AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

[ThunderandPharoah]

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

I hope contraception is just being a stirrer and doesn't mean half the stuff they are typing.

I'm really not

But luckily for me my children will cut us off at 18. Which would mean they will never come home so we can sell up the house as they won't ever come back at holiday times, we will never have to support them in weddings, house deposits or presents and we may then be able to buy a boat and blow their inheritance.

But luckily for me my children will cut us off at 18. Which would mean they will never come home so we can sell up the house as they won't ever come back at holiday times, we will never have to support them in weddings, house deposits or presents and we may then be able to buy a boat and blow their inheritance.

Considering that any money you give them would probably come with strings attached like their education they may be in a better position to cut you off, get a good education and job and pay for weddings and house deposits themselves.

No it wouldn't. I hope to be able to assist them.
The strings attached to their education are I can help with approx £Xx but you will need to get a job.

What horrific stings 😱 Telling an adult that they need to earn money to pay their bills.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting young people work while at university providing the course allows for it. It can be beneficial for a range of reasons not just finacial. However, it's not appropriate for a parent to dictate which university or course.

My son will get the basic maintenance loan (£4250 pa I think). His accommodation will be around £6000 pa. We will pay his accommodation - there is no way he could work enough hours to cover that and food etc on his own.

I hope to be able to assist them.
The strings attached to their education are I can help with approx £Xx but you will need to get a job

I think that's what most parents do, don't they?

And it wouldn't really be a string. Because I'd still give them the money without a job. But they'd have to work out what they were cutting back on to fun their time there. Wether that be not living in halls etc

I'm using dds 4k to part fund her accommodation then paying her a certain amount per month.

I've heard plenty of stories aboit parents paying accommodation then dcs blowing the 4k and needing more money to live and eat!

@Fibbke apparently not. Apparently that will lead to major MH issues and the child cutting off their parents.

Releasing the money weekly or monthly is sensible if you feel that your student DC will blow it all. Although they will need more at the beginning for books.

Agree that some courses are much more demanding in time and effort than others. It would be possible for some students to work to help support themselves. But in others this would be almost impossible, especially courses aimed at medical careers.

Of course students could not bother and just get a job. But if they have ambitions to follow a career and are talented, it benefits us all in the long term if they can do this.

Ideally they would be treated as independent adults, but that isn't the case. If you have the money available but prioritise your own luxuries over your child's education, you are being selfish. If you have unavoidable other expenses and just can't do it, then you just do as much as you can.

Apparently that will lead to major MH issues and the child cutting off their parents.

I'm not saying that they will cut you off as I'm not sure that many 18 year olds will think to do that. I am saying that they will probably be in in a better position if they do that as they will be able to get a good education in a degree and university that they want to go to and be more likely to get a good job and pay for their own wedding and house deposit with no strings attached.

How about we try to understand that all students are different? Some will thrive on an intense course with loads of contact hours, working and partying hard. Some will just not cope, and have to prioritise studying over working and partying. Some will just party and end up with a drinker's degree.

My son will get the basic maintenance loan (£4250 pa I think). His accommodation will be around £6000 pa. We will pay his accommodation - there is no way he could work enough hours to cover that and food etc on his own

Blimey- this made me check loan amounts. I earn 20k, so absolutely nothing left to save for uni, and nothing left to contribute.

Full maintenance loan is just under 9k. So if accommodation is 6k, that’s 3k for food, travel, books, clothes etc. £250 a month.

Looks like mine aren’t going then, unless they can find funding elsewhere.

Mind you, when I did my postgrad degree cancer research funding- which was supposed to be enough to live on- was 6k/year, for full time. No terms or holidays, 50 weeks a year.

6k a year is quite a bit more than my mortgage. Why is accommodation so expensive?

Contraception, do you seriously think a holiday in America is of more long term value to your kids than money enabling them to go to Uni? We never had a family holiday in America, we went camping in France and put the extra money aside for the future.

And now our kids are grown up with good jobs, they fund their own trips to America or Thailand or wherever.

Do you think memories of having gone to Disneyland at 12 are going to be much comfort when they are 25 and facing a lifetime of minimum wage jobs?

@TinklyLittleLaugh Yes. Because I'm not going to haul your lives on the off chance that they maybe want to go to Uni and not get jobs.

They each have ISAs. The way they're going their going to have a few £K in there by 18. So if they want to go to Uni they can use their own money. That money has come from money we were given at their births, birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc

I am not going to stop holidays, parties etc because some random nobodies online think it's child abuse to tell an 18 year old to get a job.

@TinklyLittleLaugh also we do do the caravanning and UK holidays mostly. But we have planned a once in a lifetime holiday to America for the World Cup. It's something my 5 year old is already talking about and it's not for another 6ish years!

Blue Why not do a proper check? If you earn £20k you wouldn't have to contribute anything; your kid will get £9k or so loan, plus whatever means tested bursaries their uni hands out.

This thread is about people on high incomes who refuse to pay the contribution necessary to top their kid's loan of £4k up to a reasonable level.

They each have ISAs.

Well that's a hell of a drip feed contraception And on your income you wouldn't be needing to find £5k a year anyway.

Bluezoo - there is usually cheaper accommodation, and tbh £250 a month is perfectly doable. You shouldn't put them off.

It's not a drip feed. As people keep banging on the thread is about parents who don't want to pay out of their own pocket. I as I've always said would expect my children to use their own money and make finical planning themselves.

I checked. We'd be expected to contribute over £4K each. Not exactly a small amount.

Dds accomodation is almost exactly the same ££££s as the maintenance loan minimum allowance. She took a year out before Uni and worked as will her younger siblings.

Do you think memories of having gone to Disneyland at 12 are going to be much comfort when they are 25 and facing a lifetime of minimum wage jobs?

Oh come on, bit overdramatic! One holiday means no uni and a lifetime of working in mcd’s.

We are going on a big holiday this year. Kids are teenagers, have never really had a holiday, and we want to do something special as a family before they start flying the nest.

I’m sure the 6k we have saved up for many many years would make a huge difference to whether they go to uni or not. 2k each is the dealbreaker.

All of them would rather have this holiday. We aren’t in a position to significantly contribute to uni anyway. They know that. If they want to go they will do the min wage jobs first and save up. Or look at cheaper areas.

Fwiw dh has no degree and earns significantly more than me. Plus he has more working years behind him. Not going to uni, especially not going at 18, is not condemning to a lifetime of poverty.

She took a year out before Uni and worked as will her younger siblings

Lets hope the younger siblings don't want to do maths then, because a year out is really not recommended by unis for that choice..

I think universities that want good maths students will wait.