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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

745 replies

ThunderandPharoah · 23/06/2019 07:59

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

OP posts:
titchy · 23/06/2019 21:46

They could use one of the two local universities.

What if they don't get an offer from one of the two?
What if neither offers the course they want?
What if your two local unis are shit?
What if your two local unis have very very high entry requirements beyond the reach of your dc?
What if your two local ones are crap at the course they want?

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 21:49

Dumb question - is it assessed on gross income, or net of pension contributions? I would so like to be able to keep making pension contributions.

I think taxable income so net of pension contributions.

Benes · 23/06/2019 21:53

I have an issue with people passing it off as fact......this is my career so yeah it's important

bluebluezoo · 23/06/2019 22:08

Well they could go if they didn't have you as a parent

Oh come on. I’m a shit parent because I can’t afford to contribute to university? That anyone who can is a better parent.

Get off your patronising high horse.

I spent far too long at uni because my parents wanted me to go. Multiple degrees have done me no favours except put me 19 years behind on my pension.

My kids want to go that badly they will have to do it without my help. But i honestly think, unless they want a professional graduate career, they are better working and saving for a few years until they know what degree will benefit them most.

bluebluezoo · 23/06/2019 22:09

9 years, not 19!

stucknoue · 23/06/2019 22:15

The problem really is that parents aren't allowed to choose whether they think the degree programme their dc has chosen is a complete waste of money - there's no way I would have given mine money to go to a post 92 university unless it was something very specialised (eg art, fashion) but even so I cannot five them the £5k each the government says I should next year ... luckily one is living at home and the other has a very substantial non means tested bursary! My mortgage has to be paid, they need a home

greengrower · 23/06/2019 22:15

Why should my DH and I (on limited, albeit generous, pensions due to retirement) be expected to contribute towards the choice our adult DS has made to go to Uni, rather than earning from a job ? Yes, we'll contribute as and when we can towards some expenses, but that's all. After all,he's an adult

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/06/2019 22:22

Why should my DH and I (on limited, albeit generous, pensions due to retirement) be expected to contribute towards the choice our adult DS has made to go to Uni
Wow 17 pages in and you still don’t understand that your ds income as a student will be reduced due to your income!
You are stealing from your own child.

titchy · 23/06/2019 22:24

The problem with parents saying they'll only support their kids if they're doing a degree they regard as worthwhile, is that parents are simply not in a position to judge what is worthwhile.

Do they really think they understand the jobs market for the next 50 years? Hell some jobs our kids will be doing don't exist right now!

Would they be happy funding the medic who ended up dropping out in the fourth year? Above the Media Studies student who got a 1st and became a Director at YouTube?

OralBElectricToothbrush · 23/06/2019 22:24

Oh, give over! Stealing from your children. Diddums. No one has to go to uni at 18. It's a choice.

jasjas1973 · 23/06/2019 22:32

I help my DD but what does piss me off is that the state want to consider her as a dependant "child" BUT take away child benefit as she is now an "adult" wtf?

I help her because she is my kid and because i don't want her stressed, student suicide is rising, so how would those parents who can but refuse to help feel if their child took their own life?

fwiw in my DD's accommodation block a student did just that, no one noticed until the smell got bad.

She is doing a Healthcare related degree in a subject in which there are big shortages, the state give her nothing, most of the students on her course have no loyalty to the NHS and will use it to gain experience before leaving for the private sector or abroad.

Isthisit22 · 23/06/2019 22:39

YABU. my DD will prob not get that much due to my income but they do not take into account outgoings. I have very little left at the end of the month and didn't go on holiday at all last year, no meals out etc, just a large mortgage, bills to pay and so on

greengrower · 23/06/2019 22:44

@MyDcAreMarvel
ODFOD. What twaddle. "Stealing from our children" indeed.
Why should my DH and I pay out from our limited monthly personal spending, which is not generous after all bills are taken into account, to fund something our ADULT child wants to do?
Yes of course we will help, as and when we can afford to, but why should we deprive ourselves of personal spending on our transport or clothing or fun spending (which comes out of our respective personal budgets) so our DS can do something HE wants to do?
(Particularly as he's had a part time job for a year and chosen to spend all his own earnings on himself rather than saving it, but that's a whole other thread)

greengrower · 23/06/2019 22:45

And actually our DS gets the maximum student loan, anyway. It's the "extra" which we refuse to contribute to. Maybe you need to read the whole thread?

TapasForTwo · 23/06/2019 22:46

"No one has to go to uni at 18. It's a choice"

How old are your children OralBElectricToothbrush?
DD will be going to university in September. Her 6th form, and I imagine most 6th forms where the students are taking A levels, tend to put a lot of pressure on the students to go on to university. At her school they wanted as many students as possible to go to an RG university.

As a result most 18 year olds taking A levels tend to assume the natural progression after A levels is a degree, usually at a university. I don't disagree that they have a choice, but because so many young people have degrees these days more and more jobs now ask for a degree as a minimum. So, more and more young people feel under pressure to get a degree than ever before.

It is a vicious circle, and not one I necessarily agree with. Something needs to change, but I don’t know the answer.

For the record we will have to make up the shortfall for DD’s maintenance loan as it won’t even cover her accommodation. As I stated up thread, she will be doing a science degree with more contact hours than some other types of degrees, plus lab work. As she has CFS working to supplement her income is just not going to be sustainable.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/06/2019 22:48

. No one has to go to uni at 18. It's a choice.
Yes it’s a choice, but your dc has no choice over their student loan amount. That’s down to you as their parent.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 22:54

And actually our DS gets the maximum student loan, anyway. It's the "extra" which we refuse to contribute to. Maybe you need to read the whole thread?

If he gets a full loan you aren't expected to make a contribution though so whether you do or don't isn't relevant to the OP.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 23/06/2019 23:04

Why should they be penalised because their parents are high earners and either haven't bothered to save and/or intend to keep their money to themselves.
I don’t think they ARE penalised. I think they get minimum loan to go to university and people who come from households with smaller or no income get an EXTRA amount.
Nobody should be kept as a pseudo child till they graduate. Young adults should be studying and earning during weekends/evening/holidays.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 23:21

I don’t think they ARE penalised. I think they get minimum loan to go to university and people who come from households with smaller or no income get an EXTRA amount.

Rubbish. Why would they want to know the parents income if the parents weren't expected to contribute? Why would only children of high earners have to work. Parents income is taken into account because they are expected to contribute and it is very unfortunate that some people don't seem to have realised that.

Nobody should be kept as a pseudo child till they graduate. Young adults should be studying and earning during weekends/evening/holidays.

You may think that but parents income has always been taken into account. I didn't get any money at all in the 80s when I did my degree because my parents were high earners. At least now parents who are high earners only have to contribute half maintenance costs.

jasjas1973 · 23/06/2019 23:21

I do wonder why some people have kids, i mean you can't be asked to help them chase their dreams but of course when you are old and infirm, doubtless you'll moan like xxxx when they don't visit their selfish twats of parents.

peachsquish · 23/06/2019 23:22

Years ago I tried to apply for uni. I was 20 and was married and had a rocky relationship with my parents.
Student loans company were insistent that although I was married and had a joint benefits claim any loan would have to be calculated on my parents income as I was under 25.

peachsquish · 23/06/2019 23:26

We didn't even live with my parents!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/06/2019 23:42

Anyone who doesn’t know that student loans are related to parental income either lives under a rock or takes fuck all interest in their kid’s education.

Our kids got minimum loan, £3500 or so at the time, and we topped it up to about £8000, which was the max loan at the time. They also worked to pay for extras. We’ve been saving to help them through uni since they were born.

Both DH and I came from low income homes and got a full grant through uni in the 80s and we both had friends on minimum grant with rich parents who refused to top them up. I think it’s a pretty shitty way to treat your kids to be honest. The person upthread who is saving for a family holiday to America rather than to help her kids through uni...there are no words really.

I’m finding this thread quite shocking. Struggling for money at uni is not character building or some profound life lesson. It’s utterly miserable and demoralising. My kids never had to struggle. They got good degrees, had the time of their lives at uni and now they have decent jobs, budget perfectly well and are financially independent.

Sometimes people on here act as if they don’t even like their children and want them to be miserable. I just don’t understand it.

sansou · 24/06/2019 00:02

I went to uni in the early 90's and in fact met DH there. It was also the start of the student loans era and we both graduated with £9K each in student loans. It was obvious even to me back then, that the cost of higher education was only going to go one direction.

We started saving monthly for the DC when they were born and treated the monthly DD like any other fixed expenditure. All I would say is like a pension contribution, a monthly amount, however small, counts over the years. Their savings turned into a CTF and are now in JISAs which are substantial and should be sufficient for their uni living expenses and hopefully beyond.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 24/06/2019 00:24

Why would they want to know the parents income if the parents weren't expected to contribute?
Because you qualify for additional loans if you are disadvantaged. You might not have clothes suitable to work in, or enough to buy food or support yourself in the holidays. You might need money for transport to university, instead of being dropped off by Mummy and Daddy.