Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to send our DD in a school trip with the girl that bullied her?

143 replies

ineedaholiday2 · 24/06/2019 15:44

HI all,

Our daughter was bullied by a couple of other girls in her class last year. She has been in therapy since we found out, having very low self esteem and even entertaining suicidal thoughts. The headteacher spoke with the other girls back then and and while things have gotten better, they are nowhere close to be ‘friends’. Our daughter is still in therapy, battling depression and anxiety on a daily basis.

Now their class are going on the final school trip for a week without parents, and their teachers have put our daughter in the same room as one of the girls who bullied her. We think this is extremely irresponsible, and couldn’t believe it when they told us. Their reasoning is that there haven’t been any issues between We will not let her go on this trip if they don’t change her room, even though we have already payed around £300 for it and she will be heartbroken to have to stay while the whole class goes away. The whole thing just seems so unfair to her and insensitive from the adults.

Please tell me if there is anything we can do to protest if they dont’ change their minds, anything at all we can do. This is a primary state school.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
ineedaholiday2 · 24/06/2019 15:45

Sorry, realised I cut short a couple of sentences. I'm very mad at the school and typing furiously on my computer.

OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 24/06/2019 15:47

I mean this in the kindest possible way but if your primary-school-aged daughter is in therapy, battling anxiety and depression on a daily basis (your words), should she really be going away on a week-long school trip at all?

MrsSpenserGregson · 24/06/2019 15:47

Oh and I totally understand why you're mad with the school, I would be too

YouNeedToCalmDown · 24/06/2019 15:49

Yanbu at all. Your poor DD.

Pollywollydolly · 24/06/2019 15:49

How many children are sharing the room in total?

Woody68 · 24/06/2019 15:49

You don't say what your daughter thinks about it.

APurpleSquirrel · 24/06/2019 15:49

What have the school proposed they will do to make sure no further bullying takes place whilst on the trip?
I think I'd be reluctant too - how does your DD feel about it?

Woody68 · 24/06/2019 15:50

.. And how many children going in total. In my dcs school there was a girls Dorm and a boys dorm

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 24/06/2019 15:58

Flowers for you & dd - yanbu
The school really should have another option.
What does your dad want?

fecketyfeck21 · 24/06/2019 16:11

yanbu, how old is your dd ?

wellbuggerme · 24/06/2019 16:14

yanbu at all, I`d be very cross!

how old is dd/ bullies?

how far away is the trip from home in case you need to collect her? I`m assuming its a residential?

Fakenametodayhey · 24/06/2019 16:21

I went on a week long trip with bullies and it was the worst experience of my life
Dont let her go

Original poster
ineedaholiday2 · 24/06/2019 16:21

Hi all, DD and bullies are 11, the trip is more than 3 hours away (and I don't drive), going about 60 children in total, dorms are 4 them on each and I don't see why the school can't change them.

@woody68 my daughter is terrified. She keeps saying in school it's ok, but she is crying at home and asking us to speak to their teachers about it. After all that she has been through, I think it's unfair to expect her to confront her teachers about this. She doesn't have the mental strength needed.

@APurpleSquirrel the school said the dorm would be close to a teacher, but IMHO my daughter wouldn't tell on the girl if she bullied her, she is afraid.

@MrsSpenserGregson We are seriously thinking about this too. She has been going to therapy for a few months and seemed better until she was put through this. We wanted her to enjoy a normal experience with the rest of her class, she has friends there too.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 24/06/2019 16:24

Does your dd know she has been out with this other girl yet? There's no way I'd agree to it. Surely they can just switch them around with another girl. I'd remind the HT that your dd is still in therapy because of what happened. In fact you should call her therapist and ask for advice.

Cornishmum00 · 24/06/2019 16:27

If there is a record of the bullying (which it sounds like there is) the school surely have a duty of care to ensure your dd wellbeing on the trip, tell them she is scared and demand a room change for one of them or you will contact school governors or similar to ask why she was put in this position in the first place

Hairyheadphones · 24/06/2019 16:27

It’s absolutely not fair on your DD at all. I wonder if there is a reason that the two who bullied her need to be kept part and that’s why DD has ended up in a room with one of them.

PrincessScarlett · 24/06/2019 16:31

If the school are fully aware of the situation that your DD is in therapy because of the bullying they are being completely irresponsible in making DD share a room with bully. Just because they aren't aware of any more incidents doesn't mean that your DD is not scared/wary of bully.

Speak to the school and get them to change the room allocations.

Geraniumpink · 24/06/2019 16:42

Please talk to the school as soon as you can. I am sure they will do a swop if they are even remotely reasonable.

Piffpaffpoff · 24/06/2019 16:43

OP I had a version of this - they didn’t share a room after I spoke to the school in advance but some idiot on trip thought that even though I’d asked for them to not be in the same room, they’d be ok to be in the same workgroup for the week. I wish I’d kicked up a fuss when I saw the photos from the first day but much to my regret, didn’t. To cut a very long story short, my child had an absolutely terrible week which led to a formal complaint from me . The staff on the trip did not appear to have been briefed on the ongoing issue at all.

Knowing what I know now, if a similar scenario happens with either of my younger children, I’ll have no qualms about saying they're not going unless they guarantee they are kept apart - both in study groups and dorms. Good luck.

Original poster
ineedaholiday2 · 24/06/2019 16:44

Thank you for your support. According to this www.theschoolrun.com/making-a-school-complaint after having spoken with the head teacher in writing (we exchanged emails), the next step is to raise it with the school governors. Does anybody know how can I find out who they are and how to write to them? Is it enough to just write a letter to the 'school governors' and deliver it in the school office? Thanks

OP posts:
poobumwee · 24/06/2019 16:45

Yadnbu your poor girl. Totally irresponsible and unreasonable of the school. They need to place her in a different group. Not negotiable

Original poster
ineedaholiday2 · 24/06/2019 16:46

@Geraniumpink I have already raised it with her teacher and head teacher and they are refusing to change her.

@Piffpaffpoff thank you for the advice and for sharing your experience, I am terribly sorry about it.

OP posts:
XXVaginaAndAUterus · 24/06/2019 16:46

Definitely talk to the school with urgency - say to them what you're explained to us. Ultimately I wouldn't send her to stay in the same room either, that's utterly ridiculous

Geraniumpink · 24/06/2019 16:47

Unbelievable.Did they give a reason?

poobumwee · 24/06/2019 16:48

I would also escalate this to the board of governors too if you do not get a satisfactory response. Its ludicrous they are doing this. Zero common sense.