AIBU about NDN, her DD and their dog's shit?

[EssentialHummus]

We live in a flat with a garden. Our access to the garden is via a side return. It's a huge garden (for London, anyway) divided into three - NDN's bit (she lives downstairs and has direct access), our bit, and then a communal bit. You wouldn't be able to distinguish one bit from another from looking at it, nothing is fenced off.

NDN is generally lovely. We moved in two years ago, she put up with our renovation work, will always offer to have our toddler if we're stuck, shares all her garden equipment and water supply with us. All great, except - she's never been good enough at picking up after her dog. Last year I went out to the garden daily and there was usually shit out there (in our bit and the back), and it was clear that a few days would pass before she picked up. This year it's a bit more important as DD is a walking toddler now. When there's shit out there, I text her. Responses range from "Oh, I'm on top of it now that I have such lovely neighbours!" to "Done x" to "We're away but will tell DD/DS to sort" etc. She's away a lot.

I'll cut to the chase - if this was me, I'd be fucking crawling under a rock with embarrassment at needing to be told to clean up after my own dog. I've had dogs; their bowel movements aren't a mystery.

This weekend DH picked up a few days' worth because he needed to mow the lawn. I texted NDN in the evening. Got a reply to say she'd text her (adult) DD. Then hysterical wailing and sobbing from downstairs for over an hour as they spoke on the phone. And a text from her DD very late at night to say that she's very very sorry she dropped the ball, she has a mood disorder that stops her doing basic things, if it's ever a problem again can we text her.

Very bluntly - this has been going on for ages now and I have no reserves of sympathy left, everything sounds like an excuse at this point.

It's not my job to text anyone before I go out to use my own garden.

I have more than a touch of "When I was your age..." with her kids (we're all of five years apart) which is colouring my response.

I think she got away with it for years because no one else used the garden. But that's not my problem, and actually I've put a lot of effort and money into making it nicer for all of us (which she's acknowledged).

AIBU? And can someone please tell me how to say "It's your fucking dog, just deal with it", but, you know, sympathetically? Because otherwise it's a choice between fencing our bit of garden (expensive, ugly) or waiting for the dog to kick it.

Fence the communal bit as well its used by both of you so should also be clean. If you tell her why you're doing it she'll probably agree it's for the best.

assuming you're joking about kicking the dog.

As above, waiting for it to die. It’s 14. Size - large spaniel?

Except that she might get herself a puppy/rescue dog then. I think I would fence off your garden in your shoes. This is a stress that you could do without.

She doesn't use the communal so just fence it as well.

Tell the neighbour she needs to stop the dog shitting on your garden or fence her bit.

I would take your neighbour details of the diseases children can catch from dog faeces. The neighbour has to fence her section off to prevent the dog polluting the rest. That's the way I would approach it.

I would look at metal pins and netting to leave a path to the back 2/3 of the garden restricting the dog's area. Also put solar alarms on the back section

Fence in her bit with a basic fence. Then put in a gate. If cost is an issue, just use wooden posts and wire fencing. It’s not difficult to make a wire fence door so she but not the dog can access the communal bit.

I accidentally clicked on YABU. . Clearly YANBU!!

What's her right of access to the communal area? I'd have thought you could use a very low level fence as per pp between your area and her area, with an opening at the end of the side return - as long as she has access then shouldn't be an issue? You still then have access to both and her dog is kept in her private bit.

IShe doesn't use the communal*

She does. Well, not much, but she’s planted some stuff out there and has the right to use it - I can’t fence it off.

I'd ask her to fence off the bit the dog uses, that's the only way it's not going to look ridiculous.

Fence off the garden. Other than that she seems like a nice neighbour so you'll destroy your relationship if you go on like this. Fencing is costly in the short term but will save your sanity and neighbourly relationship in the long term

Even something like this and just use canes to hold it on place. Then you don't even need a formal gate. Just lift a can to open/close the end.

She'll do bugger all. Fence it and be glad you've done so. Love the incapacitating mood disorder. Wish I'd thought of that.

"Tell the neighbour she needs to stop the dog shitting on your garden or fence her bit."

Just do this. Offer to do it for her. You only need a really low wire fence it's posts if her dog is an elderly spaniel. She can step over it to access the rest of the garden if she wants to.

It's either that or put up with it because your current approach isn't working.

Fence off the communal bit too and explain the fence is for the dog and not for the humans. Then she can leave the shit in her bit for as long as she likes. If shes as nice as you make out she'll understand.

If the dog is 14 it won't be very limber so even a 1ft high fence will discourage it. Can be easily stepped over by an adult, but keep the dog in its own space.

I'm assuming you're joking about kicking the dog.

Absolute classic

The dog will definitely die within the next year or so I’d say but there’s nothing preventing her from getting a new dog... You could potentially be dealing with this headache for decades.

I’d fence your bit off as others have suggested, it’s probably the only solution. I definitely wouldn’t be picking up another persons dog shit.

The dog will definitely die within the next year or so I’d say

Vet, are you @Pinkmouse6? Only saying that as friend of mine's dog died at the weekend aged 19. But yes, I agree, it's more likely than not.

Poogran!!
Great idea of hers. Do it op.

I agree with many pp, put a small fence between your patches of garden. It doesn’t need to be big or permanent. If the dog can’t jump much the fence could be low enough for a person to step over, or you can put a gate in a higher fence. You would not be stopping anyone getting access to the communal area. If your neighbour complains about the fence that would be your opportunity to tell her exactly how unhappy you are with the poo.

Fence your garden off. I have 2 toddlers, I’d hate to have to share my garden with someone else’s dog. It’d not just be the worry about checking for dog shit, but the dog being out there when my child is playing. Safest thing to do is fence it off, it might be ugly but it’ll be much better for your toddler.

Could you leave the poo bags piled on her property so she has to start removing them and sees how much you're having to do it?

You can still fence off the communal bit and tell her that it's to stop the dog poo. She can go through your garden to get to it.

th efence needs to go along her bit and down to the side return, so her dog is contained in her bit.

Then your bit and communal bit are dog free.

A really low and simple fence would keep an old dog out, it just needs to pop out, do its business and return. If NDN is out there, she can use whatever she wants of the garden.

Can you fence either a small child’s play area or a dog exercising area, rather than your third?

She might get another dog when this one dies!