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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to tell him to go home or shut up?

149 replies

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 10:33

I rarely have guests as I don't enjoy it, but I have a family member staying with me for a week while he has work done in his house.(We're three days in) and I already want to murder him.

I've stocked the fridge and cupboards full and told him to help himself and I'm making meals but heaven forbid that I eat anything too. There were sausages which he's been eating and I had two yesterday(he had some too). He was looking for the sausages today and I told him we finished them yesterday, but there's bacon, eggs, tuna, cheese, ham etc. He said "You ate them? I was looking forward to sausage. Oh I suppose I'll just have to have bacon now. I wasn't really in the mood for bacon, just sausages but I suppose they'll have to do now that you've eaten them."

He's said that about other things too, bloody orange juice because I dared to have some. Some of my own birthday cake which I'm not supposed to touch. I bought the frozen M&S Pain au chocolat for his breakfast yesterday along with eggs I made. I don't eat breakfast as I told him p but said I'd have one later with coffee, and put two aside. He ate all six. "Oh I didn't think you'd want any."

Is it me? Would I be justified in telling him to leave if my existence in my own home bothers him so much?

OP posts:
Provincialbelle · 27/06/2019 12:28

Please please OP come back and tell us you put him straight about his colossal rudeness, greed and sense of entitlement.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2019 12:38

Travelodge thattaway >>>>>>

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2019 12:49

I have said it before, and I'll say it again - I think we need a MN Posse that will go round the country, telling it how it is, to cheeky fuckers and rude individuals like @PineappleSeahorse's uncle and @TheLovelyHorse's stepdaughter. With no relationship to the people concerned, we would be better able to tell them to wind their necks in and stop being so rude and selfish.

fedup21 · 27/06/2019 12:55

I don’t understand why you didn’t correct him!

Why can’t you touch your own birthday cake??

Have you said something to him now?

Yeahnahmum · 27/06/2019 12:59

Wtf? Get rid (or eat) of all the food right now. And leave the fridge empty. Good luck with that cf-er. That, or kick him out. He is not family. He is an asshole Hmm

Motoko · 27/06/2019 13:13

@PineappleSeahorse are you coming back? Has he gone home yet? Did you speak to him?

So many people wondering what happened.

PineappleSeahorse · 28/06/2019 12:27

Sorry for the lack of update, but it isn't exactly War and Peace so nothing exciting to share I'm afraid.Grin

He left about an hour ago. I'm enjoying the quiet. I had words with him(nicely) about the food thing and it seemed to help a little though there were a few other grumbles about things not being as he's used to, but I allowed him to live and I'm very glad that it's over. Part of me feels a little sorry for him but in future his children can make alternate arrangements.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 28/06/2019 12:34

Nip out for some pain au chocolats and eat them all Smile

sueelleker · 28/06/2019 13:13

He's got children but he was staying with you? Wouldn't they have him then?

PineappleSeahorse · 28/06/2019 13:14

I'm in Scotland. His daughter is working abroad at the moment and his son lives and works in a boarding school in the Home Counties.

OP posts:
PineappleSeahorse · 28/06/2019 13:17

I don't even know if you can have guests to stay in boarding school provided accommodation? Regardless they can arrange something themselves next time.

OP posts:
CascadingWisteria · 28/06/2019 13:25

Thanks for the update, OP! Been wondering how things were going.
Glad you've got your place back to yourself.
It was a nice thing you did -- but don't do it again! Smile
Wine Brew Cake Flowers Gin Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate

TheLovelyHorse · 28/06/2019 14:54

OP, I'm very pleased you've had a resolution of sorts, inasmuch as he's left and you've decided you'll not have him to stay again - and you don't have to.

I have felt a bit bolstered myself by lovely helpful posters on here @lottiegarbanzo @blackteasplease @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius to say something about and to DP's DD (the 21 year old).

So I spoke quite gently with DP who went a bit quiet, but acknowledged she was 'hard work'. (Her mum's not on the scene at all, so she lives with him.) (And two brothers.)

When I spoke to his DD about the food situation, via talking about Friday night dinner and who's eating what, in front of her dad, she put on a baby voice and said whatever I cooked for us all would be lovely.

I am predicting she won't eat it; that she'll be ill, or upset, or won't like it, and have to leave it, or make herself a special alternative and get in my way just as I'm actually cooking.

I don't live there; I have my own place. I just stay there part-time(ish) or DP comes here.

Believe it or not, I would say that we are actually fond of each other. But she has an underlying sadness I presume, that plays out in this way.

Funny how many dysfunctional dynamics play out through food, isn't it?

Sorry for essay.

TheLovelyHorse · 28/06/2019 18:28

I've turned up after work with bag of food and apparently she's organising a takeout. Even I didn't see that one coming.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/06/2019 20:03

Oh TheLovelyHorse that's... entirely in keeping with what you'd described. Hope it's tasty!

Motoko · 28/06/2019 20:49

I'm glad he's left now @PineappleSeahorse, and that you've resolved to not have him again. He was totally out of order to complain about anything, as you were doing him a huge favour. Don't feel sorry for him.

Thanks for coming back to update.

PineappleSeahorse · 28/06/2019 21:47

I hope that things get better for you, TheLovelyHorse.

I called my Uncle to check on him and ask what he thought of his wet room. He thanked me for having him so I feel a little bad now but he really was incredibly rude and I won't be having him to stay again, unless it's an emergency.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 28/06/2019 22:24

Yes really glad it's all over now!

blackteasplease · 28/06/2019 22:25

@Thelovelyhorse she's absolutely determined isn't she? Amazing!

Cherrysoup · 28/06/2019 22:45

I've turned up after work with bag of food and apparently she's organising a takeout. Even I didn't see that one coming.

Hope the little cowbag is paying.

LineRunner · 28/06/2019 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheLovelyHorse · 28/06/2019 22:59

I've gone 'grey rock' on it all tonight with her.

I cooked for a very grateful DP and me. His DD went on and on about the takeaway order for over an hour with her brothers. I sat in the garden with a G&T. The takeaway took 70 minutes to arrive. She went on about it. I had another G&T and watched the football match in DP's room. It arrived. She started moving tubs of food about and I carried on watching Megan Rapinoe and drinking G&T. I feel sorry for her but at 21 this is daft.

OP, don't feel bad at all. Anything that does your nut in probably isn't worth giving house-room to.

TheLovelyHorse · 28/06/2019 23:02

Please excuse cock-up above.

TheLovelyHorse · 28/06/2019 23:13

OP, I think you need to plan in advance what 'in an emergency' really means, because that should surely mean his actual adult DC step in.

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