Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

745 replies

ThunderandPharoah · 23/06/2019 07:59

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 23/06/2019 11:50

But they still need bed and bored, parent in Benidorm etc can’t afford to keep them and pay for food etc - they don’t live for free at home

bewilderedhedgehog · 23/06/2019 11:50

The whole system is extremely unfair. I am a single parent with 2 at university. Their father does not pay anything. I have to find in excess of £1000 each month which I willingly do, and work most weekends as well as Mon-Fri to do this. I earn well, so I am really lucky but I also eat very very cheaply when they are not here. Both have part time jobs to help but it is hard, and particularly difficult for single parent/blended families as many other posters have said.

Yabbers · 23/06/2019 11:52

There's little point saying "but we did/didn't do [whatever]" because that's not what happens now.

Except that it’s not exactly a secret that grants were stopped and loans had increased. Which is why we’ve been putting a little aside for DD if she wants to go to uni, from the moment she was born.

Those who can’t afford to do so are given full whack in loans. Those stuck in the middle, are you really going to say you couldn’t have found any spare change to save for your a uni education?

The other alternative is to tell them you simply can’t afford it and they need to find another route to be qualified. The “can’t get a job without a degree” is changing too. If your child is more interested in the career than having a uni experience, they will find a way.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 11:53

Dungeondragon15 and the student should take into account the fact that if they can't get enough money together to go to the uni they want then they need to consider using a Uni closer to the family home and not moving out.

Did you actually go to "uni"? They are not all the same and students cannot necessarily pick and choose where they go. Going to one "close to home" may mean going to one which is nowhere near as good as the one they could get into with their A level grades. It could also demand higher A level grades for a particular subject than they are capable of getting or they might just refuse a place full stop. As I said, parents know their is a good chance that their children will go to university when they are born and unless they are on a very low income (in which case they won't have to contribute anyway) they should be saving for this possibility is they can't afford to pay the contribution outright.

Benes · 23/06/2019 11:56

yabbers what about the student who wants to become a doctor? Or other exclusively graduate occupations which require degree level study for very important reasons.

'they'll find a way' isn't really going to cut it is it?

Benes · 23/06/2019 11:57

If only it were that simple contraception

bluebluezoo · 23/06/2019 11:58

I had fuck all as a student. Was expected to work and get loans.

My mum was a lone parent who has never worked so i assumed she couldn’t afford it. It was only when i had poa over her finances i realised she had trust funds coming out her ears.

Sds is at uni currently. We are v. Low income so said to sds to use our address and income for finances (shared care prior to uni). His mum said no, must be hers. Her dh is high earner so sds got the minimum and we can’t afford the parental contribution.

Judge away.

Kittekats · 23/06/2019 11:59

Wow, just checked and if DC wants to study in london we would be expected to contribute £475 per month ShockShock. We have always intended to support as best we can but that is a shocking figure and certainly not one we have spare each month.

Feeling guiltily grateful now that only one of the DC plans to go to uni.

titchy · 23/06/2019 11:59

All taken out before the introduction of student loans I might add.

But not before you knew that it was likely that your dcs would be off to university and that you would be expected to financially support them.

The introductions of loans for maintenance hasn't changed that - parents with middleish incomes have ALWAYS been expected to support their kids through uni - for the last 40 years at least.

So yes, I judge. And earn extra cash to support my kids at uni because we knew when we mortgaged ourselves to the hilt a few years ago that the repayments would impact how easy it would be to support them. We made our decisions many years ago in the full knowledge of our future financial commitments.

Hahaha88 · 23/06/2019 12:00

@Benes yes if they don't have a university near them or it doesn't provide the course they want then staying at home doesn't solve the situation. But otherwise surely a degree is a degree regardless of which university it comes from?

Fwiw I moved 350 miles to go to university with no parental contribution and still got a 2.1 degree.

@daisypond erm yes of course it is, because surely living at home means no need to pay rent/utilities etc so your experiences are dramatically reduced. Though looking at the picture of the amounts given above, the loan isn't reduced but a massive amount when living at home

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 12:01

The introductions of loans for maintenance hasn't changed that - parents with middleish incomes have ALWAYS been expected to support their kids through uni - for the last 40 years at least.

Exactly. Even before loans parents had to contribute if they earned over a certain amount. My parents had to pay all my "grant".

EleanorReally · 23/06/2019 12:01

Putting a little aside won't be much help imo

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 12:02

Putting a little aside won't be much help imo

It does help. I put aside a small amount each month into ISAs and it is now £1,000sss

titchy · 23/06/2019 12:03

Passthecherrycoke - oh, so is there a new system that parent should pay a proportion?

No it's not a new system. Apologies for shouting but this boils my piss: PARENTS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EXPECTED TO CONTRIBUTE TO THEIR CHILD'S UNIVERSITY COSTS. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 12:04

yes if they don't have a university near them or it doesn't provide the course they want then staying at home doesn't solve the situation. But otherwise surely a degree is a degree regardless of which university it comes from?

No it isn't. A degree from a good university is worth a lot more than one from some ex college of education that lets students in with a couple of E grades.

LakieLady · 23/06/2019 12:06

I wouldn't judge them unless I knew their circumstances inside out.

I do judge DP's ex, who reduced her salary to below the threshold for contributions, so that DSS would get the full amount.

She did that without any problem, because the salary comes from the business she owns. She lends the dividends to the company, and draws them down as loan repayments, so that they're not taxable.

daisypond · 23/06/2019 12:09

living at home means no need to pay rent/utilities - so who pays for the student child’s share of the rent/utilities, then? The parent does. It’s not free.

Benes · 23/06/2019 12:09

But otherwise surely a degree is a degree regardless of which university it comes from?

No...just no. There are league tables and varying entry requirements for a reason.

daisypond · 23/06/2019 12:12

I went to university in the ‘80s and grants for maintenance were mean-tested then. It’s nothing new. But then tuition was free.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 23/06/2019 12:14

living at home means no need to pay rent/utilities

Jesus wept, are people still this narrow-minded and obtuse? Newsflash: many people do not live in cities with universities in them.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 23/06/2019 12:14

I was on a degree course recently aimed at "mature" students but in reality many of our group were in their early 20s and had worked full time for a couple of years or so in order for them to afford Uni. Most people with higher incomes will have higher outgoings too, YABU to judge.

funinthesun19 · 23/06/2019 12:20

I would only judge parents who are on a high income but choose not to help. I doubt there are parents like that though.

I wouldn’t judge parents who are on an average income because it’s expensive and that’s what student loans are for. That being said, I will always try to help wherever I can if my children go to uni.

It’s a choice to go to uni or not, and some parents can’t afford to support their adult child as much as others can. And if their adult child is doing a degree that probably won’t lead to anything and it’s more just a hobby or interest rather than a building block towards a career, then it might just be seen as a waste of time anyway.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 12:21

I went to university in the ‘80s and grants for maintenance were mean-tested then. It’s nothing new. But then tuition was free.

Parents aren't expected to contribute to tuition though. They only contribute to maintenance and the only thing that has changed is that they are never expected to pay for all of it whatever their income.

katewhinesalot · 23/06/2019 12:22

My parents had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay their calculated half of my grant 35 years ago. It really wasn't easy for them and they weren't on high wages at the time.

daisypond · 23/06/2019 12:26

dungeon - yes, just maintenance. But whatever maintenance grant you received did not have to be paid back. It was also free. Not like today, where you need to gradually pay back both tuition and maintenance.