WIBU to tell him to go home or shut up?

[PineappleSeahorse]

I rarely have guests as I don't enjoy it, but I have a family member staying with me for a week while he has work done in his house.(We're three days in) and I already want to murder him.

I've stocked the fridge and cupboards full and told him to help himself and I'm making meals but heaven forbid that I eat anything too. There were sausages which he's been eating and I had two yesterday(he had some too). He was looking for the sausages today and I told him we finished them yesterday, but there's bacon, eggs, tuna, cheese, ham etc. He said "You ate them? I was looking forward to sausage. Oh I suppose I'll just have to have bacon now. I wasn't really in the mood for bacon, just sausages but I suppose they'll have to do now that you've eaten them."

He's said that about other things too, bloody orange juice because I dared to have some. Some of my own birthday cake which I'm not supposed to touch. I bought the frozen M&S Pain au chocolat for his breakfast yesterday along with eggs I made. I don't eat breakfast as I told him p but said I'd have one later with coffee, and put two aside. He ate all six. "Oh I didn't think you'd want any."

Is it me? Would I be justified in telling him to leave if my existence in my own home bothers him so much?

@contrary13 if she has a job that should be plenty sufficient to move out. Why does she need to save? She could house share, or find somewhere partially furnished. Or do what lots of people do and move out and have to buy what they need over time. It's crazy to have someone abusive living in your house.

@PineappleSeahorse I'd be contacting the son and telling him you've done your bit and he can sort some alternative accommodation for his father for the rest of the week. I gather he lives too far away to have him stay?

@contrary13 I agree with pp. Forget about her saving. Tell her to look for a house share asap and to get the hell out. At least you can salvage one relationship - with your Ds. But if you continue to have dd live with you both, then chances are Ds will end up resenting you because of her abuse.

Why is his son not having him?

Call this man and tell him to collect his dad today and take him home with him.

This man is a massive cf for dumping his dad on you!

I'm in Scotland. His son lives and works in a boarding School in the Home Counties. His daughter is working abroad at the moment. I won't be doing it again though, that's for sure.

My DP's adult DD does a version of this. I often buy food - I shop for it, pay for it - but she decides she 'might want it later' and makes it awkward if I eat my own food. She says things like, 'Oh, I don't think dad wants that opened yet'. I swear she can hear the fridge door open a mile away.

I have sometimes left stuff for her she said she wanted, but noticed it is very rarely eaten - maybe a mouthful - and then has just ended up in the bin. (DP says not to bother. She works f/t and should sort her own food out.)

I've have tried and tried to work out the rationale. Why does she think food I've bought and paid for is hers?

I can see it's getting on DP's nerves, too. At 21, and in work, she's too old to be this rude and wasteful.

Well LovelyHorse, that one is obvious. Control, hierarchy, jealousy. She is asserting that she is more impoartant to her dad than you are and constantly seeking to 'put you in your place'.

OP I think he's so used to the only food in the house being his (and quite possibly his wife shopped to his preferences and only ever ate meals together, never snacking alone) that he thinks you've 'shopped for him' and cannot comprehend you eating at different times to him, so things 'disappearing' between meals.

I think Lottie has got a point .
You need to tell him straight, “DU, you are here as my guest. I have bought food for us to SHARE. My food is not just for you. I am happy for you to help yourself but please remember that I live here and I need to eat as well.
If you would like to contribute to our shared food, or maybe make a meal for us both, that would be lovely. There’s a Marks and Spencer’s just a couple of minutes walk down the road, or a (name shop) nearby if you don’t feel like going into town.”

Yep, that’s old people for you, swooping in like ravenous gannets and picking the fridge clean.

^^
I don't mean that. I mean that it's more common for SOME members of an older generation of men to be quite entitled and to consider women beneath them. There is a type of man I had in mind and this guys fits the bill. Also it would explain the OPs initial deference, allowing him to get away with it. Plus I was right.

I agree with lottie that lovelyhorse's scenario is about control.

I perfectly accept young people and women could be entitled twats and/or greedy it was just the manner of OP's uncle that made me guess that.

How interesting his son lives and works in a boarding school. Did DU or cousin go to boarding school?

I can't understand why you didn't pull him up on his assumption that all the food was his. Ok, the first time may have left you gobsmacked, but after that? He'd have been told in no uncertain terms by now, that the food is mine, that I'm kindly sharing with him, and the birthday cake (surprised everyone seems to have missed this bit) is ALL mine, unless I decide to allow him a small slice, seeing as he ate all the pain au chocolat.
If he wants food for his sole use, he's to buy it himself, and from now on, he must ask you if he wants to use any food you've bought.

I don't understand why he is getting funny with you about you eating food you have bought? Does he think he has bought it, or paying for it at the end of his stay?
I would speak to him about it now, and explain the food is for everyone who lives there, though if someone buys something specially for themselves, then they are allowed to say don't eat such and such, or ask to save one of the pastries for eg. But saying why are you eating that sausage in my roll, which he hasn't bought is just strange.

No. They attended private school but not a boarding school.

He's gone out for a while so I'm enjoying the quiet and should really be studying instead of Mumsnetting. I'll have a word the next time he says anything similar. I'm counting down the minutes and hoping that there won't be any delays.

TheLovelyHorse, it's different when it is your child. Children do take the p. I'm sure you can talk to her as an adult and point out that she is not being considerate as she is no longer a school child.

OP, it would be quite reasonable for you to say to your uncle that you have to eat too, and does he not realise that? He can also buy food, sounds like you have shops nearby, and it would be a nice gesture for him to prepare a meal for you (I live in hope). He's just insensitive and oblivious but if you point things out to him, the penny will certainly drop.

However, not long to go now.

Yes I was also thinking, does he for some reason believe he's paying for the food and it's bought specifically for him? Was there some miscommunication with the son?

why are you allowing this guest to piss all over you in your own home OP, grow a pair of balls and tell him to move into a hotel or shut the fuck up.

No delays will be accommodated! He can pee in a bucket if need be. Not your problem

His kids can pay for a hotel if need be.

He shops for himself though he has a very kind neighbour who often keeps aside a portion for him, of whatever she's made for dinner.

I bet he whinges at her if her cooking isn't up to his standards or she hasn't left a big enough portion for him.

Yep definitely have a word, he is rude and unreasonable. Set your boundries.

Two breakfasts!? Is he a fucking hobbit!?

Has he eaten you as well now, OP?

Speak to him. Point out that you have opened up your home to him and generously stocked the fridge and cupboards for him to help himself but say you DON'T appreciate him taking you for granted or commenting when you eat your own food that you have bought. Tell him if he has a problem then he's welcome to go to the shops and buy his own provisions. Cheeky bastard!

I would tell him: 'you're a guest.... What and how I eat and drink is my decision...!
If you want control over the food - buy it yourself or go to a hotel

It baffles me that you’re pandering to this grown adult in the first place. The first instance of him moaning to me and I’d strongly remind him that I paid for the food he’s eating and he’s also staying in my house and if he doesn’t like it he can fuck right off!