I'm basically feeling so fed up with my DH that I'm seriously considering divorce.
Since having our DD 6 years ago, I stayed at home as a SAHM and since then we had another DD who is nearly 4. I had a career and a permanent job in media before the kids, which together with saving every spare penny for deposit got us on the property ladder in London (more of that later). DH has been running his own business nearly ten years now, but at the time the first baby came along he was still very much only self employed and starting up.
The issue is, that my DH has been bullying me about finances ever since the babies. He lays it all on me..why don't you work, get a job, you're lazy, suggested I should get a job in Lidl to stack shelves etc... At the same time he is working very hard, doesn't want to deal with the kids at bedtime or bath time and doesn't do any of the other 'boring' parenting stuff like getting clothes ready, looking after them when ill etc..
Twice within this SAHM period I have gotten myself a part-time job to stop the constant criticism, and it has been really tough on the whole family and both times he eventually started asking me to quit the jobs as the money I was making wasn't worth the hassle for him. And by hassle I mean having to pick up the kids from school/nursery, cook, take a day off to look after a sick child and so on. I understand, he works hard and it's difficult for him to be on time with traffic and to deal with clients, staff and kids. Which is exactly why I stayed at home!
When our first child was a baby, I applied for a planning permission to extend our property. I did all the paperwork, found an architect and paid for all of it with my personal savings. Then when we finally got the permission to go ahead, we remortgaged our property and DH took out a personal loan to get the work done. He project managed this huge transformation of our property himself (as well as running his business simultaneously) whilst I took the kids and went to stay with my parents. He worked incredibly hard, and the value of our property increased considerably. He takes all the credit for it. Reminds me constantly how HE made the money, whist I was doing f* all. His exact words.
And it does't end there.. I recently started studying again to refresh my skills in preparation for getting back to work in my own field and maybe have a career again after such a long break and it's still no good. I apparently shouldn't be studying and messing around at Uni, but should be making money instead.
Who is BU here? I feel like I cannot win. I even had a home based on-line job for a while, but he convinced me to quit it, as it took all my evenings and the money once again was not worth it. (We are not wealthy but not scraping by either. We shop in Lidl, H&M, Sainsbury's Amazon..you get it. And he is not financially controlling. I can use his card whenever to buy whites needed)
He compares me to people choosing to live on benefits (as in I'm just like them and he's the provider), to other mums who have started business on their maternity leaves (I should have done the same) etc..etc.. HELP!!