AIBU about NDN, her DD and their dog's shit?

[EssentialHummus]

We live in a flat with a garden. Our access to the garden is via a side return. It's a huge garden (for London, anyway) divided into three - NDN's bit (she lives downstairs and has direct access), our bit, and then a communal bit. You wouldn't be able to distinguish one bit from another from looking at it, nothing is fenced off.

NDN is generally lovely. We moved in two years ago, she put up with our renovation work, will always offer to have our toddler if we're stuck, shares all her garden equipment and water supply with us. All great, except - she's never been good enough at picking up after her dog. Last year I went out to the garden daily and there was usually shit out there (in our bit and the back), and it was clear that a few days would pass before she picked up. This year it's a bit more important as DD is a walking toddler now. When there's shit out there, I text her. Responses range from "Oh, I'm on top of it now that I have such lovely neighbours!" to "Done x" to "We're away but will tell DD/DS to sort" etc. She's away a lot.

I'll cut to the chase - if this was me, I'd be fucking crawling under a rock with embarrassment at needing to be told to clean up after my own dog. I've had dogs; their bowel movements aren't a mystery.

This weekend DH picked up a few days' worth because he needed to mow the lawn. I texted NDN in the evening. Got a reply to say she'd text her (adult) DD. Then hysterical wailing and sobbing from downstairs for over an hour as they spoke on the phone. And a text from her DD very late at night to say that she's very very sorry she dropped the ball, she has a mood disorder that stops her doing basic things, if it's ever a problem again can we text her.

Very bluntly - this has been going on for ages now and I have no reserves of sympathy left, everything sounds like an excuse at this point.

It's not my job to text anyone before I go out to use my own garden.

I have more than a touch of "When I was your age..." with her kids (we're all of five years apart) which is colouring my response.

I think she got away with it for years because no one else used the garden. But that's not my problem, and actually I've put a lot of effort and money into making it nicer for all of us (which she's acknowledged).

AIBU? And can someone please tell me how to say "It's your fucking dog, just deal with it", but, you know, sympathetically? Because otherwise it's a choice between fencing our bit of garden (expensive, ugly) or waiting for the dog to kick it.

I'm assuming you're joking about kicking the dog. She's totally out of order. Every time she lets the dog out she should be checking and clearing up after him/her. I do that when I let my dog my own non shared garden. I don't want dog shit sitting there. There's no excuse.

Is there any way you can fence off your part of the garden to stop the dog going in there? It seems like you’ve tried asking and so maybe the next thing to do is fence it off? If you don’t want to offend your neighbour you could just say you wanted to create an enclosed/safe area for your toddler.

Sorry, clearly didn’t read the bit in your post about not wanting to fence off! I’d still do that anyway, unless it’s a big dog you could get low, unobtrusive fencing/pick something more attractive?

Can you fence your area. Dog should not be going into your garden anyway

Contact council dog warden or landlord, there are laws to protect you from constant dog fowling.

@BenWillbondsPants She means waiting for the dog to die. Obviously.

The neighbour is going to do sod all I'm afraid. I'd have to fence it off regardless.

How big is the dog? Would a smaller height fence work? One that is only a foot or so high that you just spike into the ground rather than a properly fixed fence?

I don't know how you've stayed reasonable for so long. I'd have been fuming a long time ago. I get pissed off enough about cats, who can't help it, shitting in my garden.

Every bag you pick up post through her door....

I would actually fence off my garden to prevent others (dogs or human) from using it to keep it poo-free. Fencing doesn't have to be ugly.

It doesn't sound as if they will clear up the poo on a regular basis. If you want to protect your daughter from germs in the poo you will need to fence off your garden.

How many flats are there and who looks after the communal garden?

I know you don't want to but I'd fence off your garden. I say this as a dog owner but even after picking up the dog shit some still remains and your dd will be playing there.

You're not being unreasonable at all to be upset about this. But, given she's such a great neighbour in every other way I'd be tempted to just pick it up myself to keep the peace while waiting for the dog to pass on.

I think for your own sanity you need to fence it off.

Yh I'd just fence it off tbh, after telling her why. No point waiting for her dog to die, highly likely she will have another one and you will have the same problem.

The thing is, the shame of it and the politeness has not worked. So the next two options are going nuclear and fencing it off.

Getting very angry is going to spoil the generally good relations and then you’d feel awkward using a communal garden after that.

So fencing is the next best thing. Like PP says it doesn’t have to be ugly. Get some professional advice and you may find it’s cheaper and more aesthetically pleasing than you imagined.

Have a friendly chat with your neighbour first, tell her your plans and say you just don’t want to keep bothering her about the dog and see if it spurs her into action.

After that, all options have been used and you should go ahead and fence it.

assuming you're joking about kicking the dog.

As above, waiting for it to die. It’s 14. Size - large spaniel?

We’re both owners so no landlord involved. Three flats in total but upstairs never use garden. We maintain the communal bit.

I actually like the dog, fwiw. Just not its shit.

I think you need to tell both ndn and her dad that this is a situation that has been ongoing for so long now with no chance in circumstance despite your repeated requests that it’s become a breaking point. You appreciate everything they’ve down for you and value the good relationship but that you’re getting frustrated and frankly angry that it has become your responsibility to police them picking up the dog shot from your property. Either they start to pick it up them selves EVERY TIME without needing to be chased to do it or you put up a fence as you’re fed up.

Why can't you put up a fence between the dog area and yours - a mesh fence with stakes would not cost a lot and be pretty invisible from a distance. As it is their responsibility to restrict the dog to their area, may be they would part fund it.

@BenWillbondsPants She means waiting for the dog to die. Obviously.

I read it wrong @ShatnersWig - but thanks for the sarky 'Obviously' at the end - always necessary .

Sorry OP, I had visions of you lying in wait to give the dog a kick.

Put up a fence if that’s much of a problem for you. Dog doesn’t know it’s not meant to shit on a bit of specific grass so I don’t know why you’re making disgusting jokes about ‘kicking it’ or waiting for it to die.

Can you get some chicken wire and some electric fence stakes / bamboo canes / similar to thread through and stake it out, then you can take them down if she sorts herself out / dog dies. Minimal cost and temporary.

You all have your own gardens but nothing fencing them off? How bizarre. If it's a communal garden she should definitely be picking up, if not you need fencing asap.

As a PP said, even if they clean up the dog shit, there will be residue left on the grass. You really don’t want your toddler playing on that. I’d be absolutely furious if some filthy entitled cow of a neighbour thought it was ok to let her dog crap on my property.
I think it’s time you got angry and issued an ultimatum- either they keep their damn dog entirely OFF your garden (not just ineffectually clean up after it), or you call the dog warden. And yes, I’d be fencing it, too.

100% fence your garden then clean clean clean the grass and then it will be safe for your DC. No way would I let my child on grass that a dog uses as a toilet. It would never be clean enough despite the poos being picked up, crap would hang onto the blades of grass and Im no MN pearl clutcher

Sounds like it needs sectioning off, but then she will be even less inclined to keep her part clean and it will stink of dog shit. Does the dog get walked?