WIBU to tell him to go home or shut up?

[PineappleSeahorse]

I rarely have guests as I don't enjoy it, but I have a family member staying with me for a week while he has work done in his house.(We're three days in) and I already want to murder him.

I've stocked the fridge and cupboards full and told him to help himself and I'm making meals but heaven forbid that I eat anything too. There were sausages which he's been eating and I had two yesterday(he had some too). He was looking for the sausages today and I told him we finished them yesterday, but there's bacon, eggs, tuna, cheese, ham etc. He said "You ate them? I was looking forward to sausage. Oh I suppose I'll just have to have bacon now. I wasn't really in the mood for bacon, just sausages but I suppose they'll have to do now that you've eaten them."

He's said that about other things too, bloody orange juice because I dared to have some. Some of my own birthday cake which I'm not supposed to touch. I bought the frozen M&S Pain au chocolat for his breakfast yesterday along with eggs I made. I don't eat breakfast as I told him p but said I'd have one later with coffee, and put two aside. He ate all six. "Oh I didn't think you'd want any."

Is it me? Would I be justified in telling him to leave if my existence in my own home bothers him so much?

He seems to have become slightly confused as to who is staying in whose house.

It sounds like he’s old. Some (not all) people get to be a bit more like children as they get older - it sounds like this is one of those people.

I would hate it but grit your teeth until the end of the week then don’t offer again.

Yes it's normal for the host to buy food - but it's not normal for the guest to tell the host off for also eating their own food! That's why people are telling you to haul him up on it - because when the guest is behaving like a CF your role changes - either to keeper of boundaries or to doormat, your choice.

Personally I'd go for "Jim, I stocked the kitchen up with nice food for everybody because we have a guest (you). The food is there for everybody so STOP making comments about me or any other member of the household eating the food that I bought. I am very happy to continue to share our food with you, but if you would rather have food for your sole use there is an M&S around the corner that you can buy your own from.

His son asked me if I'd put him up for the week

Ha! I wonder why!

Six pains au chocolat is just greedy - and I say this as a relatively old person myself with a 90-year-old father who would not behave like this (although does like sweet things). My father would be falling over himself to contribute and is very good at making cups of tea and crumpets.

You sound lovely, OP, and he sounds like he needs a bit of a telling off!

He's cheeky.
Tell him to go to M&S around the corner and buy himself the things he wants to eat.

I'll have words with him. I won't throw him out but I can't tolerate any more rude comments.

I was looking forward to sausage.

AHh, great! Supermarket is that way, and as you're already going then here's my shopping list, thanks a million!'

Happy - no. I really don't. But there is a long history of abuse, which she has meted out to myself, my elderly parents and her younger brother, over the last few years (read my first few posts on Mumsnet if you want to know the gory details). At the moment, I feel very much stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am doing my best to protect my son and my parents (whilst being furious with them for enabling her to continue her abuse of me from afar), and to encourage her to save her money so that she can move out.

She is a nightmare to live with, everything has to be about her, my son and I're expected to tow the line. She has absolutely no concept of being considerate to anyone, thinks she's the focus of everything, and... I admit, I have detached. Because I had to. It's either stand up for myself/my 14 year old, or allow her to live here and abuse me forever. Asking her to clear up after herself, to load the dishwasher, not to automatically expect every item of food in my kitchen (none of which she actually shops or pays for!), isn't me being "oh, I HATE my daughter!!!"

If I hated her? I would have gone NC with her in 2016. I would have pressed charges against her when she knocked me out and left me for dead, with my then 11 year old son the only other person in the house. I would have refused to allow her back into my house when my parents made her homeless.

So no; I don't hate my daughter. Far from it. But I'll be buggered if I'm going to allow her to deny a child lunchbox stuff or myself one meal a day simply because she might fancy eating whatever it is, herself.

Well, he's a charmer. An obese charmer, maybe. He doesn't seem to have a normal relationship with food (six??!) and if I was feeling generous I'd say he was comfort eating/depressed etc but the problem is you're too generous. Assert yourself in your own home!

This is a classic difference between people: should the host do everything to accommodate the guest and treat them like kings (perhaps you shouldn't have given him carte blanche to 'help yourself') or should the guest be more aware and fit in with their host?

The thing is you're not hosting in a sense that you invited him to stay because you want to enjoy each other's company - you're doing him a favour. As such the dynamic changes and he should be the one buying you stuff, not complaining! Of course it would be rude if you'd just bought him value stuff whilst you ate the nicer things but you don't need to go all out for him especially if he's not reciprocating your generosity.

You are being the perfect host OP. If I was the guest and was staying for a week I’d expect to pay for my own food, or at the very least do a weeks shop and pull my weight when it came to cooking meals for EVERYONE, not just myself.

Fucking selfish prick he is.
The wife was probably glad to go.

Never invite him back and put all the nice food that won't go off away in your bedroom.
Stop buying nice things for him to eat and tell him to pay his share.
What a stingy old CF.

He is the c.f. Of the day.
How you've put up with him I don't know,hats off to you OP!😀

I consider a guest to be someone coming to visit not someone needing a place to stay for however long.

Times I needed a place to stay and it was my mum's or DC, they would always make the first day's meals and then I would go buy food for the week for everyone to show my appreciation and share the cooking and chores.

There's nothing to stop him buying food for himself, I presume you're not charging him anything for lodging. If you are, that's different.

Not long now until he goes, think of it that way.

This has made me laugh especially the my rolls comment! Sorry OP

PS: If his wet room isn't ready at the end of a week you are perfectly entitled to tell him your agreement was for a week. He can live in his home while the work is being finished. I lived in my house while an extension was being built and complete renovation. Not much fun but we managed. A new bathroom is nothing.

Laughed as I wrote it and pressed send too soon. It's not forever so I'd grin and bear it. But please do update the thread as it's really amusing.

No, not charging him a penny.

His toilet will be out of action for much of the week or not accessible, not to mention the disruption and he has only one so I can understand him needing to stay somewhere, but if he has anymore work done his son or daughter can arrange something else.

Living with people is so hard! He sounds ungrateful though , you have been kind to provide him with a roof and things to eat.

So he thought the rolls you bought were his? You need to be ready with a comeback OP

@contrary13. You don't have to have her living with you - you and your DS don't deserve abuse. It actually might be good for her in the long term to get kicked out now and have to wise up. Hugs.

OP - buy all the sausages and eat the lot in front of him - in 'his' rolls too!

Ungrateful. We will stock up the house when family are visiting, but no-one just helps themselves. They will offer to help make meals, and if they feel like snacks they will always ask first despite being told fruit bowl/things in this cupboard are fine.

Mum will generally give me money if visiting for food, everyone else tends to bring presents or take us out for a meal. Same in return, when staying with others we take flowers/chocolate/wine depending who we're visiting and offer to pay for any meals out.