners who are renting (so no surprise big bills) don't have days out, meals out, don't smoke or drink don't get haircuts, can't ever afford a holiday

Possibly paying a huge amount in private rent

Just to add we take a holiday with The Sn (shitrag) £9.50 holidays. Works out about £100 for a long weekend in a 4 holiday park on the beach. If you take your own bedding, food and don't have entertainment complex passes it knocks money off.

I've also used Tesco clubcard vouchers to get Blackpool Pleasure Beach passes and then booked a cheap but comfortable B&B.

So sorry to hear of your son's issues. Have you considered reapplying for full custody? The courts would take your DC's views into account now they're older and it sounds like your ex does nothing to help your son's anxiety (telling him he'll die if he goes on a plane!) And definitely try camping!

Also, may I add. I know that a lot of friends book their holidays in the never-never, on credit cards that are nearly maxed out and by taking out loans. All is not all it seems with friends taking all these holidays.

I love a holiday, but not worth getting into debt for.

How about taking ths kids on a camping holiday? That doesnt cost a lot and they would love the wee adventure! Some of the best memories my niece talks about are camping holidays I took her by the seaside

Suggestions for holidays

Megbus book well in advance, very cheap, sleep there & back on the bus, one day in the destination or stay longer if you can afford

Family discount rail card

I think you can swap Track points for family days out at theme parks etc

You can buy camping gear cheap new or second hand, look Free cycle, Facebook, car boot sales

Look at stay at Youth hostels or house swap

You can get cheap flights on Easter or Ryanair £50 or less return flights to cities including Amsterdam, Iceland, Denmark book approx year in advance

Out of season package deals can be cheap. Some do £99 deals. I've been to Majorca for £150 a week, self cater in hotel

Instead of a holiday, why not have days out.
Or
You can get deals at Easy hotel Travel lodge

Do you have friends or family that you can visit

I enjoy lots of holidays & travels
How do I afford
I work FT & overtime, unsocial hours
Plus I have a second job
I cut down on some things people spend money on
I spend, I save

Can you move somewhere cheaper

@Oblahdeeoblahdoe My son won't say what he really wants as he is too scared to. My ex will again pay for the best lawyers while I'm left to self-represent. And the reality is he is more able to provide for them financially. Not emotionally, but how can I be prove that in a court of law?

Tesco points !

Rent is expensive-£900 pm for a small three bed. Before that it was a mouldy two bed for £700.

Can't move because of schools and shared custody.

Flights Easyjet

Realistically, is there anything you can do?
We all want you to have your holiday!

Aw thanks. It's no doable in summer but hopefully we can do something in October at least 😊

Depending on where you live
Overnight ferry to Amsterdam, free bus to city centre, 5 hours there, then bus & overnight ferry back. Less than £100 each in winter season
You could stay in the city if you have the budget & get ferry back another day