AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

[ThunderandPharoah]

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

We were slightly caught out by the rise in tuition fees from £3k to 9K, which iirc was announced in 2010. We knew we could afford the £3k, plus rent and maintenance, but the sudden rise to £9k was a bit of a blow.

@Contraceptionismyfriend as we’ve already established, they are not adults. Children under 25 in full time education are entitled to financial support from their parents. “ITS THEIR CHOICE, IM NOT PAYING FOR IT” is a pretty disgusting thing to say about education for your own child. How utterly selfish. Evading your legal obligations to support your child out of greed and selfishness.

It’s also bonkers to expect full time students to support themselves. It’s hard enough for young people to support themself even if they are not doing anything else. It’s completely and utterly unrealistic to expect them to support themself while studying full time.

FFS people are BSC. I doubt very much were going to have close to £1K to hand over to them per month. I am not going to downsize or anything like that. So if they choose to move away and go to Uni they do so knowing that they will not be given that money from us.
The holiday to America is in the next couple of years. When all three will be under 10. I am not going to stop living our lives out of fear that they may want to go to Uni.

If they want to CO because we say we won't be giving them £5K to go to Uni then they are more then welcome to.

Be a fucking stupid idea though considering they'd then not have a home to come to out of term time and wouldn't receive any money at all.

If they don't like the courses at the two fantastic unis close to us. Then again that's their choice. But as adults they need to understand that I want doesn't get.
They will have to get jobs. They will have to consider finances when they choose their places and that's life.

I want a mansion and a round the world trip in first class. Doubt it's going to happen.

And actually our DS gets the maximum student loan, anyway. It's the "extra" which we refuse to contribute to. Maybe you need to read the whole thread?

The thread's about parents whose kids don't get the full maintenance loan but still won't cough up the difference. You're not expected to fund anything - maybe you need to read the thread...

University is (roughly) 30 weeks a year, so they get 22 weeks break plus 50saturdays (ie another 10 weeks work). Are you suggesting you can’t earn roughly £5k in 32 weeks?

We knew we could afford the £3k, plus rent and maintenance, but the sudden rise to £9k was a bit of a blow. how is this relevant? Parents don’t fund the 9k, or the 3k as it used to be. Parents don’t pay tuition fees at all. What do you mean rent and maintenance? They are part of the same thing.

University is (roughly) 30 weeks a year, so they get 22 weeks break plus 50saturdays (ie another 10 weeks work). Are you suggesting you can’t earn roughly £5k in 32 weeks?confused

Quite possibly, if they can get jobs that work with essentially living in 2 different places over the year, and maybe having to change the days that they are available to work, every semester. Plus of course, assuming that they aren't studying for a degree like nursing, medicine, paramedic science that require them to work shifts during their course, or teaching that requires them to work during the day and then prep during their time off.

Just a few reasons why they can't necessarily work for 32 weeks or 50 Saturdays a year.

University is (roughly) 30 weeks a year, so they get 22 weeks break plus 50saturdays (ie another 10 weeks work). Are you suggesting you can’t earn roughly £5k in 32 weeks?confused

They don't even get 22 weeks to work as would be difficult to get temporary work for short periods of time during terms. Plus easter holidays are usually for revision. They only really have the summer holidays which is around 14 weeks.

FFS people are BSC. I doubt very much were going to have close to £1K to hand over to them per month. I am not going to downsize or anything like that.

Where do you get 1k a month from? It's about 5K a year if you are on a high salary and you have about 18 years to save. I find it bizarre that you are arguing that it would be difficult for you to fund this despite being on a high salary but easily possible for your children who will probably be on minimum wage, will be doing a full time course and unlike you do not have 18 years to save. You are just being miserly.

@Dungeondragon15 at one point I could have 3 children in higher education. That would rack up.

I have other financial things to prioritise.
Again. I will assist. But if they want to go to Uni the onus is on them to ensure that between the grant, their work and what we can contribute that it is feasible.

That includes choosing a sensible uni and working before uni, during term and during the holidays.

Both DH and I came from low income homes and got a full grant through uni in the 80s and we both had friends on minimum grant with rich parents who refused to top them up. I think it’s a pretty shitty way to treat your kids to be honest.

I agree. I got zero grant in the 80s but luckily my parents gave me the exact amount those on a full grant received. I don't think it occurred to them to do otherwise. I knew one person on my course who didn't receive money from her parents as they can't afford it (due to pay private school fees for her brother!). The idiots expected her to fund everything themselves and she had a nervous breakdown and left.

Agreed at dungeons. Why is it not contraceptive responsibility to consider her legal obligations to support her children when making holiday plans but it’s her children’s responsibility to consider their parents finances when they are 18.

No one has unlimited amounts of money nor is anyone suggesting children at university should live a life of luxury. But they do need parental help and you are legally obliged to provide it. it seems that you simply don’t want to maintain your children when you are obliged to - you’d rather spend the money on holidays and a big house.

Without parental help many children will simply not be able to go to uni. Despite all the claims on here of rubbish degrees, university is on the whole a huge boost to personal development and finances. Also it’s essential for many careers. To ruin your kids life chances cos you want to go a nice holiday is selfish in the extreme

@Dungeondragon15 at one point I could have 3 children in higher education. That would rack up.

It doesn't make any difference if they are all there at once because you can save in advance. It is clear from your posts that your children are very young so you have at least 15 years to do it.

I have other financial things to prioritise.

You already have a house, a good salary and plenty of time to save. As I said miserly.

Yabu

You don't know the ins and outs of their finances.

They may have debt.

They may live in a high cost of living area with no option of moving elsewhere.

They may be at a different life stage and may be saving for retirement etc

Many other reasons also im sure.

But they do need parental help and you are legally obliged to provide it.
Are you?

When i was at uni my parents refused to even fill out the grant form so i got nothing and had to work 5 nights a week as a waitress. It was utterly shit so I am happy to top up dds maintenance loan to the maximum amount. However, if she wants lots of partying she needs to earn money this summer. She has estimated she'll have around 1.5k to take with her which works out at about 38 a week for going out.

But they do need parental help and you are legally obliged to provide it

No you aren't.

What i do judge is parents who fund expensive gap years where the student doesn't earn a penny then give them 150 a month spends when at uni. I know a few of these and they are always the most dossy students who seem to do fuck all work.

However, if she wants lots of partying she needs to earn money this summer. She has estimated she'll have around 1.5k to take with her which works out at about 38 a week for going out.

Yes, I think that most people expect their children to work if they want money beyond the grant to party etc. This thread is about whether it is okay to not top up to the maximum loan amount so that your children will be in the same position as those who don't have parents.

They are either adults. In which case they are finically responsible for their decisions.

Or they are dependents. In which case I will inform them that they need to choose a Uni that means they can stay at home. Which is my right as the adult.

They can't have it both ways.

This thread is about whether it is okay to not top up to the maximum loan amount so that your children will be in the same position as those who don't have parents

I think thats up to the individual. I am topping up for the reasons i have said. If parents can't afford to or don't want to, then they need to make this clear before their dcs apply to uni.

There is a reason research suggests parents are not the most suitable people to give their children careers advice.....this thread is a prime example.

What will they do if they don't get offers from the nearest two universities?

What if they want to do something like paramedic science where they can't work because their course is 48 weeks long and includes shift work?

Are you aware of the explosion in MH issues at U.K. universities, not helped by parents like you.

Then they would need to plan ahead.
Work out the fees and living costs.
And then get a job.

I will fucking help them. I just won't commit to the £5K probably.

Ahh poor little lambs having to actually get jobs to pay for their bills.

They can't have it both ways.

You talk as if they would be choosing to remain financially dependent on you. It's not their fault that your income is taken into account in order for them to receive a loan. I'm sure that they will be very unhappy it. Personally I think all students should be able to receive a full loan but they can't and that isn't their fault. To put them at a disadvantage compared with those who don't have parents even though you are on a high income seems miserly and controlling and not something a good parent would do.

It's not their fault. It's not our fault that a screwed up Government continues to punish those who work full time by limiting funding while not taking into account outgoings.

I could quit my job sit on my arse and the get every funding available. Including childcare which is killing us atm. But we have a work ethic and that's what I hope to pass on.

I wouldn't say our income is excessively high. We are comfortable and able to save up another deposit to move into a larger house by not spending excessively.
We are on a combined income of around £61K in an average COL area.