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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to tell him to go home or shut up?

149 replies

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 10:33

I rarely have guests as I don't enjoy it, but I have a family member staying with me for a week while he has work done in his house.(We're three days in) and I already want to murder him.

I've stocked the fridge and cupboards full and told him to help himself and I'm making meals but heaven forbid that I eat anything too. There were sausages which he's been eating and I had two yesterday(he had some too). He was looking for the sausages today and I told him we finished them yesterday, but there's bacon, eggs, tuna, cheese, ham etc. He said "You ate them? I was looking forward to sausage. Oh I suppose I'll just have to have bacon now. I wasn't really in the mood for bacon, just sausages but I suppose they'll have to do now that you've eaten them."

He's said that about other things too, bloody orange juice because I dared to have some. Some of my own birthday cake which I'm not supposed to touch. I bought the frozen M&S Pain au chocolat for his breakfast yesterday along with eggs I made. I don't eat breakfast as I told him p but said I'd have one later with coffee, and put two aside. He ate all six. "Oh I didn't think you'd want any."

Is it me? Would I be justified in telling him to leave if my existence in my own home bothers him so much?

OP posts:
contrary13 · 24/06/2019 11:21

My 23 year old daughter does this. It is beyond frustrating. I buy all the food... and she moans if I have the audacity to eat something which I paid for. Ever. At all. Her excuse? "Oh, I work all day..." - which yes; but I work from home, get peckish every now and then, charge her a minimal rent (and believe me, she wasn't happy that I wasn't prepared to let her live rent-free - the minimal rent is in the hope that she'll actually save some money and move the fuck out of my house -life- permanently!), and have a 14 year old who also likes to -inhale- eat food at least three times a day. She moved back in with us last month, after a lengthy stint staying with my (pensioner) parents... who kicked her out, having charged her no rent whatsoever, because she ate my diabetic father's food and then denied having done so.

This morning? She got shrill when I asked her to put her dirty crockery in the dishwasher so that it could go on (rather than leaving it strewn about the front room), and realised that I was putting what was left of the pulled pork which I slow-cooked for supper yesterday, in her brother's lunchbox ("why does HE get to have it? I was going to eat that for my dinner tonight!!!" - well, I paid for it, you decided it was beneath you to be in for one meal of the week with us yesterday -and then drunkenly crashed back into the house at almost midnight, slamming the door and waking a 14 year old school child up in the process- and I decided that "HE" could have what was left in his sandwiches today...).

If I were you, OP, I'd do as I've done and stand up for yourself/the contents of your kitchen. If your guest fancies sausages... I'm sure he's quite capable of going to the nearest shop for some, paying for them with his own money, and then asking you if he can utilise your kitchen to cook some (if you're reasonable, you won't say "no", but let him crack on with it! As long as he clears up after himself, that is...!).

Living with someone who is inconsiderate really puts me off ever having guests. I take my proverbial hat off to you, OP, for being brave enough to tolerate one at all...

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:22

He isn't poor btw. He's comfortable, just still rather lonely and a little lost after his wife's death but that doesn't excuse the rudeness.

OP posts:
Juells · 24/06/2019 11:25

His wife had a lucky escape, sounds like.

(too mean?)

recrudescence · 24/06/2019 11:25

I just thought he must be a bit older to behave in that way ...

Yep, that’s old people for you, swooping in like ravenous gannets and picking the fridge clean.

Cordyline1 · 24/06/2019 11:25

"I see you're having one of my rolls."
Wtf. How can he think they're his rolls?

Tooner · 24/06/2019 11:27

You are too nice for your own good OP. Being elderly does not give a person the right to be downright bloody rude.
I would be having strong words with him to say he is being extremely rude when you have welcomed him into your home and he needs to stop eating all your nice food, complaining when you eat and contribute to the household expenses while he is staying there. Cheeky get.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 24/06/2019 11:27

Why the heck aren't you insisting he does a food shop for both of you with his own money? You're a pain au chocolat-less doormat.

HappyLoneParentDay · 24/06/2019 11:27

@contrary13 Wow! You really hate your daughter don't you?

If you want her out of your life permanently then tell her......

Cryalot2 · 24/06/2019 11:28

Op you must have the patience of a saint.
I am sure if it was me there would have been words.
I like the idea of hiding the toilet paper. On second thoughts what would he use instead!
He sounds a right pain in the backside .

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:28

Most older people are not like him thankfully. I worked in care for a while and most were lovely and very polite. You had to practically fight with them to do anything for them. They didn't want to be any trouble.

OP posts:
PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:29

Have I been doing hosting wrongly? I thought that it was normal for the host to buy the food?

OP posts:
PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:30

Sympathies, Contrary. I only have to suffer my guest for a week. I know that she's your daughter but it'd still be very hard to live with.

OP posts:
BadgersBum · 24/06/2019 11:34

I think I'd restock on Tesco Value range and save buying anything nice for when you celebrate his departure. How can anyone be so inconsiderate and selfish in someone else's home?

Next time, can I come to stay? You sound like a lovely host, I promise to only eat my share and leave plenty for you.

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:35

If his wet room is delayed I'll scream.

OP posts:
thebogwitchisback · 24/06/2019 11:36

That is some next level cheeky fuckery! I'm actually laughing in complete bafflement at his nerve!
How rude!!

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:36

You'd be very welcome BadgersBum. I'm sure that you'd be a lovely guest to have. TBH though Genghis Khan and his hordes would be welcomed with open arms and bunting after this week.

OP posts:
Preggosaurus9 · 24/06/2019 11:37

Six?!

OP you need to change tack, give him a shelf in the fridge, tell him to go and do himself a food shop and put "his" food there. He clearly doesn't understand the concept of sharing.

ptumbi · 24/06/2019 11:37

But - when he said 'I was looking forward to those sausages' HOW did you not say 'There is an M&S just down the road. If you want some more, go and fuckingwell buy yourself some. And cook them for yourself too!'?????

There's hospitable and there's doormat. You are doing a nice thing for him - he can and should be reciprocating. When he doesn't, you get pissed off. That is how it works.

Tell him - get your own food in future. I will buy my own food. End of.

llangennith · 24/06/2019 11:38

Keep the shopping to a minimum and grin and bear it. You'll survive!

MzHz · 24/06/2019 11:40

How did this arrangement come about? Did he ask? Did you offer?

I think you owe it to yourself in either situation to say “Look, you’re staying here for a week as a favour, I’ve bought food for us Both until now, but your behaviour about eating literally everything in sight, my food included and THEN having the cheek to begrudge me my food that I have shopped and paid for really crosses the line.

If you can’t go back to your own home or find somewhere else then as of now you get your own food, cook your own breakfast, lunch and tea and I’ll sort myself out.

Do not eat my food and I won’t eat yours. This will also be the last time I’ll ever help In this way.

KatharinaRosalie · 24/06/2019 11:43

I thought that it was normal for the host to buy the food?

Yes it's normal. But I was in his shoes, I would a) bring a gift; b) take the host out to dinner; c) if staying for several days, do a food shop and d) not to complain that host is eating 'my' food.

PineappleSeahorse · 24/06/2019 11:43

His son asked me if I'd put him up for the week. I didn't love the idea but I thought why not? Now I regret it.

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 24/06/2019 11:45

I'm so petty the day he leaves I'd present him with more chocolate buns from M&S and say "I knew you loved them so much" and hide a couple laxatives inside-not enough to be obvious but enough to have him in the bathroom

WeCameToDance · 24/06/2019 11:47

Can you straight up ask him what his expectations of you eating this week are?
He can't possibly say nothing as this is all his food! It would be interesting to see what his answer would be!

Disfordarkchocolate · 24/06/2019 11:49

He sounds hard work and very used to living on his own now. I'd be biting my tongue but never inviting him again.

Not sure why he needed to stay with family, a few off season days in a hotel would be my suggestion if he gets any more work done.

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