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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

745 replies

ThunderandPharoah · 23/06/2019 07:59

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

OP posts:
Trafalger · 23/06/2019 08:23

I should of added I also think it's wrong to base it on parents income but that's a whole other debate. Student finance is messed up in this country.

Chescascurious · 23/06/2019 08:24

If they can't afford to help, then no I wouldn't judge. But if they can and they don't, then yeah that's unreasonable.

To give some people an idea of why, take my uni loans & costs for example
This year (starting in September) I will receive the lowest maintenance loan, just over £4100, because of what my dad earns.
My accommodation for the year will cost just under £8000. Even with a job I'm not sure I could afford that, and that doesn't take into account the money I will need for food, bus/taxi fares, etc. Luckily, my dad has payed for my accommodation for me, with me paying him back a small amount to go towards it.

If you can afford to help your child out, and don't, it's massively unreasonable.

MargeryB · 23/06/2019 08:27

I don't really 'get' the parental maintenance bit tbh, they are adults. I hate how the government makes them dependent when it suits them and not when it doesn't. It's wrong, like in the case above where the poster had moved out.

If the government was serious about parental involvement and support it would be stronger on child maintenance. The inconsistency makes me cross.

EleanorReally · 23/06/2019 08:27

But do these kids have to go to university? arent there other ways of learning?

Jemimapuddleduckpancake · 23/06/2019 08:28

I'm confused - what's a parental contribution? As far as I knos there's the loan (which everyone gets) and then the bursary (which only children of low income families get). I got the loan but wasn't eligible to the bursary. My parents didn't pay for anything though, although they were very well off and could have. It would have been nice if they did but then, why would they? I don't know anyone whose parents were involved in funding any part of their university experience? We all funded ourselves through loans and part time jobs.

Passthecherrycoke · 23/06/2019 08:29

Jemimapuddleduckpancake Tuition fees. Currently £9k a year or similar

MargeryB · 23/06/2019 08:31

Chescascurious, do you honestly think of yourself as a child? You live away from home, could get married, have your own child and vote yet you describe yourself as a dependent child. You talk about 'my costs', yet look to another adult to pay them. It is screwed up (the stystem, not you).

Benes · 23/06/2019 08:32

Eleanor well of course nobody has to go to university but what if you want a career that requires a degree?

Also, if you're unsure about what you want to do university can be an excellent opportunity to develop skills that employers want.

The student finance system doesn't work. I feel strongly that finance shouldn't be the sole reason a person doesn't attend university because that puts certain sections of society at a disadvantage. It's a mess

Groovee · 23/06/2019 08:32

My daughter got a full loan and a bursary this year. Next year she won't have the bursary and I think the loan may decrease a bit. But we still don't have much to spare.

I pay her travelling expenses to and from uni. Regularly buy her toiletries etc. Send her money for food. The in-laws often buy her food and visit. My mum will send her money too. So it works out fine. She has a job selling shots at uni and can make £50 on a good night, so that pays for her socialising. But her uni town is cheap to have a night out.

She works 2 jobs in the holidays to have a savings pot.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 23/06/2019 08:32

I have 2 DC both doing 4 year Uni courses at the moment. The student loan company take no account of that. I would have to find £10k per year to support them both, but I only earn £12k per year (have health problems) and DH and I have a large loan to pay (£500pm) which was accrued following a long period of illness.

How am I supposed to give more than I have? Again, the loan company makes no concessions for your financial situation as long as you earn above the cut-off point. It's a very blunt assessment tool which has no bearing on reality.

Jemimapuddleduckpancake · 23/06/2019 08:33

If we're talking about things being funded based on parents incomes, and parents incomes alone, then I also think this is very wrong. Like I said, I wasn't eligible to the bursary due to my parents salary but they didn't give me a penny. This is true of almost everyone I was friends with at university. I found this incredibly unfair! I had to take 3 part time jobs alongside studying to survive but other people got free money. The same thing happened when I was at college and they temporarily brought in that £30 a week to be given to children of low income parents. So some of my friends would get £30 a week and I'd have to give up my whole weekend to earn that in my crappy weekend job Sad

Jemimapuddleduckpancake · 23/06/2019 08:34

Passthecherrycoke - oh, so is there a new system that parent should pay a proportion? Or does the OP mean that she thinks that morally they should help?

Benes · 23/06/2019 08:34

Jemima there is an expected parental contribution factored in to student finance ....Martin Lewis has some useful information.

For the majority of students the loan doesn't even cover the cost of accommodation.

PinkBuffalo · 23/06/2019 08:37

You can judge all you want but lots of people aren't in a position to help.
When I went to uni on a loan (years ago!) they took my disabled parents benefits into account when calculating (as its "income"). No way could they afford to top up the loan when they were struggling themselves! I would never in a million years have asked them to give me money and so I worked as hard as I could in a flexible job for the whole 3 years. This covered my rent pretty much. Didn't do much socialising as then did my uni work in the evenings. I remember my parents being so pleased when they had the occasional spare £20 to give me at Xmas etc, and I was nothing but grateful for it.

CherryPavlova · 23/06/2019 08:39

Of course it’s unacceptable for parents not to support their children through university. Why would you not want to do the best by your child?
Those whose parents cannot afford to support get quite a good deal and end up better off than those with support sometimes. It’s those who consciously choose not to support that are mean.

In some cases they can work part time but student poverty is real and particularly hard on those doing vocational degrees where a job is virtually impossible. We’ve certainly had youngsters here who were hungry, I mean really hungry, because their parents were too mean to support them. We’ve had youngsters stay who have needed help buying work clothes for their placements but whose parents refused to help.

No other way of learning if you want to be a doctor @EleanorReally - or should only rich kids become doctors?

Passthecherrycoke · 23/06/2019 08:40

Jemimapuddleduckpancake

“oh, so is there a new system that parent should pay a proportion? Or does the OP mean that she thinks that morally they should help?”

@Jemimapuddleduckpancake no parents earnings are factored into the tuition fee calculation so if the student doesn’t have access to those earnings to pay their fees they are being disadvantaged

HolesinTheSoles · 23/06/2019 08:40

Obviously it depends on the particular situation. If they can't afford it (due to costs of other children or maybe elderly relations) then of course I wouldn't judge. If they just choose not to help in favour of 3 luxury holidays a year for themselves then yes I would judge them.

RancidOldHag · 23/06/2019 08:41

"Unfortunately, that is the way it is these days."

It's not just 'these days'

It goes right back to the days when there were no tuition fees and students had grants not loans. The amount of grant was based on your household income, and parents were expected to make up the rest.

Biker47 · 23/06/2019 08:41

It's a shit system, but no one should be forced to or shamed into having to pay for another adult's choices, even if that adult is their own child.

Should be the same loan across the board like with the fee' themselves, but they should reduce the level at which you start paying it back and increase what you pay back to compensate.

They don't take into account the parents salaries when it comes to repayment, so I don't see why they should take them into account when dishing them out.

Passthecherrycoke · 23/06/2019 08:42

@Jemimapuddleduckpancake it sounds like you were at uni a while ago? Unless for specific courses, generally bursaries were abolished in 1998 I think. Students can take out a loan but this is for living expenses, it isn’t enough to cover the tuition fees

HolesinTheSoles · 23/06/2019 08:42

oh, so is there a new system that parent should pay a proportion? Or does the OP mean that she thinks that morally they should help

It's not new. It was certainly the case when I went to uni in the early 2000s. Your parents filled in a form and based on their financial situation it was decided how much loan you would get under the assumption that if you were on less than the maximum your parents would pay the difference.

elderlyhippo · 23/06/2019 08:42

"oh, so is there a new system that parent should pay a proportion?"

No, there's a very old system - that has been around since the 1950s!

All the way through grants and the loans that replaced them

Benes · 23/06/2019 08:43

passthecherrycoke household income is taken into account for the maintenance loans NOT tuition fees. Everyone is entitled to a tuition fee loan regardless of household income.

HufflepuffHarpy · 23/06/2019 08:44

you dont know the ins and outs of any family's finances. Unless of course they are driving porches, holidaying in the maldives several times a year etc then i don't think you could know for definite whether they can afford to help.

We will struggle when our DC get to uni. on paper our salaries put us in the top 5% of the country. when I put where we live, number of DC, standard outgoings etc into the calculator that translates it to where you come out in 'real terms' we come out at 53% - so only fractionally above 'joe average' - which feels about right for the lack of free money we have!!

It's mad to assume just because a family earns a certain amount they can afford multi thousands a year - especially as it takes no account of how many children you have at uni.

And we had our children before they changed the rules so couldn't have less children to allow us to save etc - too late!

Benes · 23/06/2019 08:45

And that tuition fee loan covers the whole amount and is laid directly to the university